Do we look for what is wrong???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Do we look for what is wrong???
28
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:06am

Coming to this message board makes me question whether or not we are utilizing the profiles on the dating sites to our benefit. It appears that we share what is wrong with the men we come across but hardly ever do we post the ones that work for us. I'm confused about this. Do we really want a good solid relationship with a healthy man??? Are we eliminating too many profiles for foolish reasons??

Just a thought.

F

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 3:57pm

"Are we eliminating too many profiles for foolish reasons??"


But the question is, what is a foolish reason?


And, what is more foolish: communicating

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:59pm

I agree! I was trying to make the point that we should put the same energy looking for a job AND looking for a relationship. Like someone said it's all about making good choices. I congratulate you on your new job.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:01pm

No one is getting flamed here. It was just an observation and a topic of conversation. I choose not to post and criticize but that is what this board is for. To share experiences and gain insight.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:03pm

I am the first one to give my "ghost" a 2nd chance. Oh wait is that a 50th chance???

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:05pm

But it's a better start than to live in the negative where nothing seems to go right. I believe in karma and how the world evolves....if you want to remain in the negative only negative things come your way.

This "thread" isn't about anyone or any post in particular. It was just an observation in regards to how different the board is from 2000. I never was any good with change. lol

F

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:14pm

I don't disagree at all...but I also don't think that *noticing* and paying attention to negatives is the same as "living in the negative" and that's the impression I got from this and BC's previous thread (that noticing negatives and *being* negative are one and the same thing).

Maybe it's just a difference in semantics, who knows ;-).

I personally prefer the board's current focus on using OLD to meet people to date IRL...I could never relate to the whole idea of "loving" someone you've never met, as you may recall ;-). I know that it *can* work out, it's just a concept that I can't fathom. But I hear you on not liking change...I still really miss the glory days of the UOS and Living Single 30 and Up boards and the friends I made on both, many of whom I have met IRL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:44pm

Hey Sheri... I agree, I don't think a positive attitude in and of itself is going to equate to success. However, I do think when we tend to see and look for the negative, that's what we'll see. Now I know you and I won't agree on this point. And that's ok. But there's many a people that still do OLD and still find only negative about it. I just tend to find that many OLDers tend to find that the negative is true. If a guy doesn't call he's not interested, if a guy doesn't follow-up, he doesn't like us... but I've found many guys on that side who have told me that the girls they met didn't let them know they liked 'em. That's all I'm saying... keep your minds and hearts open. Keep your instincts intact, but realize that our first impression may not be the end all be all because we're all a bit jaded... KWIM? ;o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:19am

I think it has a lot to do with the amount of rejection that happens with OLD. I think we get so accustomed to being rejected that we expect it more than we expect success. Unlike IRL we meet someone and have a chemistry there is little failures because we already know that we have a good chemistry. With OLD (much like blind dates) the vulnerability is high and how many times have we all been rejected based on something that person sees in us by a picture or our profile??? This is one of the reasons why I stopped. The pounding I was getting with OLD was beginning to deteriorate my self esteem. The thought of starting back up again scares me for that same reason. I have worked hard to build my confidence and for some stranger out in the world to tear that down isn't right.

Are we rejecting them before they reject us?

F

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