Dish on my "dates"
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| Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:25pm |
Well, Since it seems I am back on the board, I figured what the heck, lets throw it all out here to be dissected :-)
Had two first meets last week, one on thursday and one on friday.
Thursday guy was very nice. We had dinner at a mutually convenient location. He got there before I did, but I wasn't late. We talked a lot about things we had in common but... it seems to me everything we have in common are all things from the past. Not sure where we would have compatability to move forward as we don't seem to have too many of the same interests. I could be wrong on this part, but I don't think I am. Thursday guy admited I was the first person he had been out with in 6 months?? The biggest thing though is, he is loud. I am quiet, I talk softly. It seems so silly to discount a person because they are loud but I know it is something I really couldn't live with. He did ask for a second "date" and I said yes, time to be determined. He is out of town for work this week. And he did follow up via IM w/ a request for this coming weekend, so tenatively Sunday afternoon we will do something. He asked if he could cook me dinner at his place. I don't know about that, and not because I think he might be a freak or anything, I am fairly certain he is not, lol. It is more that I think it is a little soon for me, right now, to be going to his home, as if that has implications that I wouldn't consider at this point and I don't mean s-e-x either. More along the lines of having someone in your home is more personal, it isn't like you just invite any ol' person over, if you know what I mean.
Friday guy I was a little iffy about. I was a little early at the rendevous point and he was a little late. I think he underestimated the amount of time it would take for him to get there as he had a little bit of a drive and the place was five minutes from my house, but I did not take afront to his lateness. I really had a great time and I was surprised by it. It was one of those not overly attracted but lets meet and see, on my part. We had a great conversation, not the usual fluff that you talk about. He literally grew more attractive to me as the evening progressed! ( I have had that happen before but not quite so dramatically ) I actually had what I call a "giggle fit" over a story he told me that struck me as so funny I could hardly stop laughing. We seem to have quite a few of the same interests. We both like being outdoors and doing outdoorsy stufff, etc. Anyway, yesterday (sunday) we chatted on IM for a while (he contacted me) and had a nice chat. I foster dogs and I mentioned that I had gotten a new digital camera and has taken some shots of my current foster and he semi asked if I would like to go on a "field trip" to try it out (it's a little cold right now to do that) then followed that up with a request for a real date on friday. He had a few suggestions and we settled on bowling with the place to meet tbd later this week.
I do have a question for the guys (and ladies)... friday guy lives about 35 minutes away from me and if I was in a relationship (which is a goal for all of us on here I believe) with someone that lived that distance away, I would have no problem doing some of the traveling, but at this point, it is just a date. Is it fair of me to have the meets closer to my home? I am not too familiar with the area he lives in and am not enthusiastic about getting to know the area in the dark. I am thinking it is a "into you" kind of thing where if he is "into" me he will be ok with driving, at least at this point. (and I am not jumping ahead and picking out invitations or anything here, just trying to be realistic of what possible complications there could be if a decision was made to move beyond dating, and it isn't an issue w/ thursday guy, he lives farily close)
Another question for the guys... I have three children and I am wondering are guys really ok with this? I am not against having more if I was with someone that wanted more and in actuality I do want one more at some point.
Thanks for any input,
J

>>Is it fair of me to have the meets closer to my home? <<
Probably not, but let's face it- to some extent, the women set the rules. :)
Let me tell you how it seems from my (a guy's) point of view. I'd say that your primary concern for setting up meeting places should be where you feel comfortable and safe. I don't want a gal who's spending time worried that she's made it too easy for me to kidnap her; that's not someone who's predisposed to having a good time on a date!
Yes, it's nice if she takes into account the distance between us and makes it easy on me. But for a first meeting and first couple dates, no, I don't mind if she wants me to drive a bit. 35 minutes is a bit of a ways, but probably not too out of control.
But after that, it might well be a sign that there's something wrong. You should either meet in the middle or be trading back and forth, to be fair. If someone is unwilling to do that, well, it's a basic courtesy thing that you extent to another person.
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>>I have three children and I am wondering are guys really ok with this?<<
Totally depends on the guy. Me, I tend to avoid women with children; I'm not morally opposed to it and would be delighted if a really great match for me happened to have kids; but I'd rather have my own, if that makes sense.
