divorced men
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| Sun, 01-07-2007 - 2:44pm |
Ok, so I've been emailing back and forth to the repeat guy for about 2 days now. I'm about to make my move to the phone with him (I'll be asking for help on that in the near future. lol)...
BUT...
one problemo. He's divorced with a young son. Now, usually, that would be a dealbreaker with me, but I know my prospects are limited especially at my age if I keep that dealbreaker. Plus, despite him being divorced, he seems sincere (but aren't they all, lol!). So, I would like to give repeat guy a chance.
Before I dive into this, I'd like to know what are the pros and cons of getting to know a divorced man. All the other guys I emailed to in the past were never married with no children. This is my first time dealing with a divorced guy.
He emailed me this afternoon admitting to being divorced and wrote that he would understand if I didn't want to pursue it any further because of it. Before I respond back to his email, I want to ask the ladies for your opinions. What I'm thinking right now? I'm feeling bad about this, but I feel like interrogating him, like, "What happened to your marriage that led to the divorce?" or "Do you still have feelings for your ex?" I know it's not a terrible thing to be divorced and does not make that person a less of a person, but I still have a somewhat 20something mindset at times (if you can understand what I mean). Please don't get me wrong - I do not mean to offend anybody!
Thank you for your inputs!

I think the one appropriate question at this time would be, how long has your divorce been final? If it's been final for less than a year, then I'd think twice about dating him--newly divorced (or not yet divorced) people are generally in the "walking wounded" category, emotionally.
I don't think asking about how a previous relationship ended is appropriate early dating conversation, and it's definitely not something to be asked by email, IMO. If you meet him and you go out on more than 2-3 dates and you're still interested in him, then that's an appropriate question to ask (in person).
Sheri
Since you've decided to give him a shot knowing he is divorced, I can give you this advice, I've found that asking too many questions about a previous marriage
"I think the one appropriate question at this time would be, how long has your divorce been final? If it's been final for less than a year, then I'd think twice about dating him--newly divorced (or not yet divorced) people are generally in the "walking wounded" category, emotionally"
*Absolutely*.
I would even go so far as to say that women who are only divorced for a year are still dealing with the turmoil of it all. In fact, even people who are totally ok with the divorce still have things to learn from that they may not be present to.
Honestly, to the OP: There's nothing wrong with dating a divorced man. I think the thing to find out is what he learned from the experience and to see if he realizes that it took two to lead to a divorce and not just one. But to me, that's any relationship, isn't it? Take one day at a time, get to know the person, see what's up. At the end of the day you have to listen to a combination of your guy and your common sense.
And of course, let us know how things go!