Diversity of Men/Types

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Diversity of Men/Types
21
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 1:35pm

Chanedevorah (lol probably mispelled) suggested a new thread rather than hi-jacking another :-)

So the topic came about with the suggestion that "he" is going to come along one day and it is a strong possibility that "he" will NOT be in the package that I have fantasized about.

What "kinds" of guys have you all dated? DO you always stick with a specific type?

When/if you've ventured into a relationship or dated a man who did not fit into that type - what has the experience been?

I know right now - I am having an ABSOLUTE BLAST with a man who is SO NOT MY TYPE :-)

It's been an eye opener :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 3:17pm

I hadn't thought of the whole "comfort & being yourself around him" perspective but it's a fantastic point.

When I first met C I kinda giggled (to myself) at how his hair wouldn't move under hurricane conditions . . . and that first date I wasn't all that concerned (or even planning) over seeing him again.

But I had fun . . . I laughed and talked about stuff I may have otherwise felt not appropriate. It was more like hanging out with a friend.

Once he kissed me though - bam fireworks :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 3:20pm

Yeah it never fails to amaze me when I am attracted to a guy not so my type . . . or when I see a close friend fall head over heels over one.

My friend R is madly in love with a guy who is burly (soft beer belly) . . . he's a mechanic - and he rides a harley. This is a woman who always insistd on the totally waxed smooth hard bodies from the gym. . . professional type . . . movie star good looks etc. First time she introduced me to this guy I just about fell off my chair . . . but OMG she is SO OVER THE MOON for him it's incredible. Calls him her cuddly bear and they have an amazing sex life.

Go Figure :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 7:18pm

And how horribly sad would it have been if your friend had stuck so closely to her "type" that she missed him entirely? That makes me so sad thinking about it. People are people and not types and each and every single man have the possibility of being "the one".

The other part of the discussion that I don't think that has been brought up is I honestly believe that because we are all so afraid to commit to someone that we think of excuses not to date someone. So we sit back and listen to others tear down someone just by viewing their profile. That is what makes online dating almost impossible to find that unique person because we poo poo them so quickly upon viewing them and vice versa. So we choose the purty boys and it limits the choices completely. That is one of the reasons why I stopped online dating. Haven't done any better otherwise but I know the "one" is out there and I can't wait to meet him.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 7:30pm

Funny that you said "...I honestly believe that because we are all so afraid to commit to someone that we think of excuses not to date someone." I've been thinking about this more and more. There's a guy I'm starting to get to know right now and usually I'd be telling my friends everything about him and asking advice. I've decided to handle this one differently. Only if it's a red flag to me will I discuss it with others. But the fact that he's out of my usual type and has other differences that don't bother me... well I'm just not going to bring those up because I want to do something differently and take my time to get to know him without worrying about every little difference. That also means changing the way I go about certain things like letting him in, which suprisingly I have been (rare for me).


So I'm with you... I think sometimes it's so much easier to find the excuses to not date someone than it is to find reasons to date them and like them and move forward!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 7:41pm
What you said about blowing it rings so true! When you're not all over the guy intially because he's not your "type," I think you just are yourself. I'm experiencing that right now... and it's so refreshing. I think you nailed it on the head!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 8:23pm

I usually go for hot guys with the attitude to match. They know they are hot and they want you to worship them for it. I've also been known to be attracted to pretty boy (guys who could be Abercrombie & Fitch models), but they are usually much younger and not looking for a relationship.

That has so not worked in the past, obviously. So tonight I'm going out with a guy who I almost passed over because he isn't my type. He's cute, but in a sweet way, not a hot way. But he has an MBA and seems really funny and intelligent. Hopefully I'll have better luck with this one.

I told a friend the other day that from now on I am only going to date guys who rate a 6 or less on the 1-10 scale. LOL We'll see if it works :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 12:47am

Queenbun (please tell me what this nickname is about! :)

You said, "I have read that rebound relationships are often with the exact opposite type from the X"

I've never thought of that before until now. Looking back on the previous 2 massive rebounds I had...they were both total opposites from the X. I went in the extreme other direction when latest X and I broke up... went to a different religion, extreme extrovert beyond anything I want to do again (he never had good quality time available!), fair-skinned, short, stout/overweight, so close to family, talkative, funny, humanitarian. He was a breath of fresh air...didn't remind me anything of X. X was tall, skinny, selfish, had more of a serious personality, not close to family, very dark skinned (just painting an overall pic), musically inclined, introvert, artsy, not american born

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 1:10am
I agree, good point Mama2stephen! I've noticed that the guys I am more relaxed around are the ones I am less into...and then they like me more than those other guys I'm more cautious around. Why am I so cautious and self-aware around these other guys? My "ideal" I started questioning the last time I got ghosted by one of them. I think ultimately the right guy for me is of this other group of guys, the ones I can feel ultra comfy with...like a friend. I think initially I couldn't imagine a little oooh-la-la sparks with the guys in this group, but I think I'll give it a shot and throw out a smooch at one very soon and see ;) My new creed I will remind myself is that if I start getting nervous and too self-aware around a guy then he's probably not for me. It's so interesting..I have had several first dates with men in the comfy group...Right now I am still chatting with a few as friends (they got the idea)...they're still around and we still get along great. I just thought it couldn't turn into anything. They are good looking too. For some reason, that comfort I just labeled friend material. Hmmmmm. I definitely have more thinking to do on this one!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 2:15am

