Discussing STD's with a possible partner

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Discussing STD's with a possible partner
17
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 11:40am

I'm curious how other people on this board go about discussing STD issues of being tested with someone that they are considering getting intimate with in a progressing relationship. I'm not including casual sex here of course. It's a tricky subject and I'd like to know how any of you have handled this one.

Thanks,
Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:58pm
Hi NG, so you recommend tupper to go tested even if it's "after"? Well, at least if tupper get testted and everything is fine, it'll prove her guy is all clear, too, I guess. I had this dilemma of whether to ask or not to ask, which was really really awkward, and I have to say my situation was similar to tupper's. I read that STD and HIV wouldn't show up till 6 months later or so (I'm not positive about this number but somewhat a long duration - correct me if I'm wrong.) and my last relationship was about 4 months ago, I couldn't wait! My HIV testing is update, though.
So, going back to the testing, what would you recommend to have tested for and how much is the total $$?
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 1:51pm

Not necessarily that they wouldn't show up sooner than that... some bacterial infections for example might show up right away.

The following is from http://www.hivtest.org/

"The tests commonly used to detect HIV infection actually look for antibodies produced by your body to fight HIV. Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 3 months after infection, the average being 20 days. In rare cases, it can take 6-12 months."

Keep in mind also that some infections like herpes & hpv (genital warts) are difficult if not impossible to test for if you don't have visible sores. Some people carry the viruses and never have symptoms so they don't even know they have it. AND the strains of hpv most likely to increase your odds of cervical cancer, happen to be strains that do not produce warts. Some sources estimate that up to 75% of sexually active people have at least one strain of hpv and most don't know it. All the more reason to be careful, folks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 5:36pm

yuck i got the C from an ex who cheated on me. GRoss. I didn't know I had it till I had a checkup with the gyno. Veyr true you don't know you have it. Its easily cured and got it done. But the STD talk, definetly something I talk about when we go off condoms. I use condoms regularly until i am exclusive iwth someone. that way I dont worry about what hes doing - and I am protecting myself. Honestly, I have to really trust a person when they say they are going to get tested, so I would never do it until after some time w/ the guy. So condoms are the answer for me till we're serious and I trust the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 1:41am

Hi tupperkerr,
I agree with Nice Guy, in that you still need to get tested and so does your partner for sexual diseases. You can't believe everything a person says, plus you never know if your current partner's spouse at the time was cheating on them or not and gave them something before they met you. This happened to me with my ex husband and I was so relieved when I found out I had not contracted anything from him as he was cheating on me the last year we were married. The person you are seeing could tell you they haven't been with anyone since their partner, but who knows for sure if they are telling the truth... I mean we all hope that they are, but I'm not willing to take so many chances myself.

Hi Nice Guy,
I had the talk with my guy this weekend and it went really well. He was tested a year ago and says he hasn't had unprotected sex, but if it is important to me, that he will be tested again. So we are both going to get tested as mine was last year also. I feel better that we discussed this. Thanks again for your input on this subject.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 1:54am

Hi Surfergirl,

I agree that condoms are necessary until testing is done and you have BOTH agreed to be exclusive, but even using condoms, there's still seepage of bodily fluids sometimes before the condom is put on and who knows what a person could have and give to you unsuspectingly or even possibly get from you if you aren't aware that you even have something (that you are not currently having any symptoms from), as far as giving or receiving orally. I know it sounds like being paranoid, but it's life.

Also, in what way do you ask to see the guys tests results?

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 2:02am

Hi phoenixmama,

Thanks for posting your experience with Nuvaring, I knew it had a different name. Yes I asked my daughter about the size and she said it is larger, I thought it was smaller. SO far she hasn't had trouble with it either and loves not having to remember to take a pill every day. She thought possibly her partner would notice it when he was inserted, but he hasn't and is well endowed I guess, so it wasn't an issue. I'm going to share what you said with my daughter about having good results with it and the moving but not slipping thing. I was wondering myself when the other poster mentioned slipping. Thanks again.

Sunshine

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 9:17am
My ex was rather well endowed and said he did notice it was there, but not in a bad way, it wasn't weird or uncomfortable like, say, a diaphragm. (Which we had also tried and I would NOT recommend to anyone based on the discomfort factor.) And after getting used to it he didn't notice it anymore. Also I read on the company's website that something like 8 out of 10 partners said they never felt it.

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