do you contact people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
do you contact people?
32
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 2:59pm

I was reading another board and a few guys were saying that women never need to contact guys online because they get enough contacting from guys themselves. Now for me, I did contact two people...and neither of them responded. A bit of a blow to the ego...but whatever, there's been lots i havent responded to either. But due to that...i feel that i dont want to contact anyone anymore...I am sensitive and if it keeps happening i'll really feel like, wow what is wrong with me, that no one is responding to me when ive contacted them first? Am i totally contacting people out of my league? I didnt think so...i will admit one was very attractive, he perhaps gets lots of contacting.

What about you? do you contact many people or do you let them do most of the contacting then if you like them you respond?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:17am

'It sounds like you need to work on your confidence and self esteem.'

I do and I am working on it....

I guess i like it when the guy contacts me first anyways, lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 7:53pm

One thing that you have to bear in mind is that a good percentage of the men who do online dating are not paying members which means that they can't contact you even if they were interested. To get around this, I "sneak" in my personal e-mail at the bottom of my e-mail to them - it doesn't get blocked by the OLD "police" because I spell out the words like "dot" and "com". I've had more responses since I figured out this technique but in the end, there could be a million reasons why a guy doesn't respond and you can't take it personally. I've learned not to look back at my sent mail and dwell on why guys didn't respond. It's just not worth it. I've been doing OLD for about 2 years now. I'm told I'm a catch, yet I'd say I only hear back from about 20% of the men I contact. That's just the way it is . . .

One last comment - the most frustrating thing is when a guy makes the initial contact with you and when you respond, he doesn't e-mail you back! I'm like, hello what was the point in contacting me in the first place? One of the many "joys" of online dating :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:47am

I'm just getting back into this after a bit of a hiatus. I've been doing OLD off and on for about 2 years now, mostly with Match. I've found that I have better luck when I contact the guys first. I'm 46 and the few winks & emails I tend to get are from guys who just don't interest me for one reason or another. Mostly they're too old for me or too far away. The guys that I did end up dating for a while who contacted me first just really weren't for me after all but I gave it a shot.


It's always a hit-or-miss situation no matter what and though many don't respond, some do. I figure nothing ventured nothing gained and as is said many times here, it's a numbers game. Just keep plugging away and don't take the non-responses personally because there are any number of reasons why someone doesn't write back. I know I have to be in a certain "zone" when everything gels for me to respond to someone even when I like their profile. There's a level of self-confidence that comes and goes as well as just having the time to devote to this and it always doesn't align. The recipients of your emails may not be paying members, in the Match game they can't even read your email if they're not members or they may not be in a situation at the moment where they can or want to pursue something. So don't let any of that get you down.


Cheers,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 1:58am

Oh yeah, I contact a lot, I would say.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:00am
I agree. In OLD, I think the cards are played differently. I think men EXPECT women to contact them as well. & actually, there were a couple of guys I contacted, who i saw viewed my profile - who i was very interested in - & then I thought "well, they didnt contact me, must not be interested". but once we chatted, a couple of them thougth *I* was out of *their* leaugue ... when *I* was thinking the opposite. So basically, you never know till you try. What have you got to lose?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:04am
I get inundated with mail & winks too ... but 98% are people i totally have NO interest in!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:06am
That makes sense - i never thought of it that way. Of coruse the likelihood we would have a better chance with those WE contact ... b/c we are interested! As opposed to many who we werent interested in, contacting us. Hmmmm....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:10am

I am so glad to see & hear what you said. People always say I am a "catch" as well ... but i just responded a while ago that about 75% of the guys I contact, never write back. So I guess it IS normal afterall.


Now, about yoru trick. Is that with Match as well?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:15am
Yes, same here.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 8:09am

I know for a fact my trick of inserting my home e-mail address in code works on Yahoo Personals because I had a non-member told me that he was glad I did that since he wasn't a member. I'm pretty sure it works on Match as well but I've never actually asked a guy who contacted me at my home e-mail if he was a member or not. I would have out of curiousity, but the conversation never got that far along.

Honestly I would guess that at least half of the men on Match are not paying members, especially the ones who have been online a while.