Do OLD and IM'ing mix well?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Do OLD and IM'ing mix well?
16
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 5:59pm
Here I go with another of my seemingly simple questions. I met a guy on match, he asked me for my IM screen name after one email from each of us, and we chatted once three days ago for quite a while. Since our work hours conflict, I didn't hear from him again until today, on instant messenger. We were talking a while and I was giving him clues I'm interested in not just chatting on-line. Finally, I told him I have to go do something productive and that my fingers hurt from typing so much. I asked him if he likes to chat so much on-line or if he would prefer to take it to the phone. He said that we could talk on the phone some time. So then I had to ask him if he would like my phone # and he said that would be wonderful. I felt dumb having to ask and wonder if some guys just don't get it if a woman is interested on-line and that's why they don't ask for the number. I'm hoping he'll call or I'll feel like a fool but we were chatting for quite a while and I didn't volunteer my number because I was desperate to speak to him on the phone but because I'm not a big fan of IM'ing. However, men I meet lately on the dating site ask me for my IM screen name right away. The little article on "the rules" of on-line dating on this site says not to IM a man since this makes a woman easily gettable. Should I avoid it altogether?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:16am
My mistake Sherri. He put a 60 in his conversation when I asked him how many hours he works but I misunderstood and it was not the # of hours. He works 5 days a week plus some Sundays on nights so our schedules kind of clash. Yeah, you would think meeting would be a better option. To the other posters, we're both in our mid/late 20's and yeah, I know our age group uses IM'ing a lot. I personally never liked it though, especially when the person does other things and talks to other people while IM'ing me. And so many people do that that I ultimately see it as disrespectful and try to avoid IM'ing as much as possible. And yeah, most of the men on my contact list are blocked not because I don't like them but because of the above mentioned long IM conversations that wasted my time. Unless we live far away from each other, I don't resort to IM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 2:17pm

I like IM-ing as a BRIEF intermediate step between e-mailing and talking on the phone for two reasons -- it lets me evaluate if they are even remotely literate (can he spell? Put together a sentence? Does he think "UR2 KEWT" is acceptable?) and to see if they are quick thinkers and reasonably interesting. IM-ing moves quickly -- can he keep up?

That said, I won't do it more than once before moving to the phone, and it almost has to be set up as "appointment" -- I won't get IMs at work, so someone has to say "will you be around at such-and-such a time to chat?"

Third reason I like it... I DREAD talking on the phone so the IM step gives me one more stage of procrastination .. :-)

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 7:11pm

Hi Sheri,


I think you may have hit the nail on the head... I think it may just be a generational thing. Though I'm ok with email, I much prefer IM because of the real-time interaction. I have been on the Net since Gopher, Archie and Veronica were around, so it's not really about the experience level either. Sometimes I wonder if people who are faster typers prefer IM? I know my brother prefers email to IM, yet he's not the greatest typist.


Back to the original topic... I've definitely weeded out a few weirdos via IM, so it's been good for me. Sorry you've had the cyber sex types... Me? I would

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 7:20pm
I agree that IM can give you a feel for a person - their style, personality etc - that can be covered up by a well written and though out email. Another thing about IM - it does give a possible hint if someone is playing games, married or whatever if they aren't available to IM in the evening or on weekends.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 7:43pm

No, I'm a very fast typist...I just haven't had a good experience with the men who like to IM, so I don't do it anymore. Weeding out by email or phone works fine for me.

Actually cyber sex has been less of a problem than those guys who just want to chat, chat, chat with you forever and a day and never meet. That is the main issue I have had.

And as I said, I also find it highly intrusive (as opposed to email which you can answer at your leisure) and a huge time sink (it's still a whole lot easier to SAY stuff on the phone than type it, even if you're a fast typist!).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:27am
I always used IM.

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