Do you do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Do you do this?
6
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:31pm

<<<>>> Someone said on another thread..

That's what I've been wondering too, because I'm new at this. I've started talking to a few, but there's one that seems funny and intelligent. Do you set a time limit in your mind to give them to ask you out on a real date? What's realistic? Also, how do you feel if they're on several websites? (Except Booty Call! LOL!! that's a definite no-go)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:59pm

Well, since I'm the one who said it, I'm happy to share my opinion ;-).

I like to exchange maybe 3-4 emails and then move to the phone. If the guy hasn't asked if he can call me by the time we've exchanged a few emails (assuming I'm still interested in meeting him at that point), I'll take the bull by the horns and say something like, "I've found it works better for me to get to know someone in person rather than by email. Why don't we talk on the phone and see if it makes sense to meet for coffee?"

During the phone call, I make up my mind if I want to meet for coffee. If I do, and after we've talked for 15-20 minutes or so and he doesn't seem to be making any move to make a plan to meet, I'll usually say something, so what do you think, do you want to meet for a cup of coffee? If he says yes, then we set it up.

I don't think of the first meet as a "real date" btw. For me at least, it's best to have it just be a quick meet, to see if there's enough of a connection to have a real date (I've had WAY too many interminable dinners where I knew from the moment we laid eyes on each other that it wasn't going to work, so I don't do that any more, as a rule).

I don't see any problem with a guy being on several dating sites--although yes, if it turns out he's also on sites like Adult Friendfinder or a booty call site, then I will give him a miss ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 8:05pm
Thanks! He does have my phone number and he gave me his, but I want him to be the one to call! I want to do this "right" and not scare him off. I know educationally this guy brings out the best in me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 12:03am
We texted, I asked him about calling, he called, 3 hours later I'm going to bed!! Woo-Hoo!! "While visions of real dates danced in her head!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 5:09am

What's with all the rules? I see a lot questions regarding online dating on this site:

1. When should we talk on the phone?
2. When should we meet in person?
3. How often should we e-mail each other?
Etc., etc., etc.

I don't understand all the rules that women make up as to how a guy should, or should not act when involved in online dating. And for that matter, a lot of women want to establish 'rules' once they start dating someone....what's with all the control?

Use common sense and play it safe. Anyone you meet online is a complete stranger. Would you run up to someone on the street and give him your personal information? Would you meet someone on the street and set up a date?

And so what if they are on several online dating sites? What in the world is wrong with that? They just don't want to put all of their eggs in one basket, what's wrong with that? It isn't anyone else's business how many sites they sign up on.

How would you feel if a man you met online starting setting up rules for how you should or should not act? Would you like it if he dumped you because you seemed too excited to meet him? What if he dropped you because you didn't e-mail him according to his rules/timeframe? Or if he dropped you because you didn't follow his self-made rules?

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 8:08am
Thank-you for your input. It's more of a question of "normal averages" on when to, and when to is different than "they have to". There iis nothing wrong with being on several sites, but I have a question of "hound dog or not" sometimes. Of course it's a moot point now, things are moving forward!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:10am

I think it is less arbitrary "rules" than people trying to figure out how to interpret the behavior of the men they date (or might date) and trying to come across in a way that will give the right message.

I agree that common sense is the key, but there is a side of common sense that is developed through experience of others and how they act. Here, it seems to me, women (and some men) pool their experiences and impressions to "hone" their common sense.

Do we sometimes sound a little crazy? Yes, everyone who has a lot riding on something gets a little crazy. Remember how some people act when they are students facing final exams. Or how new parents act, until they figure out the baby is not going to break. (I have a friend who is a pediatrician who tells of parents who obsessively ask her if they are holding the baby right, what a little burb as opposed to a big burp means, etc.) Everyone who is here goes through stressful periods when new (or all too familiar) patterns in their dating life emerges. And OLD isn't something we can always talk about to our friends (many of whom think we are crazy to be doing it anyway).

So, while I agree that we should just relax and go with the flow, I think the questions about "what does it mean?" or "what shoud I do?" are a good thing. Getting feedback about how others have experienced OLD helps some of us "relax and go with the flow."

Elsa