Do we look for what is wrong???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Do we look for what is wrong???
28
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:06am

Coming to this message board makes me question whether or not we are utilizing the profiles on the dating sites to our benefit. It appears that we share what is wrong with the men we come across but hardly ever do we post the ones that work for us. I'm confused about this. Do we really want a good solid relationship with a healthy man??? Are we eliminating too many profiles for foolish reasons??

Just a thought.

F

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:15am

I see where you're going with this..

And IMO, I think that we get sooo many bad ones that the good ones never make it to the headlines. And I don't mean knock your socks off good either, because I see those get posted on here just as quickly as the bad ones do. But the "so-so, maybe have potential" ones that are slow to develop who get lost in the shuffle. Is that what you're getting at?

If so, yeah. It does make one stop and take a moment to think what DO we want.

I like your thought

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:18am

What I have concluded from the Internet is that OLD and other sources allow people to showcase their inner selves(whether they want to or not) much quicker than if we had to rely solely on chance or face to face meetings.

There are 3 billion men in this world, by using the Internet as a tool it allows people to sort through the throngs of dating possibilities and narrow down a good match. I like to see men and women using their heads, and comparing and contrasting rather than getting stuck in a bad relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:33am

I call it the Chandler Bing complex. He always found fault with every woman he dated because of his fear. (Head too big.....head too small etc.) Do we eliminate men for foolish reasons?

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:38am

No I don't think we look for what is wrong; but the majority are "seasoned/experienced" OLD daters; so we know what we want and will tolerate. Doesn't mean we all don't want a solid healthy relationship.

I think the true difference is the priority you place on being in a relationship. I personally would love to be in a relationship; but it's not my TOP priority. If it happens, cool; if not, also cool!

In the interim, my time is better spent enjoying life then perusing OLD profiles and overlooking certain character flaws hoping to ignite a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:05am

I think the key word is "tolerate".

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:32am
I'm with you and that's why I posted that cyncism post... I fear that many times, we're saying we're just being selective but in reality our lists of what we want may be unreaslistic.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 12:12pm

Ya know, I really feel like I've wittled my list down as far as it can go..and I think most of us on here feel/are the same way. I basically only have dealbreakers on it now, but those are non-negotiable and I've given them a lot of thought.

If wanting things like honesty, reliability, *some* level of emotional health and maturity and the desire and capability of being in a serious LTR, in a man with whom I have a rapport and to whom I am physically attracted is "unrealistic", then so be it. I mean, that's basically my list. Oh, and he does have to be single, too. What am I supposed to give up, exactly? I'm open on race, age, education level, job, income...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 12:37pm

I'm starting a new job on May 1st. When I began my job search 2 months ago I made a list of what type of job I wanted. I forgot about the list until I found it last night. It had about 10 items on it. Then new job meets all 10 of my criteria. The more I thought about taking the job, the more pleased I am about the decision.

I think it is important that any major life change meets one's personal needs. Otherwise, what's the point?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 12:47pm

That's great, congratulations. I would venture to guess that having made the list, you assimilated it into your search and decision making process on some level, even if you weren't consciously aware of it.

But yes, if I'm going to have a significant romantic relationship into which I will be investing substantial amounts of time and effort, it needs to meet my needs/wants, whatever they are (and everyone's going to have different things that they want or need and that's their perogative)...otherwise, what's the point, indeed?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:33pm

Well, I'm a man so I won't presume to speak for the ladies - not even the ones I've met and/or dated. :) But one of the resons I decided to put OLD aside was that I definitely was concentrating on what was wrong instead of what was right...a guilty-until-proven-innocent mindset. It finally dawned even on me that this was the wrong attitude with which to approach the process.



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