I'll 'fess up. I ghosted on someone once. Last summer I went on a date. He seemed like a nice guy, we had a few laughs, but I knew it would never lead to anything long term. I thought maybe he'd be good company for a little while, so I agreed to a second date a few weeks later when we could fit it into our schedule.
Well the day of our 2nd date was a yucky yucky day for me. And by the time the date rolled around I was not a happy camper. But I felt bad because I had been putting him off for a while, so I went on the date. He was a nice guy and I was not a nice girl. When he brought me home, there was no mention of a second date so I thought that'd me it.
But then he called me a few times and left messages saying Hi. By the 3rd message, it was "give me a chance." Then I got an email trying to explain the last message. I never returned his calls or answered his email.
I still feel bad about the way I treated him. Perhaps that why I'm such a stickler about answering all emails and winks now.
This was a good idea for a post. Thanks for the "confessional". ;)
I feel the same way about meeting "strangers". I tried out OLD a few years ago and was exchanging e-mail with a man for a few weeks. Something just didn't feel quite right and I decided to stop communicating. He became quite demanding about setting up a meet. I was left with the impression that he was rather controlling. Since then, I like to communicate for a bit before meeting someone. I often find that something comes up that just gives me that feeling that this won't work.
As to your question, I think a short "thanks for the chats but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship" would be fine.
I admit that I do ghost quite a bit. Typically it's very early on - after one or two emails. If I've been talking to someone for a while and it hasn't gotten to a meet, I don't really feel bad about ghosting.
I remember reading in a John Gray book that often men prefer to just not have their calls returned rather than being told why you're not interested in them. He said it's like picking a new house. You don't go back to each homeowner whose house you looked at to tell them you're not interested. If you don't make a bid, it's presumed you're not interested. I feel the same if a guy ghosts on me. Unless we've been dating for a while, I just assume he's not that into me and move on. Of course, if I really liked him, it sucks, but that's life.
Yes. I've ghosted a lot. I've also had a lot of men ghost on me. I don't care. I prefer it that way. But....it depends on what stage of courtship we're in. Up until after the first meeting ghosting is no big deal.
If during the first meeting a guy says he'd like to go out again - and then he ghosts - yes - that irks me a little. If the guy wants to go out again and I don't, the way I handle it depends on what he says. If he says, "Call me if ya wanna hang out sometime," I don't call. If he says, "When can we go out again?" I let him know that I'm not interested.
I agree, early stages it's acceptable to ghost. I wish I could have ghosted from my Not Nice Guy After All guy, but he had seen me naked so I had to kill him. After I sent a nice email, of course, since I am polite.
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Well, it would have to be mutual but UNSPOKEN agreement; otherwise it wouldn't be ghosting!
Sheri
I'll 'fess up. I ghosted on someone once. Last summer I went on a date. He seemed like a nice guy, we had a few laughs, but I knew it would never lead to anything long term. I thought maybe he'd be good company for a little while, so I agreed to a second date a few weeks later when we could fit it into our schedule.
Well the day of our 2nd date was a yucky yucky day for me. And by the time the date rolled around I was not a happy camper. But I felt bad because I had been putting him off for a while, so I went on the date. He was a nice guy and I was not a nice girl. When he brought me home, there was no mention of a second date so I thought that'd me it.
But then he called me a few times and left messages saying Hi. By the 3rd message, it was "give me a chance." Then I got an email trying to explain the last message. I never returned his calls or answered his email.
I still feel bad about the way I treated him. Perhaps that why I'm such a stickler about answering all emails and winks now.
This was a good idea for a post. Thanks for the "confessional". ;)
Hi to all my new friends!
Hi Sparkle,
I feel the same way about meeting "strangers". I tried out OLD a few years ago and was exchanging e-mail with a man for a few weeks. Something just didn't feel quite right and I decided to stop communicating. He became quite demanding about setting up a meet. I was left with the impression that he was rather controlling. Since then, I like to communicate for a bit before meeting someone. I often find that something comes up that just gives me that feeling that this won't work.
As to your question, I think a short "thanks for the chats but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship" would be fine.
I admit that I do ghost quite a bit. Typically it's very early on - after one or two emails. If I've been talking to someone for a while and it hasn't gotten to a meet, I don't really feel bad about ghosting.
I remember reading in a John Gray book that often men prefer to just not have their calls returned rather than being told why you're not interested in them. He said it's like picking a new house. You don't go back to each homeowner whose house you looked at to tell them you're not interested. If you don't make a bid, it's presumed you're not interested. I feel the same if a guy ghosts on me. Unless we've been dating for a while, I just assume he's not that into me and move on. Of course, if I really liked him, it sucks, but that's life.
Yes. I've ghosted a lot. I've also had a lot of men ghost on me. I don't care. I prefer it that way. But....it depends on what stage of courtship we're in. Up until after the first meeting ghosting is no big deal.
If during the first meeting a guy says he'd like to go out again - and then he ghosts - yes - that irks me a little. If the guy wants to go out again and I don't, the way I handle it depends on what he says. If he says, "Call me if ya wanna hang out sometime," I don't call. If he says, "When can we go out again?" I let him know that I'm not interested.
I agree, early stages it's acceptable to ghost. I wish I could have ghosted from my Not Nice Guy After All guy, but he had seen me naked so I had to kill him. After I sent a nice email, of course, since I am polite.
amjay
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