Distance Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Distance Issues
4
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 10:45am
The guy I met on the net and I live pretty far a part. We don't see each other very often. Weekdays are too busy with work and all but weekends usually are open. It seems though that lately everytime I want to get together he has other plans. He always says he misses me like crazy when we don't talk for a couple days (we usually talk almost every day). It's driving me nuts that he never has time for me. I don't expect him to give up his friends and fun for me, but shouldn't I atleast get some time? I don't think it's that he doesn't want to see me because he insists he does. But I find myself giving up my plans with friends in hopes of him being available. I don't even know if we are technically dating because we are never together. This is getting to be really tough for me. Please help :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 11:10am

Stop changing your life around for him. Words mean nothing--his actions are showing you where you stand. I know it's hard, but what I would suggest doing is to back off of him. Make plans for your weekend and do not change them. There's always a tendency to run after and "attach" to someone who is backing off, but usually doing the opposite leads to the truth.


Try not to focus on what he's doing, focus on your life and making it as full as you can. If his words are true, he will show that through his actions.


Hope this helps and feel free to come back here if you have an update or need other advice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 1:33pm

Nicki,

I'm not sure of the exact circumstances of your problem (are the excuses valid or lame? for instance) but I will say this. From what you said, it kind of seems like his words and his actions don't match, which indicates a problem. Actions do speak louder than words. Another truism is "If there's a will, there's a way." Why isn't he dropping his plans for you like you are for him? I suppose that time will reveal if he truly is busy (a relative term) or if he's just making excuses to not see you. Whatever the case, I suggest backing off a little bit. Good luck and keep us posted please!

Meade

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 1:52pm

I agree with the other posts...I would retreat, make plans on your weekends, and hold your ground. Why is he not making time for you, especially when you guys don't have a lot of time together??

Good luck and keep us posted!

MK

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 8:48pm
his reasons always seem very legit. and i know its hard for him to come see me because his lisence has some heavy restrictions from tickets. but when i offer to drive down to him and he says he has other plans is where i find a problem. and i know he didnt have those plans made very far ahead because i was last minute with mine too (which is a problem too so im not that disappointed this time). and i do believe that he likes me because HE calls Me all the time. i dont have to tell him to, he just does. thats why i get confused. im going to bring the subject up to him sometime, maybe tonite. ill keep ya posted. ~Nicki