Discussion (Tell me what you think)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Discussion (Tell me what you think)
3
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:11pm
Tell me what you think of these myths, do you here this often? What are your responses when you hear genralizations like these? Do you agree with the responses?

When it comes to gender, it's easy to generalize: Women like shopping; men like cars. Women like to soak in bubble baths; men like to toss power tools around. But in reality, most would agree that a person's likes, dislikes and desires are highly individual and not based purely on a single determinant such as biological sex. Here's a look at five major myths that exist about women — and reasons why such beliefs are probably better thrown by the wayside.

1. We're all in a big hurry to marry and start a family

Sure, some of us are. But so are some men. And we don't all view dating as a search-and-destroy mission whose sole aim is to get to the altar — and from there to the maternity ward — as fast as possible. More than a few of us go out with you for the same reason you go out with us — to have a good time and see what happens.

2. We need men for physical protection and financial security

Unless we're actually being attacked, macho heroics can be a serious turnoff, so it's not necessary to lunge at every guy who looks at us in a bar. We can take care of ourselves financially, too; our careers are important to us, and we don't need to be "rescued" from them. Want us to need you? Be communicative and supportive; listen to us; offer us empathy and not just problem solving; show us we can count on you emotionally; and treat us like partners.

3. As twenty-somethings, we're eager to date forty-something men

Yes, it's possible that a 21-year-old could have a great relationship with a 48-year-old. But if your dating radar is focused exclusively on women who are 10, 15, 20 or more years younger than you, you're sending out a clear message about your immaturity — not your youthfulness.

4. Single and over 35 means we're bitter beyond redemption

We may not have made a permanent commitment, but we've had satisfying careers, friendships and relationships. We've explored our interests and the world. In other words, we have not kept our lives on hold waiting for true love to kick in. All in all, that makes us pretty attractive women.

5. We say we want a nice guy, but it's not true

Yes, you know some women — maybe many women — who have gone out with one jerk after another. And if you're in a dating drought, it must be tempting to think we want to date jerks. Don't go there. Be the nice guy. Be a good friend. And don't hesitate to follow your heart when it wants you to be a good friend and something more, too. The woman who responds to you will be the one who appreciates you for who you are.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:57pm
1. I agree with that...I don't think everyone is...I know I'm not in any rush to have kids, but I know a lot of people my age that are.

2. I don't need that....its a nice bonus, but I'd date a guy if he wasn't "perfect" and while its nice to have a guy who is financially stable, its not a must...as long as he has enough money to support himself and me (should we get married one day) I'll be happy. The Beatles said it best when they say "all you need is love"

3. Ew...NOOOOOOOOO! I would NEVER date a guy in his 40's....that'd be like dating my parents (who are both 47). The oldest I would go is 30...and even that is stretching it. I'm only 20 and still in my "party/school stage" I have 2 parents and I certinly don't need or want another one.

4. I don't agree with that either....just because your older and still single does not mean jack poop. That just goes with the ancient "if your over 30 your a spinster for life" thing from waaaaaaay back in the day. Come on now, haven't we, as women, come way past that??

5. Don't agree with that either. Every girl wants a nice guy...myabe with a bad streak. But we definately do not date the jerks on purpose. In my experience a guy is a total sweetheart for the beginning stages of the relationship and then when they have you hooked they show their "true colors" If I could avoid the jerks I would...it'd save me A LOT of trouble and worrying.

JMHO, Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 10:28am
1. We are all in a hurry to get married and start a family.

Uh. No, not all of us. lol I think society makes us believe alot of things about marriage and family that arent true. They make us believe that we need to be a certain age to get married, and have a certain number of children. Society, pretty much dictates to our culture what is normal. Nothing is normal anymore. We have to break these barriers that were set up before we were even born. Society cannot tell you how to live or what to choose. It is your choice and no one should be judged because of their choices.

2.We need men for phycial protection and financial security.

Ok, now I have a real problem with this one and I hope I can teach my boys, when they are men and decide to marry or whatever, in hopes that they do not believe that they are the soul provider, proctector, or king of the castle. We are equal in every way and no man or woman should think they are more or less because of the stigmas society has set for us. Sqrew that. If we started treating each other as equals more of the time, then maybe we would get somewhere in life. Hell, if you want to get technical, woman are the stronger sex. We can cook, clean, have babies, have a cycle every month and any other female problem that decides to make its way into our life, work fulltime, go to school, raise kids, love our kids, take care of our familes(husbands included), and still manage to have friends and a social life and be there when needed. We are emotionally, physically, and spiritually stronger. So, that is just my opinion.

3. As 20-somethings, we are eager to date 40-something men.

Well, now I will say one thing. I have a problem dating men my age. (27 yrs old) I tend to be more attracted to men older, since they are more mature. Now, I am not saying that if I met someone that I got along with, and seemed to be on the same level, that I would not date him since he was my age. I am just saying, in my experience and where I live, I suppose I just have not met many men my age that I had anything in common with. Men around 35 or older, seem to be more interesting to me, since they would be more likely divorced themselves with or without kids. I just feel more connected with someone who has shared some of the same experiences with me and older men are more likely to have been through a few life experiences.

4.Single and 35 means we are bitter and beyond redemption.

I would say that it can happen, but not in every case. Hell, you can be 25 and bitter and beyond redemption. Age has nothing to do with it, it is all experience that makes us who we are.

5. Yes, we say we want a nice guy, but thats not true.

Now, this is a myth that has been battled over for years. lol As women we always say we like the nice guys, but we do tend to find the worst ones. Dont we?! lol Well, I think it is simply trial and error. We look for someone we are attracted to and who seems nice at first, and they all do in the beginning...lol, then once we know them a while, they change. Then they become the bad ones we should not ever have dated. We never really know they are bad until we have spent some time with them. All people have a bad side too! lol

The way men tend to describe women, is that we are all bad, no matter the woman. lol I dont know how i feel about that one,but we dont have enough time for me to explain my ideas on male vs female just yet. lol

Thanks Marie for the discussion. It was fun.

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 11:41am
1. We're all in a big hurry to marry and start a family:

Society lets women know marriage matters most,just as it lets guys know that they should get a job,experience before setteling.It depends on indivisual.My brother and I are both 27yrs old,same parents,and I was okay to marry at 22 or 23 but my brother is against marriage even now and another 3yrs.

2. We need men for physical protection and financial security:

I always wondered why women get raped and not men....that is our wiring and goodness...But women can be smart,earn,learn to defend themselves and be safe all by themselves..so no need to depend on men.Men and women should marry to share lives as equals and friends,not as dad and kid

3. As twenty-somethings, we're eager to date forty-something men

Yeah...40somethings are pretty too way off,but it may work for some..... personally I'll only look between 30&40yrs...24 to 28,they are still kids to me.

4. Single and over 35 means we're bitter beyond redemption:

Bitterness is a mental framework and not age.When my marriage was over,a friend worried that I will become a bitter old lady.That snapped me into action. One year of learning,traveling,laughing and inward journey,I am so much happier.I think I was bitter when I was married to him:)..so at 35 and if I'm still single,I know its meant to be and I have to live with me everday..who wants to live with a bitter person? Not me!! not even as 65 yr old.

5. We say we want a nice guy, but it's not true:

I think we do not do it on purpose,but have lessons to learn and so attract that bad boy or abuser.Once we learnt,we will move on.If we did not,we will repeat the class.Its all about us.When we are attracted to someone bad,its because it feeds a need in us...its for us to find out that need,deal with it ourselves and only then expect partnership in relations.

Great questions Marie.

Anya