Do Opposites Attract?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Do Opposites Attract?
7
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 3:55pm

I was surfing on soulmatch.com and found this article.

http://soulmatch.com/advice/hendrix/article03.aspx

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 4:45pm

Here's a link to the same article, that doesn't require registration.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/149/story_14969_1.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 6:23pm
Ooops!!! I did not think about the registration part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 8:02pm

I think that "article" stinks, and is a terrible oversimplification.

The fact is that plenty of research has been done on the notion of whether it's "opposites attract" or "birds of a feather flock together".

The answer to this research? Well, nobody has unlocked the total mystery of what makes a person work great with one person, and horribly with another.

BUT... most of the common thinking is that there are some personality traits where people DO prefer (and work better with) like types; and there are some personality traits where opposites seem to get along better.

For example, someone who's naturally very outgoing and loud might do well with someone who's more introverted if this portion of their personalities serves to moderate the excesses of the other person.

But the odds are that a church-going, religiously faithful person is simply NOT going to be happy with an unrepentent hedonistic atheist. In this sense, it's better if a couple's preferences are matched up.

Given a little time, I have no doubt that people on here could think of their own lives and the lives of those they know, and come up with a listing of personality traits that simply MUST be of "like types", and which ones actually seem like they work better if/when a couple has differing views.

In any case, I didn't think much of this article. He tries to have it both ways; he says that at first, opposites attract, but after you get to know them whatever they have that you lack makes you feel unwhole and therefore you start rejecting a person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 10:12pm
My ex husband and I were opposites...literally. I liked chocolate ice cream - him: vanilla. I like rock & roll- him: country. He drinks too much - I don't drink at all. He dips copanhagon. I quit smoking shortly after our wedding. He's a workaholic that is not at all family oriented and rather selfish. I was the one that did everything for the family and children and learned to take the time out for them. The last few years of our marriage was dead until he finally left last spring. So I suppose I did find some truth to the article.
Jeanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 11:59pm

My ex and I were opposites in a lot of ways, but I think that wasn't the innate problem. The crux was that he was unable (or unwilling) to entertain any other idea but his own. He was BAPTIST. (in other words, he was the only one going to Heaven) He liked ROCK AND ROLL (music didn't exist before this genre). He believed that OU WAS THE GREATEST TEAM TO EVER PLAY FOOTBALL (never mind that my team beat the living H*** outta his a time or two in there). He hadn't the ability to see things from any other perspective, and anyone who took the opposite side wasn't in for a friendly debate ... they were just PLAIN OL' WRONG. (and sometimes paid dearly for it) Thus ... NEXT!

I believe that opposites can attract if there's enough open-minded empathy for the other side of the coin. Without that, you're just playing tug-o-war with emotions, and that's not good ... there's always someone who loses in that game!

~~h~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:43am

My ex and I were very much opposites and after 25 years we finally ended it. The qualities I admired in him during the beginning phase of the relationship were actually things that got on my nerves about him over time. Also we didn't have that many of the same interests and our ideas on discipline and how to raise kids were quite different. You couldn't find two people who were so opposite! We got married shortly after high school and I know that it was the hormones that brought us together then. So yes we attracted in the beginning, but over time we definitely repelled very much!!!

Now in this second chapter of my life, I believe that a relationship would work better for me with someone with more commonality in interests and in personality. I know we won't have all of the same interests, but a few would be a start! Yet I'm not dead set about what type of person I am seeking...so I guess what I am saying is that I am keeping an open mind to the future possibilities...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 4:51pm

OMG! Holly! Are you sure you weren't married to my ex husband? you quoted him exactly all the way down to OU!!!lol

Jeanie