Do YOU ever ghost?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Do YOU ever ghost?
18
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:36pm
I am thinking of "ghosting" someone after a few emails.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:43pm
at first, when i started OLD...i let the guy know - 'sorry ive decided to go with someone else.' or 'i just don't think we'd make a good match'. then, i stopped because they'll get the hint. Only if ive gone out w/ them will I make a pt to tell them. If its just been emailing/phoning, i dont see a reason to tell them you dont wanna see them. Honestly, its fine if a guy doesn't write me back afte rwe've been emailing for awhile. I get that hes interested in somoene else or he just didn't feel it. No harm no foul sort of thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:43pm

Hi Spark,

This is an "up to you" thing. If the man has been nice, then I will send a little email to say that "I have enjoyed our communication, but I do not feel we are a good match, and best of luck to you." Buh-bye.

I have ghosted though....did say that to one, and it did not stick to velcro with him... he Kept writing me and dogging me on the im, too! So, I blocked him and then would not reply to anything else.

I guess I have "phantomed"--not quiiite ghosting...ie, if we went out and I did not really like them very much..i mean, they were okayyyy, but no Chem 101, then I just did not reply to their emails or calls. That was a one date thing, though.

Again, totally up to you, but I can see you are being kind and don't want to hurt his feelers. Don't underestimate that the truth, when kinda softened, is Less painful than not knowing,for some people.

Hope this helps, and I still feel it is up to you, and fine either way You choose to do it.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:48pm

Thanks for asking!

I would never ghost. Even if I wasn't brought up properly, reading messages on this board would prevent me from hurting people's feelings that way.

I would put it simply, that upon reflection you don't think the two of you are a match. Please do not wish them good luck, though, as this is kind of a slap. What I end with is, "please take this as final" so that they know that the issue is not debatable. Then I block them. End of convo, as they say.

Good luck, and I just know you will be kind.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 10:37pm

Hi Sparkle,

I have ghosted a few times, but usually if we have met and I don't think it has any chance, I email them that evening or the next day with a - I enjoyed meeting you last night but do not think we are a good match. Take care and good luck with your search. I don't think the good luck is a slap in the face.

But some people think it is better to just not say anything to them. So do what you feel you should Sparkle.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 10:42pm
I've ghosted from time to time too but generally only if we haven't met. I think once I ghosted after we met, but it was a mutual ghosting. He didn't contact me either - I think it was pretty clear by the end of the meeting that it was not going to go anywhere.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 8:45am
Naw. I come right out and say I don't think we're a good match and end communication. I sent out 4 of those emails this week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 9:23am

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I've had a lot of those. I don't feel guilty about ghosting, because he obviously felt the same way, otherwise he would've contacted me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:58am
Yeah, I almost don't even view that as ghosting. More just kind of a mutual agreement to not pursue anything.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:22pm

>> I don't want to tell him why I want to meet him anymore, he's been nice. How do you handle this?<<

So you're willing to ghost on a jerk, but not on a nice guy? Hmmm... do you think that would work to turn the nice guys into burnt-out jerks? And to reinforce the jerks's ideas about women?

No, you must do the kind-but-difficult thing and just send him a note saying exactly what you think. "Dear so-and-so, you are a very nice guy but I'm just not feeling the flow. We are not a match. I'm sorry but that's how things go sometimes, so I won't be meeting you or writing you. I wish you the best of luck. Signed, sparkle."

I have a couple of those notes to send myself today... sigh.

Oh yeah, and do NOT tell him "I have met someone else and am going to pursue a relationship with him" unless it's true. When women do that but leave their profile up and are actively searching, it really ticks me off- it's such a blatant, obvious lie, and when it's that obvious it doesn't let ANYONE "save face"- it's just a lie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 3:28pm

Hey Vexer - what about a new OLD term -

"Mutual Ghosting" -
definition: After an unsuccessful first meeting, mutual agreement that no additional contact will take place.

Sunshine

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