Do many guys do this??
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Do many guys do this??
| Wed, 03-07-2007 - 7:35pm |
It seems like most of the guys I've been in contact with are either just out of a relationship (& still not done talking about it!)or, like the last 2, are still listed with their ex's online for phone #s, even when I call information...so they may not have even left them!! I've been on my own for a few years now & gave it some time before I even started looking. Is it normal for guys to jump in so fast or before things are even over?? Just frustrated I guess!

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Hjntiy,
I SOOOO wish I'd had the book (yup, HJNTIY) when I was involved with that bozo who was in loooooove with two other women he'd met online. I stuck around, longer than five minutes, because I didn't have the self-esteem to walk away or ask that he treat me in a more considerate and respectful manner. This guy was textbook classic "not into" me. He didn't want people in our church to know about us because he didn't want to be the subject of gossip. He couldn't find time to see me because of his work. He had no interest in getting to know my kids. And he blew off my concerns and confidences---one time I told him about an injury I'd gotten in an accident and he informed me that not only did his second ex-wife and his first Internet woman have similar injuries, the second Internet woman had a worse injury than I did, so I should not complain.
I put up with it for the same reasons I put up with verbal and emotional abuse in my marriage---I didn't think I deserved or would find anyone better. Pretty pathetic attitude when you think about it. In retrospect, this Mr. Wrong was probably one of the best things that happened to me because I learned that I did not want to be treated by anyone in such a callous, uncaring manner ever again and that I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't appreciate or truly love me.
And I was the classic desperate woman. The more Mr. Wrong squirmed, the harder I hung on. The more excuses he made, the more I excused his behavior. Finally, I got sick of hearing about the Internet women---and sex---he was obsessed with sex---and I told him that I didn't want him speaking to me about these subjects again. That was when he quit calling. He did string me along---I think he wanted a relationship but he preferred a fantasy to real life so that's why he was stuck on these two online ladies---and he would call me almost every night. We'd talk for hours. But it stopped abruptly when I finally stood up for myself.
I was lonely and I wanted a relationship. I think I wanted a relationship far more than I wanted a relationship with that particular guy. I think the same was true for him, although he was even more dazed and confused than I was.
My fiance is a truly sweet man---and yes, the clueless behavior---that's exactly what he has done. "Oh, I've been to that restaurant with Gertrude." Or "I saw this play at at such and such theater with Hortense." He wasn't doing that out of maliciousness or spite or to compare me with Gertrude, Hortense or any other woman. His other behavior indicates that yes, he is THAT into me! He has always called when he said he would, he goes out of his way to see me and he makes it a priority to spend time with me and my kids. He listens to me complain about my job and grad school and he takes an interest in things that he'd otherwise care nothing about---but they're important to him because I'm important to him.
His occasional cluelessness---which I think is his lizard brain speaking---is the biggest fault I see in him. That's something I can live with. BTW, there's this one restaurant that he has gone to before we dated. For a while, it seemed that every date he took there ended in disaster---and of course he had to tell me the number of dates, when they went out, what entrees they ordered (okay, exaggerating a bit but you KWIM.) Finally I just took him there one night so we could make our own memories. We ended up laughing our socks off---so now when we either of us needs an emotional boost, we go there. We laugh, we hold hands, we make goo-goo eyes at each other and probably nauseate everyone sitting near us---but we enjoy each other and have fun.
In retrospect, I am glad I had such a miserable experience with Mr. Wrong because it helped me appreciate Mr. Right. But I shudder to think that I was, at one point, willing to settle (AGAIN!) for someone who treated me poorly simply because I wanted to be with someone.
Francie
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