Do we look for what is wrong???
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Do we look for what is wrong???
| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:06am |
Coming to this message board makes me question whether or not we are utilizing the profiles on the dating sites to our benefit. It appears that we share what is wrong with the men we come across but hardly ever do we post the ones that work for us. I'm confused about this. Do we really want a good solid relationship with a healthy man??? Are we eliminating too many profiles for foolish reasons??
Just a thought.
F

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This is a big part of what you posted about cynicism.........I just see so much of the negativity of what they are finding on the dating sites posted on this board. Do we ever find one that is acceptable???
Truly how many success stories are there here? When I posted on this board in 2000 there were people that were in relationships mostly long term and the postings were based on their experience with that. There were great successes and marriages and countdowns to meeting the people they had met online. There isn't any of that here anymore...just postings about how dates went or didn't go and the giggles about certain profiles.
F
I agree but did you laugh at the jobs that didn't fit? Or did you just focus on the ones that did?
F
When this company approached me I spent a great deal of time on the phone with both my future manager and a potential coworker making sure this was going to be a correct fit and that the deal they gave me was going to be right for me. Since they liked me and I liked them, we were quickly able to work out a plan that was right for both of us.
I take this approach to dating as well, communicate, communicate, communicate. When we search on monster or hotjobs, we don't say we'll take any job, we put in criteria and let the search engine do its job. The same is to be said for OLD, there is no shame in prequalification.
Go read the boards over on Ask Mr. Answer Man and The Dating Doyenne, there you will find many women trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. A little research goes a long long way.
Quite a few success stories, actually. There was a post about that recently...perhaps you missed it. However, since most people who are now IN relationships that started through OLD, they unfortunatley don't post here much any more.
I'm curious to know what from my list of dealbreakers you think I should drop in order to find someone who is "acceptable"? Of course, I'm not going to drop any of them (they are *my* dealbreakers after all ;-)), but I'm truly curious.
As for the giggles...sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying at the frustration of it all! I personally tend to shy away from posts that do that (not my cup of tea), but I don't begrudge others the chance to have some fun...OLD is *stressful*!
Sheri
I don't think it's a matter of dropping things from your dealbreakers. I think it's a matter of our attitude about things, like fluffy said... looking for the negative. I also think that many folks tend to ignore signs and then complain about why the OLD date turned out the way it did. For example, people give ghosts a second chance and then can't understand why things work out again.
In no way am I saying we should ignore things. I just tend to think that always looking at the negative will result in negative. That's the way I feel, doesn't mean anyone has to agree. I'm happy in my little box by myself! ;o) LOL
Well, the reason you don't see tons of success stories is once those people find success, they tend to not post anymore!
Yeah, we're SO not on the same page about THAT topic, but that's ok ;-)!
I guess I'm just a little frustrated with these types of threads because I *have* a positive, optimistic attitude (I wouldn't still be doing this if I didn't!), but that doesn't stop the negatives from happening. I don't WANT there to be negatives, why would I? But wanting doesn't make it so. "If wishes were horses..."
Edited to add: In other words, a positive attitude, in and of itself, isn't enough to have success...that is what's frustrating to me.
Sheri
Edited 3/29/2006 4:08 pm ET by northwestwanderer
I'm positive but I'm also realistic and can laugh at some of the stuff that goes on doing OLD - you have too!
I think what I really am striving for is *objectivity*...to not take things as positive or negative, in and of themselves, but rather just *observe* a particular behavior or piece of information (unless it's clearly on my list of dealbreakers by any objective standard), and not make a judgment about it one way or the other until I have more information.
"Wait and see", as you say.
Sheri
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