Do I or Don't I
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Do I or Don't I
| Sat, 01-13-2007 - 5:02pm |
I'm redoing this question on this message board because it is a little more appropriate.
Any way I'm a 50 year old guy which has alot going for him. I have a good job, own my own home, no children, and sort of good health- I could stand to lose 40-50 lbs. I am working on that. But the BIG question I have is whether I should include on an internet dating site all of the above and the fact that I'm a below knee amputee. I am not limited in the day-to-day stuff but playing sports (or hiking) other than golf is out of the question. I used to play racquetball quite well but that was 10 years ago. I have been an amputee for 25 years so I'm quite adjusted to it. The only thing that gets in the way is when do you tell someone I'm interested in? Should I say this in my profile and not have to risk the instant change in body language when I tell someone. I would know right away if someone responds to my ad that it is not an issue. But I also risk the possibility of scaring someone away from responding that might have thought it was no issue after having met me. At this age I'm finding less and less that it's not an issue. At 35 it was. It seems more and more that the people who don't think it's an issue have some sort of disability themselves. Anyways-your thoughts please!
Any way I'm a 50 year old guy which has alot going for him. I have a good job, own my own home, no children, and sort of good health- I could stand to lose 40-50 lbs. I am working on that. But the BIG question I have is whether I should include on an internet dating site all of the above and the fact that I'm a below knee amputee. I am not limited in the day-to-day stuff but playing sports (or hiking) other than golf is out of the question. I used to play racquetball quite well but that was 10 years ago. I have been an amputee for 25 years so I'm quite adjusted to it. The only thing that gets in the way is when do you tell someone I'm interested in? Should I say this in my profile and not have to risk the instant change in body language when I tell someone. I would know right away if someone responds to my ad that it is not an issue. But I also risk the possibility of scaring someone away from responding that might have thought it was no issue after having met me. At this age I'm finding less and less that it's not an issue. At 35 it was. It seems more and more that the people who don't think it's an issue have some sort of disability themselves. Anyways-your thoughts please!

I would say you do whatever makes you feel comfortable. It wouldn't have stopped me from communicating with a guy if I found him interesting when I was on eharmony. For me if you would have posted it in a funny/sarcastic/interesing fact kind of way then it wouldn't have put me off. It would only have been an issue if you posted it as a "poor me" or "disability" issue.
I would suggest that if you decide not to post it upfront that you find some way to let the women who are interested in you know before they see you face to face.
Good luck in your search for love!
Cyn
To the OP:
I myself wouldn't really think of posting something like that upfront. If you wear artificial gear and it does not hamper you in daily activities, why bother? It's not a disease, it's not transferable, and it's not really a big deal.
I mean, if you were to meet someone in public, would you immediately tell them you have an artificial leg? This is just how *I* look at it.
I know online dating is different and some people think differently but I don't see the big deal. It would be enough for me personally to just get to know someone first, and then find out later, because it really wouldn't make much difference to me.
This is a difficult issue and there have been a lot of emotional posts about this type of thing on this board. I personally would want someone to be upfront about that before meeting, and would feel blindsided if it were not disclosed prior to meeting and not inclined to continue dating you, NOT because of the leg but because of it not being disclosed. But I can appreciate that not everyone feels that way, so I think as someone else said, you need to do what is comfortable for you.
Sheri
Sheri's right - this has been a very debated topic.
You could review our past discussion of this if you scroll back (probably more than a few pages I'd guess) . . . sometime around oct or november I think. It was a huge string titled "revealing a disability".
Anyway sometimes I do reveal my limp and sometimes I don't . . . depends on if someone is travelling a good distance to see me . . . if they suggest a walk on a beach or something where the only actual reason I have to not want to do that is in fact the limp (then I won't lie my way out of a walk on the beach I'll just say I need a friendlier surface.
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Ask yourself this one question and perhaps it'll be more clear for you:
. . . would you expect a woman who has undergone a masectomy to reveal that in her profile in online dating . . . or for that matter in the first few email contacts?
Now don't confuse the matter with "would it bother me that she had a masectomy" with "should she diclose it prior to meeting". A person can be bothered by another person's condition and that's their undisputed right . . . the question isn't with whether a man would be bothered by a masectomy it is with whether a woman should disclose it in her profile or via email prior to meeting a man.
If you answered yes she should tell you . . . then you've answered your question and should live by that golden rule of "do unto others as you'd have done unto you"