Do OLD and IM'ing mix well?
Find a Conversation
Do OLD and IM'ing mix well?
| Sat, 06-18-2005 - 5:59pm |
Here I go with another of my seemingly simple questions. I met a guy on match, he asked me for my IM screen name after one email from each of us, and we chatted once three days ago for quite a while. Since our work hours conflict, I didn't hear from him again until today, on instant messenger. We were talking a while and I was giving him clues I'm interested in not just chatting on-line. Finally, I told him I have to go do something productive and that my fingers hurt from typing so much. I asked him if he likes to chat so much on-line or if he would prefer to take it to the phone. He said that we could talk on the phone some time. So then I had to ask him if he would like my phone # and he said that would be wonderful. I felt dumb having to ask and wonder if some guys just don't get it if a woman is interested on-line and that's why they don't ask for the number. I'm hoping he'll call or I'll feel like a fool but we were chatting for quite a while and I didn't volunteer my number because I was desperate to speak to him on the phone but because I'm not a big fan of IM'ing. However, men I meet lately on the dating site ask me for my IM screen name right away. The little article on "the rules" of on-line dating on this site says not to IM a man since this makes a woman easily gettable. Should I avoid it altogether?

Pages
Hi ising,
Personally, I think IM'ing
My experience has been that guys who want to "chat" on IM are not really interested in meeting in real life, and/or they are primarily interested in cyber-sex, so I don't IM anymore with potential dates from OLD sites (I just let them know I prefer email and phone to IM'ing if they ask; if they have a problem with my preference, too bad!).
It sounds like this guy might be one of those guys who just wants to chat with women but isn't really interested in meeting. You'll have to let us know whether he calls!
Sheri
Ah, if I find out that one more guy is just not that into me after going to the trouble of sending me an email first and IM'ing me, if he IM's me at all to begin with, I'm going to quit this on-line dating thing. It seems like all I get is flakes who change their minds somewhere along the way before even talking to me over the phone. How can you possibly judge what someone's like over a computer I wonder. It's truly a waste of time in my opinion. I will give anyone who I email back a try for at least a first meet because I have no idea if I like him or not over the computer. I have better luck in real life it seems like to me. This guy sounded like he will call me but as I said, I had to spell it out to him that I would rather speak on the phone. Thanks for the advice and I won't get my hopes up.
To Sherri, this guy works nights and 60 hour weeks so he's busy. He's mentioned that a lot of women have a problem with this. So I'm thinking that maybe he figured he won't be able to meet with me very soon anyway. He seems very respectful on-line and has not said anything that's even slightly sexual or flirtatious so I don't think he's after cyber sex. I will be sure to let you know how it goes. Thanks!
Edited 6/18/2005 7:39 pm ET ET by ising101
I really hope I'm wrong about him...yes, it's probably best if you go into this with little/no expectations..."heart insurance", if you will ;)
Good luck!
~Lori
If he's so busy, how did he have time to spend all that time IM'ing with you? Wouldn't that time have been put to much better use meeting for a cup of coffee???
Sheri
It may well be a generational thing...I'm 46 and most of the men I'm meeting through OLD sites are in that general age range. So it could just be that *older* men like to hide behind IM'ing or just want to have cyber sex ;-).
I also just don't really like IM'ing in general--I find it intrusive and way too time consuming compared to emailing or talking on the phone. And I haven't had any bad experiences so far with giving out my cell phone number (have been able to screen pretty well via a few email exchanges), but if you have had bad experiences I can understand not wanting to give it out.
Sheri
Pages