do you contact people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
do you contact people?
32
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 2:59pm

I was reading another board and a few guys were saying that women never need to contact guys online because they get enough contacting from guys themselves. Now for me, I did contact two people...and neither of them responded. A bit of a blow to the ego...but whatever, there's been lots i havent responded to either. But due to that...i feel that i dont want to contact anyone anymore...I am sensitive and if it keeps happening i'll really feel like, wow what is wrong with me, that no one is responding to me when ive contacted them first? Am i totally contacting people out of my league? I didnt think so...i will admit one was very attractive, he perhaps gets lots of contacting.

What about you? do you contact many people or do you let them do most of the contacting then if you like them you respond?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:14pm

Hi Corbeach,

I share your reluctance in contacting people too. I know it's not the 1950's anymore, but I still think men prefer to pursue women in any relationship. There are definitely exceptions out there, I'm sure. But I've also sent out a few winks and emails and I haven't had any response either, so I've held off doing it too.

Maybe the eWorld isn't that different than real life!

Elissa_SF

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:25pm
yeah i thought of that too (men pursuing thing)...but on this other board the men were complaining that they dont really get contacted much and they wish women would contact them. A friend of mine said she contacted a lot of people online and they responded and went out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:53pm

The guy I’m dating now contacted me twice and I don’t remember him. I then contacted him with a wink about 2 months later. Chances are when he contacted me I was dating others – so stop taking it personally, this is OLD.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 5:18pm

Well, yes, I think it is easier to let a guy contact you first. I just contacted my first, and i'm on pins and needles wondering if my profile is an accurate representation of me AND if it will be appealing to him. He looked at my profile, and hasn't contacted me yet. (less than a day, I'm sure he wouldn't want to appear too eager). Now, I think it is pretty shallow for someone to reject a contact just based on a profile, I would generally prefer that they give me at least a chance to email again or get to the phone call stage. And I would not have contacted this guy if I had not gone through his profile with a fine toothed comb and found a lot of apparent compatibilities and not one item that caused me hesitation.

On the other hand, guys tend to try the birdshot approach. I've gotten contacts from scads of guys who are not remotely a match, they just seem to contact every new member. I would only contact one at a time, see how it pans out, then move on to another. But would a guy assume that a woman was using the birdshot approach because they are stupid enough to think that is the only way to do it? I mean, some of these winks come from across the country. Puhleeze.

So if this guy doesn't contact me back or turn into a first meet I'll be disappointed, but I'll assume his lack of interest was not about me, but about him.

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 5:29pm

This particular time, I didn't really do that much contacting -- a lot of the guys contacted me. I had just gotten off a long hiatus from online dating and I guess I'm still building myself back up to putting in the effort. (smile) I contacted a few, but not as many as I did in the past (mainly due to their looks). I really viewed and read profiles cause the reality is I only need ONE!

Even when guys contact me; I may never reply back (not my type) or even if I do, and they respond they may still ghost or disappear. Don't take it personally, and as long as when you meet someone who is truly interested and he is doing the pursuing; I don't think it really matters who did the initial contacting.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:04pm

Not so much lately since I'm only on CL and I prefer to post an ad and have people respond to me on that site, but on the "traditional" sites, I always had much better luck with the guys I contacted than the ones who contacted me--pretty much all the guys I've ended up dating for any length of time were guys I contacted first. They were more what I'm looking for than the ones who contacted me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 9:10pm

I have probably contacted about a third of all guys I have chatted with online. I see no harm in sending out an email if its something regarding their profile. ie: it says you just moved to the city where did you move here from?

A few guys have actually said "thanks for contacting me, I was really excited at how great your profile was and I only read it cause you sent me an email" or something along those lines

Go for it, and remember you dont reply to every email so why should a guy have to??

glasses

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 7:57am
I don't typically make initial contact however in one case I did and it ended up being the reason we ended up talking. He said he was not intrigued by all of the cookie cutter "winks" or whatever they are and that he contacted back because I was sincere and made the effort. I spoke to him on the phone last night for 2 hours and we have a date on Saturday night. Of the other hundreds of guys that have "checked me out" I haven't bothered. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if someone strikes you as worth the effort what have you got to lose?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 9:53am
Thanks for the replies. I think right now I am not going to contact anyone...I dont have the thickest skin and i feel sort of irritated by the people that didnt answer me, lol. I feel like everyday i'll have messages from people I'm not interested in...so i took a chance and contacted 2 folks and no response. I guess that's just how it is...if people arent interested, they dont respond. I have seen a few guys who i feel like, wow...i would love to contact him...but my gut feeling is that they wouldnt write back and at this point in my life it would be a blow to my ego.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:54am

We've given you some PEARLS of advice with on line dating, examples and why not to take it personally yet you keep going back to YOU and how it's a blow to your ego, it's not!

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu

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