I usually date guys who have a sense of style, but my complete and utter amazement with my X just made his looks completely irrelevent. I thought "S" was so cute (in a way not typical of my taste)...he is from india, tall, skinny, had these huge amazing dark eyes and he was shy and serious, but very sweet. i always wanted to try and make him laugh about stuff and see him get all embarassed. his sense of humor loosened up a lot after being with me. well he had no sense of style..I'm talkin still wore tapered jeans and topped it off with tevas...oh, he was so cute. isn't it funny how someone's personality can make everything else they do seem cute..lol. He taught me so much about india, the music, the arts, the overall culture, the food. There was just sexual chemistry like you wouldn't believe between us. I was just mystified with him. I loved him so much despite all of his other flaws (and there were tons, the selfishness, issues with his family). I initially thought he was a giving guy because he was a doctor but he was money driven and really didn't comprehend my humanitarian instincts. We had a big fall out over his lack of follow through with things and also his inability to stand up for himself affected he and I's relationship. He was finding it so difficult culturally-socially in his family to continue to be with me. I know he wanted to, he just didn't have it in him to fight it. He was weak. We broke up 1.5 years ago after 2 year relatinship. I talked to him a couple months ago and he is still single and miserable because he lets his family make him feel like crap about everything he wants. In the big picture of what I want...it's a man who is passionate about life and knows the precious things we should not take for granted. Life is too short to focus on seeing the glass half empty about everything which he did. That was a turning point for me in knowing I needed a strong vivacious man more than I needed a man like him.

I dated a HOT, fair skinned, green eyed, 5-9/average-muscular build, catholic attorney, "F", who was into motocross and jet skiing. He was kind of a country boy at heart but lived in the city. I was with him 4.5 years before my relationship with "S" (there was about 1.5 years in between of dating tons of different guys). He wanted to take care of me in every aspect, even financially. He was my best friend. The energy he and I had together was AWESOME. He was also my mountain biking buddy. He and I traveled all over the world together...always going on adventures, the crux of the relationship. Once we jet skiied halfway to Cuba from the Keys and got seaweed stuck in the motor...he was such a gentleman when he was the one who insisted I stay on jetski and let him get into the water to get the seaweed out...LOL. I loved him a lot. He had a daughter and our issues were ONLY about parenting style. After a few years he told me he would never have a child with me, but yet I was doing so much for his daughter...I felt cheated. We went to couseling and everything but just couldnt make it work. I left him. He is married now to a woman who has a kid from another marriage. He actually called me recently and said he regrets not being more flexible in how I saw parenting and that I was right about a lot of things. He isn't happy in his marriage and it broke my heart to hear from him that way. I told him it was best we weren't in contact because I didn't want to be "that woman".

I've dated more short term a couple hindu indian men and a couple Jewish men, men from Iran. I'm not as attracted to fair skinned men. I like darker skin and I love dark eyes. I've dated corporate guys, musicians, engineers, doctors, attorneys, guys in computer tech field, comedians and the latest, a magician! haha. Through trial and error I feel like I would get along well with someone who can look like anything, be a humanitarian, be creative, funny, be a perfect balance between extrovert and introvert, logical yet sensitive and be somewhat fit and healthy!

I would love to find a Jewish man who will light shabbat candles with me on friday night :) I'm at a point where being Jewish is almost a must-have although there is still that spark in me knowing that I can find a man who seems perfect and not be jewish because I've loved very diverse men. I've gotten more serious this year into judaism and it would mean a lot to me to connect with a guy on that aspect.

I could go on and on about the types of men I have dated but thought I'd mainly describe the two I really fell for so far in my life...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 12:20pm

Oh those dark haired boys . . .

Yep - my five year relationship was with a very dark haired man - not so much dark skinned - although he could pass for mexican when he did his accent.

C the metro dude - is 6'2" and a GREEK GOD . . . jet black hair and dark olive skin . . . yummy :-)

Look-wise I definately get a spark from the dark haired guys . . . although I have fallen on occasion for anything else - - just those two stand out in my eyes as being the "sexiest" to me.

Speaking of diversity in men though - and another thing I didn't mention about C that I found shocking (I don't know why it shocks me so) . . . is that he has had a tummy tuck at 28 years. I asked him about the scar and was shocked with the answer. . . when I asked him if he had been overweight he said he was very obese his entire childhood and then lost a tonne of weight (he is now in AMAZING shape/works out etc) . . . and he could finally afford a tummy tuck at 28.

Maybe the fact that he is so open minded and doesn't appear to make judgements is because he's "been there" in a way. He said he was badly teased as a kid and finally what compelled him to lose weight was the realization (and I'm quoting so nobody take offense by what are not my words but his) - - he didn't want to die a virgin. LOL I guess everyone has that magic reason that motivates them.