do you contact people?
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| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 2:59pm |
I was reading another board and a few guys were saying that women never need to contact guys online because they get enough contacting from guys themselves. Now for me, I did contact two people...and neither of them responded. A bit of a blow to the ego...but whatever, there's been lots i havent responded to either. But due to that...i feel that i dont want to contact anyone anymore...I am sensitive and if it keeps happening i'll really feel like, wow what is wrong with me, that no one is responding to me when ive contacted them first? Am i totally contacting people out of my league? I didnt think so...i will admit one was very attractive, he perhaps gets lots of contacting.
What about you? do you contact many people or do you let them do most of the contacting then if you like them you respond?

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Hi Corbeach,
I share your reluctance in contacting people too. I know it's not the 1950's anymore, but I still think men prefer to pursue women in any relationship. There are definitely exceptions out there, I'm sure. But I've also sent out a few winks and emails and I haven't had any response either, so I've held off doing it too.
Maybe the eWorld isn't that different than real life!
Elissa_SF
The guy I’m dating now contacted me twice and I don’t remember him. I then contacted him with a wink about 2 months later. Chances are when he contacted me I was dating others – so stop taking it personally, this is OLD.
Well, yes, I think it is easier to let a guy contact you first. I just contacted my first, and i'm on pins and needles wondering if my profile is an accurate representation of me AND if it will be appealing to him. He looked at my profile, and hasn't contacted me yet. (less than a day, I'm sure he wouldn't want to appear too eager). Now, I think it is pretty shallow for someone to reject a contact just based on a profile, I would generally prefer that they give me at least a chance to email again or get to the phone call stage. And I would not have contacted this guy if I had not gone through his profile with a fine toothed comb and found a lot of apparent compatibilities and not one item that caused me hesitation.
On the other hand, guys tend to try the birdshot approach. I've gotten contacts from scads of guys who are not remotely a match, they just seem to contact every new member. I would only contact one at a time, see how it pans out, then move on to another. But would a guy assume that a woman was using the birdshot approach because they are stupid enough to think that is the only way to do it? I mean, some of these winks come from across the country. Puhleeze.
So if this guy doesn't contact me back or turn into a first meet I'll be disappointed, but I'll assume his lack of interest was not about me, but about him.
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
This particular time, I didn't really do that much contacting -- a lot of the guys contacted me. I had just gotten off a long hiatus from online dating and I guess I'm still building myself back up to putting in the effort. (smile) I contacted a few, but not as many as I did in the past (mainly due to their looks). I really viewed and read profiles cause the reality is I only need ONE!
Even when guys contact me; I may never reply back (not my type) or even if I do, and they respond they may still ghost or disappear. Don't take it personally, and as long as when you meet someone who is truly interested and he is doing the pursuing; I don't think it really matters who did the initial contacting.
Not so much lately since I'm only on CL and I prefer to post an ad and have people respond to me on that site, but on the "traditional" sites, I always had much better luck with the guys I contacted than the ones who contacted me--pretty much all the guys I've ended up dating for any length of time were guys I contacted first. They were more what I'm looking for than the ones who contacted me.
Sheri
I have probably contacted about a third of all guys I have chatted with online. I see no harm in sending out an email if its something regarding their profile. ie: it says you just moved to the city where did you move here from?
A few guys have actually said "thanks for contacting me, I was really excited at how great your profile was and I only read it cause you sent me an email" or something along those lines
Go for it, and remember you dont reply to every email so why should a guy have to??
glasses
We've given you some PEARLS of advice with on line dating, examples and why not to take it personally yet you keep going back to YOU and how it's a blow to your ego, it's not!
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