Discouraged With Online Dating
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Discouraged With Online Dating
| Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:07pm |
I was just wondering am I the only one that is not having any luck with online dating? For those of you that have met people did it take you a long time? I tried eharmony, but only had two dates off of that neither which were good matches for me. I recently joined match.com and I am having bad luck with that site. It seems to me that match has alot of guys, but most of them seem like players and not very sincere. I also feel that online dating is making me doubt myself. I am in my 30's and I am wondering for most people having luck with this if they are in a different age group. I would love to hear other people's experiences with this.
Thank you,
Karalyn

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Just wanted to jump in and add my support for OLD. I'm one of those people who loved it (and I didn't start doing it because I'm shy, lonely, on the rebound, socially inept, etc., I did it in addition to meeting people IRL and to meet people outside of my circle), and sometimes I have moments when I actually miss it a little bit. I don't ever want to go back because I did meet a wonderful guy online, and she's not shy, lonely, on the rebound, or socially inept, either! In addition to that, he wasn't emotionally unavailable or just trying to get me into bed.
Believe me, I went on some bad dates. There were some times that I thought every guy online had stalking tendencies, but overall, it was a great experience.
Hey there- I'm sure my response is going to be much like the masses before, but yes it does take time. And you do have to be selective and choosy. I would just be patient and allow it to come to you. Post to those who seem interesting, respond to those who do as well. Join other sites... such as "itsjustcoffee.com" or "plentyoffish".. Both of these are free and you can search and post on there.
I would also try yahoo. I didn't really like match, I found them to expensive and the men on there were not really my type. Try Yahoo, I personally have had better success on that, plus they offer a week free to new people. Try it.
I have met someone on line. We have been dating since September and he is a super sweet guy. We just recently became intimate and I think he is too good to be true. =) Feel free to email me through my profile if you have any other questions...
Good luck and keep your head up.
>>And as far as meeting men in public, I have no problem whatsoever with speaking to strangers. I never have. Which I guess is why I've met so many guys lately. <<
I *wish* I could say the same thing! Can you elaborate on how you meet people?
It's my goal for the new year (not a resolution, just a goal) to become more bold and learn how to talk to strangers. I think our society definitely does not teach people how to do this well and, if you're not naturally outgoing, it's a challenge!
I just read a book this past weekend called "Always Talk to Strangers." Can't remember the author's name, but he's some dating guru to the stars or something (as if they really need the help) -- it was well written and had some good pointers.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Oh, and I agree with everyone else who is sick and tired of hearing "stop looking and it will happen."
I don't think someone who truly wants a relationship ever stops looking. It's not like a switch you can turn off. I do think you can do your best to enjoy your life and not be *desperate* for a partner, but your radar will always be out for that one special person.
For the people who have been lucky enough to find someone great and then give the advice to "stop looking and it will happen" to the rest of us: think about it - had you *really* stopped looking when it happened? Did you really stop noticing attractive men around you? Did you really stop thinking about how it might be nice to have a great date Saturday night? Did you stop putting on cute clothes and doing your hair to feel good and look nice - and potentially look nice for others? Just a thought.
I agree - fill up your time with what you love to do, and you're more likely to move in circles where the right person will be. Also, if you take the pressure off yourself to find "the one" you will likely be calmer, more confident and appear less desperate to potential dates. But, I disagree with the advice to stop looking.
Just my 2 cents.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Probably because it worked for you and you met someone great out of it. I doubt very much you'd be saying OLD stunk if it were the means you met your honey now.
But if you have been doing it like the OP and have met nobody of integrity and all around creepy men it is discouraging.
On meeting new folks:
Oh I don't have any specific way I guess. Lately it's been the guys who have started the conversations, like the guy in the grocery store who chatted me up while I was oogling all the varieties of apples.
If I'm in a book store, I'll make an off-handed comment on a book someone's looking at. And I do this with everyone - it's not a flirt thing. Or in a video store, I'll make a comment on a movie that someone's looking at. It's good practice to talk to EVERYONE - so when you chat up someone you're fairly interested in, it's easier because you've had the practice.
Icarrie,
Yes, I remember what you said, and thanks for the kind words. There seem to be an awful lot of men who were raised by wolves in my area, then. I would have to be a total MORON to subject myself to more of the same
Ann
Wow, I'm as stunned as icarrie regarding those idiots and I don't blame you at all for relieving yourself from that torture. I haven't been punished quite that much, but enough to be taking a break from this myself for a bit. I'm 45 and the dates are few and far between.
To the OP:
Yeah, I'm at a point where I'm losing interest in OLD at least to the point where I'm just not as pro-active as I once was. I'm chalking it up to the Winter Blues;-P I've been on match off and on for a year now, just finishing up a 6 month subscription. The first two months were great, the last 4 have been pointless. I took my profile down about 2 1/2 months ago after being discouraged by the guys that my profile attracted...the old guys. I revamped the profile a bit and got new pics and unhid it about 6 weeks ago and with the exception of one re-visit/wink from a crackpot, I've not had one wink or e-mail (not even from the geezers!), and my profile is only getting about 10 views a week! I used to get twice that in one day. I did a search for women in my age and location and my profile came up on about page 6 of a gallery type format. Maybe match is trying to get back at me because I got busted trying to encode my e-mail address into my profile.
I won't be re-newing and will probably take a break until Spring. In spite of my current foul mood with OLD or actually match, I've had more dates in the last year than I've had in my entire adult life, it seems;-P and for the most part they've been pretty nice. I had two relationships (albeit short-lived) from match, so it's not all been bad.
I suspect I'll be back, but I am going to try to focus more on my awareness of real life opportunities not worrying about it so much for a while.
It's o.k. to be discouraged, it happens to everyone at some point or several points depending on how long you've been at this. Take a break for a while, keep coming to the boards because they can be inspirational and sometimes just the thing to pull you out of the abyss, but mostly coming here makes me realize that I'm not the only who goes through this.
Keep the faith, take breaks when you need to and just keep reminding yourself that it only takes 1 person to make this all worth it, you just gotta kiss a lot of toads before you do;-P
Take care,
Michele
OLD is very cyclical & if you do it long enough, you'll go through periods of success & periods of discouragement. I'm just getting out of a bad time. But I'll do OLD, as well as keeping an eye out IRL, until I'm happily in a relationship. I've had 3 long-term relationships off OLD, so I'm a believer in it.
I just took a couple months off because I was job hunting, working bad hours, just had no time or energy for dating of any kind. Now that I now I'm staying in St. Louis, got a new job with nights/weekends off, I can date again. Yay!
Have faith, take a break, get rejuvenated. You'll get lucky sooner or later.
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