Still, if I met someone who seemed awesome and fit me well, her having kids wouldn't slow me down a bit.
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I want to compliment you on being willing to give a guy a shot- the fact that FridayGuy got more and more attractive as the date went on means that rather than being super-fast to reject someone, we should probably be more willing to give them a first-meeting shot and see what happens.
You never know when they'll be a lot more cool and better fit for us in person than they are in an OLD profile or email.
mostly an FYI the reason it is 35 minutes is because it is mostly back roads, no major highway, no direct route from point A to point B. I believe the actual distance is around 20 -25 miles, for what its worth.
>>>Yes, it's nice if she takes into account the distance between us and makes it easy on me. But for a first meeting and first couple dates, no, I don't mind if she wants me to drive a bit. 35 minutes is a bit of a ways, but probably not too out of control<<<
Like I said, if it progressed to something more I don't have a problem doing 1/2 the driving, but on the other hand I don't want anyone accusing me of picking out the china after a first meet, which is so not happening on my part. I brought it up because I see it as a potential issue IF things progressed, thats all and wanted view points on it.
Also, I have really hit a point where I want to see the other person making a little bit of an effort and things not all be one sided. It is ok for the guy to show some enthusiasm and make concessions. I want a partner in life, someone that can compromise, I don't want to be a doormat. If someone is willing to make a little bit of effort, that is big brownie points for them. I am willing to make the effort and I want someone that is also willing. I don't want to convenient. (and I am not trying to be snotty here or sound like a stuck on myself person, that isn't what I am trying to convey)
>>But after that, it might well be a sign that there's something wrong<<
What did you mean by that?
NGOL, nice to have an interaction with you. Thanks for responding.
Regards,
J
Hey J! Glad you had 2 decent dates! I definitely do not think there is anything wrong with the first couple of meetings being in your area. You might say that you are uncomfortable driving in new places after dark by yourself. If things progress nicely, you can suggest the first meeting in his area be during the day (if possible). But yes, it is hard enough meeting a guy you know nothing about but to go to an unfamiliar area too is really tough. The phone tag guy (who I think also mixed me up with someone else) suggested a restaurant in his area although it is a 30 minute drive on a tollway for me. Sure it was only a couple bucks, but I was slightly peeved especially when 1) the restaurant turned out to be tough to find and 2) he wasn't worth it! :-) His explanation for picking that place was that he "didn't know any restaurants in XXX area since he didn't live down there" (the area he "thought" I lived in even though I lived somewhere else). I jokingly said "neither do I - I don't live near there either!"
Anyway, I think for your own safety and if the guy is considerate, he will not mind meeting you closer to you for now. Esp. if there is not really anything in between.
Vex,
Question for you... Do you think you have a disporportionate amount of phone tag guys? It seems you are always playing that game.. or are you referring back to a previous phone tag?
Thanks for the input. I was thinking along the same lines as what you said. I guess it is knowing at what point I have to say, ok, I will drive to your area and date 1 or 2 depending how you look at it is not that point for me.
J
Nope, this was the same phone tag guy from last fall. All that work and he wasn't worth the effort. I think that is why I am so much more willing to say "NEXT!" when someone just isn't doing it for me. I was on the fence about him and I was going through such a tough time then with my kitty being sick and other stuff. We finally met and my on the fence feelings turned out to be right - he was just kind of boring which I had gotten pretty well from our talks.
I haven't had any other phone tag guys, but I have had several lately that just are not really clicking or the phone calls back and forth are going on too long.
>>What did you mean by that?<<
I mean that if we find ourselves in a relationship where one or the other of the people involved is always doing all the driving, or always staying at one person's house... that, to me, is a good sign that the relationship is skewed.
It's one thing to compromise a little; it's another if it's really one-sided and it's always one person giving, giving, giving.
So what I meant was that in the beginning, it's probably not a big deal if your guys have to drive the vast majority of the time. But down the road, if/when you wind up involved with someone, if they're always making the trek and you never do, then there's probably something wrong in the relationship that needs examining.
Thanks NGOL, and I agree with what you said.
J