Do you ever get emails like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Do you ever get emails like this?
14
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:04am

I posted my ad on CL and I literly got like 50 emails. So naturally there is no way I'm going to be able to communicate with everyone or even respond to everyone. I guess I could make a canned rejection email to those I'm not interested in but I feel like that's rudder than just not writing at all.

So I this week I got emails from 2 different guys getting all pissy that I didn't write them.

Here's the first one:

I send you a response a week ago and you can't send one back? Do you have any luck meeting people that way? What a b**ch.

The 2nd was a little nicer:

Hey, come on. Don't be one of those girls who's really shallow. There's a lot to me and I think you'll like it if you take a chance.

Seriously do these guys think this is going to get them a date! I had to laugh at this. With the first one I felt rather spiteful and sent him this, a friend actually came up with and talked me into doing it.

dude give me a call. 1 900 rejects. If you can't figure it out, I'll be happy to take 4.99 a minute until you do.

Yeah... I know... kinda mean, and normally I would just ignore those kinds of emails but he sorta deserved it and I was having one of those disapointed in men kinds of days. Not a great excuse but whats done is done.

He wrote me back again(which I actually expected):

F*ng typical. You're one of those b**ches who thinks she's so much more than she is. How many times are you going to post your ad dumba**? You're lucky I even responded to your ad. I think I was drunk at the time.

Seriously... some people. And he wonders why I wasn't jumping at the chance to email or go out with him. I'm sure glad I didn't his true colors definitely showed through.

Thought some people might get a laugh out of my experience.




Edited 3/23/2007 1:14 am ET by jfur5

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:42am

Actually, I think it's bad karma to mock a guy the way you did. You don't deserve his rude response but you should understand where it comes from.

Frankly, women don't realize how frustrating it is for men doing OLD. Men can send out a dozen emails and only get one response, or even none.

I'll make a challenge. We can set up a male and a female profile on Match or Yahoo or CL in a big city. We'll pick out a picture of roughly equally-good-looking people, a guy and a gal. We'll send out the same email 20 times for each profile, and see which one gets more responses.

I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that the female profile will get more responses. The guy won't get many at all.

It's just the nature of the beast. Men write and write, and don't hear back, because there's usually so many more guys on a site than women.

Anyway, you shouldn't send them something rude like that back (and absolutely, your 1-900-REJECTS email was terribly rude and bad taste). Even if the guy is a jerk- in that case, all he deserves is to be ignored.

The other question I would have for you is this- in you CL ad, did you promise or even suggest that you would respond to anyone/everyone who wrote to you? Because if you did, and later you don't respond because you got too many emails and it would be "too much work", that just makes you lazy and a liar.

Don't say you'll write back unless you mean it, ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 7:50am

I have a line in my profile that says if you have no picture, it is very unlikely I will respond. I received a message from one guy and after reviewing his profile decided I wasn't interested. He wrote again and I decided to reply and let him know. He must have thought this was a good sign because he then wrote to me at least another 10 times asking me to meet when I was very clear in my message. After three weeks, he quit writing.

I usually just don't respond to those that I know I'm not interested in. If they send a nasty-gram, I delete it and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 8:40am

Frankly, women don't realize how frustrating it is for men doing OLD. Men can send out a dozen emails and only get one response, or even none.


I'm sorry, but I disagree with you here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:03am

Oh Jennifer, Jennifer,

I get all kinds of crap from weirdos.

I was emailing this one guy, for instance, who said he felt uncomfortable meeting in a public place for our first meeting. WTF??? I told him that I would only meet in a public place. He asked what I was up to that night, I said 'going to meet up with some guy pals and check their band out.' He said, 'Oh...Do you have guys you hang out with while you are in a relationship? ' I said (duh) "yeah." He basically told me that that is something he doesn't "tolerate" as that was an issue with 2 of his exes.

I emailed him back, saying that whomever I date would likely be secure enough to deal with me having guy friends, 'cause if not, too freaking bad.

The thing is. he's totally hot. But whatever. I'm not looking to date a control freak. That's the thing, soemtimes I feel like I talk to guys who want to plan our wedding before the first meeting, or the others who flake.

