Do all men onilne lie????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Do all men onilne lie????
20
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:32pm
Hello all,
A bit about my backround. I was married for 18 years. Not a very nice marriage. There was abuse and cheating. I have been seperated for 3 years and I have field for divorce about a year ago. Hoping to have it all warp up soon. I spent the last 3 years picking up the pieces of my life and making sure my kids are alright. Because maybe a good thing but he don't bother with them at all, which is sad. But we are okay and going on happy in life.
So I started dating in Dec. But the problem is I must have a sign on me that say CALLING ALL HANDS AND PIGS THAT LIE. Against myself I joined Match. Between working fulltime and the kids I don't really get alot of free time. I do go out with friends but my ideal guy is not picking up someone in a bar.
Okay here we go, you get the wink and you read their profile,(but they seem to lie) mind you I am very careful because I have kids, And you wink back, then here goes the emails. They seem good and then they rush the face to face meeting. Mind you in my profile it says a guy who will respect me and my values. Mr hands comes alive and you try to be nice with the slow down whats the rush? Can I at least know your last name. Then all of a sudden they have to leave and you don't hear from them again. Mind you this is guys in their 40's.
I know things have changed since I last dated but what is going on? Don't people like just to get to know you and see if you are looking for the same thing? Is there no more relationships? I could use any and all advice because my membership is almost up and I don't think I want to renew it. Where are the real men??????? Thank you all for listening.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:33pm

First weekend in March? I'll be ghosting then ... :-P

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 7:13pm

Tee hee! I think Sheri and Mark should meet! Wouldn't that be a great iVillage story?

Chick

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 7:32pm

Oh, we've already met several times--I consider Mark a friend and I think (hope!) he'd say the same about me ;-).

Sheri

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 8:04pm

Oh yeah. I think Sheri is AWESOME. I look forward meeting again when you come back down to the Rose City.

Hugs
Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 8:23pm

Hi

Yes real men are still out there. It is just harder to find them online. One on one you can read body signals, and actually look a guy in the eyes. Online romance is more about reading between the lines.

My advice is to find something that interests you and join a club or organization that supports its. The men you meet there will at least have similar interests to your own and you get to get an up close and personal feel for what he is really like.

If you are interested in a certain type of guy then join a club or organization where he might hang out. Ex. If you love computers some type of computer club may be the answer. Or if you love to excercize, joining a gym might be a great start.

Online romance can happen but I still believe in old fashioned face to face conversations.

Sincerely,
Caterina Christakos
seductiondiva.com

Caterina is a published author and founder of stillagirl.com - a positive place for women and girls. For free dating tips go to: http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 6:03am

OLD can be a nightmare or it can work out very well; seems like I hear more horror stories that success stories. But then, perhaps those involved in success stories are so busy enjoying each other they don't have the time or see any reason to be on these boards.

There are many men who want a to find a bed partner right away, and then there are some who are willing to wait at least until the 2nd date...lol. Seriously though, you have no idea who or what you're dealing with on OLD, some are just jerks out to score, and some are truly serious about finding a good partner.

It can take a lot of time, and trial and error before you meet the man who is right for you; and sometimes with OLD it never happens.

In the many years that I've been on different sites off and on, I've found that usually the same men are out there over and over again...but then, so am I.

I've found some who, like you wrote, want to meet right away, and then some who will email every now and then and never make any move to meet.

As my posting about "jerks" indicates, the one who claimed to be so loyal to me was going behind my back to write to other women (you'd have to read my entire post to see what I mean).

I've been married and divorced and am pretty fed up with the whole dating scene, I am finding that life is much more pleasant and peaceful without all the ups and downs of dating. But, that's just me, there are plenty of women who are doing very well with dating.

I do love my alone time, and love living alone...so for me, going solo appears to be what's right for me. Finding someone who wants just a casual companion is very difficult, and if I ever do, then that would be nice; but if I don't, no problem...I am satisfied with my life and don't feel short-changed at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:07am

I think if you want to get technical, EVERYONE lies online. Everyone "lies" a little bit about their age, or their weight, or their hobbies, or whatever. If we posted "yeah I like to hike but most weekends I sit on my butt and eat bon-bons" we probably wouldn't get many dates. :)

To your specific issues... the reason you keep getting losers is because you're advertising for them. You shouldn't NEED to say "I want a guy who respects me and my values" in your ad; any DECENT guy is going to respect you and your values ANYWAY.

By saying that, you throw out a big flag that you typically have wound up with guys who do NOT respect you, and that's like putting a red flag in front of a bull. The kinds of losers you've always had instinctively respond to that kind of thing, and the pattern you are in repeats itself.

There are, of course, lots of perfectly nice guys out there who aren't liars or Mr Hands. You just need to get more comfortable with yourself and instead of having to insist on certain things, you should just take them for granted, and as soon as someone acts contrary, you drop them like a hot potato.

For example, you take for granted that a guy doesn't grab your boobs until you know his last name. If some guy does, you slap him and leave the date. That's what women who truly demand and expect respect do... at least that's what they've always done to me. :)

You keep that first meeting or two or three nice and casual- first coffee somewhere, then maybe lunch or a nice walk for an hour around a park, then maybe a dinner at a casual place. You smile and say you would certainly like to go out for dancing and drinks but not tonight if a guy presses you to continue the date- that way he knows you still want to go out, but that you've got a spine and a certain expectation of how things are going to go.

This stuff isn't rocket science, but for someone who was stuck in an 18 year pattern of a crappy relationship like you, it's probably hard to gain these new habits. Don't freak out! You can do this- you've already come a long, long way in trying to improve your life and your happiness, right? Just don't give up now! :)

So. Work on those things, give them a shot for a few months, and then see how it goes. Come back on, say, May 1st and tell us.

And remember- if a guy's just not that into you, he'll show it. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, go out and buy the book "He's Just Not That Into You". You should be able to find it in paperback in used bookstore for very cheap by now.) If a guy's not into you, move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 5:32pm
Hi Mark,
I am usually a lurker, but I have this respect for you. You seem to be a guy who has found himself in a lot of ways. So what would you have to lie about? Or are you telling people like me what we want to hear?
E
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 6:44pm

Hi E,

I was kidding when I made the remark that "all men lie online."

For me, I see no payoff for lying. I'd rather be rejected upfront if I am too short, not the right ethnic mix, not the right religion or political leaning, etc. than lie who or what I am.

It makes no sense to me to lie for once the woman meets me or gets to know me more then she will know that what I said was a lie and then the relationship will end. What's the point in that?

I also know that most people have a distorted view of themselves so I always take online communication and information with a grain of salt. I look to meet sooner than later.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 7:43pm
PHEW! It's a few regular people like you that give me faith to keep going with this. 'Sometimes' it seems like everybody has soooooo much going on that 'it' will never happen at all. Glad to hear that you were kiddin' and are the real deal as I had suspected all along.
E

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