Some middleground would be nice : )

Gal Blondie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:35am

I find that deleting and blocking works well for those types of emails. I just don't believe in sinking to their level.

Edited to add: I meant to ask you this before when you first posted about your CL ad--did you post a picture? It sounded like you might have, but hopefully not--since this guy could do some really mean things with it if he were so inclined.

Sheri




Edited 3/23/2007 10:36 am ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:49am

Yeah, I know it wasn't taking the high road and like I said I usually just ignore emails like that but was having a bad day.

And for the record my CL ad never said I would respond to every email I recieved. I actually said nothing about how I would respond or how many I would respond to. Now if I had, I could understand his frustrations but that still doesn't make it right for him to call me a b*tch.

I honestly don't think what I wrote back was nearly as bad as what he wrote me, maybe it was tasteless, but I didn't result to calling him names and I honestly don't feel that bad about it. Fankly I do think he desreved it.

Oh and I don't agree with you that women get more responses to their emails. I do have a profile on Match and I've sent litterly 50 some emails and I will get one response back. It's just as frustrating for women as it is men. I don't think you truely realize that.

Sure I may have gotten 50 emails to my CL ad, but honestly about 85% of them were married men, people twice my age, spam or people that only bothered to write one sentance ( I can't do much with a one sentance email). I think only about 5-10 of them were worth responding to, which I did. It's unrealistic to think I can keep up with every single email, especially when I never said I would.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:55am

Yeah, I do have my picture up there. I honestly don't get offended that easily so if he feels so inclined to post my picture and do something to it, whatever. I truely don't care.

And as I told hjntiy, I normally would just ignore and block the person but something about that day made me feel like being spiteful. I know thats a dumb reason, but it's already done.

The other guy didn't get an email from me.

When I posted about this on here I expected several of you to flame me for it or disagree. No worries, I still like comming here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:50pm

Definitely don't send a canned response to CL replies. They don't have your email addy unless you reply. If they start getting too persistent or whatever, you can still block THEIR email addy because you have it from their reply.

But yeah, it is tempting (and I've even done it a few times) to reply back with a nasty reply but I don't do it any more. With CL, I am concerned with the repercussions. Someone that is really nasty could post about you on the Rants and Raves or put out nasty messages about you on the ad board. Ignoring is the best policy if you're not interested on CL.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:59pm

Actually, I think I heard about a research study that did something similar. They set up 4 profiles that had almost identical information, interests, etc. One had a picture of an attractive man, another a not so attractive man, one an attractive woman and the final a not so attractive woman. They wanted to see who got the most responses. Obviously the attractive woman was FAR out in front. I think the unattractive woman and attractive man were about the same and the unattractive man was way at the bottom.

But we women get rejected on OLD all the time too. I am doing the free 6 month deal on Match. Part of the deal is you have to initiate or respond to 5 emails a month. I am an attractive woman (not cocky, just true) but I got few emails from guys so had to initiate emails usually to fulfill my quota of 5. Of the 35 or so I have sent out over the 6 months, I got maybe 5 replies. Not great numbers.

And finally, I agree with you on the "don't say it unless you mean it" in a CL ad. One ad I posted, I said, "your pic gets mine". One guy took that very literally. I was not attracted to him AT ALL from his picture so I did not respond to his email. He hounded me with another 2-3 emails before I blocked him saying "You said my pic gets yours. Even if you didn't like mine, you said that you would send your pic. What's the deal??" It was SO annoying! But yes, he had a point. The next CL ad I posted, I said, "Please send a picture and something about yourself and if I like what I see and read, I'll do the same." Got me that little cushion!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:13pm

No, seriously. This is not necessarily about getting "offended" but it could actually get really, really nasty. Someone who is really bitter could take your pic, photoshop it and post it on a porn site, adult site or something else. He's got your email addy now so he can do any of these. I actually had one guy that responded to me on CL that said that he would never send a pic because some woman had done that to him. I said that I was sorry that happened but that I wouldn't meet someone without a pic and he'd probably find that was true with most woman on OLD.

I would never post a pic on a CL ad. I'll send it to someone that replies to me once I get a little bit of a vibe from them, but would not put it ont he ad. Just too creepy to think what someone might do with it.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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