Do you ever initiate contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Do you ever initiate contact?
7
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 8:46am
I was wondering, when you spot someone who interests you on an online dating site, do you ever initiate contact? Or do you always wait for men to initiate contact with you? Do you wink, IM or send an introductory email? When you initiate contact, do the men respond? Do you feel that it changes the dynamics of the dating relationship? I'm just curious to hear about your experiences.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 9:17am
Hi jhoover,

Absolutely! I frequently initiate contact, usually with a brief intro email (I recently tried the winks too, but I think I prefer a short email). I've had pretty good luck with guys I've written to responding - not all write back, but a lot do and are flattered that I wrote to them. Actually, I think I have met men more suited to me when I initiate contact than when I just wait for guys to write to me. So many of the guys who write to me are not who I'm looking for - they smoke, live far away from me, don't want kids, etc. I don't think it changes the dating dynamics, b/c after the intro email, I let the guy do the pursuing - he asks to talk on the phone, he asks me out, etc.

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:05am
Hi Ginger,

This is my second time around with online dating. Last yr, I contacted several men. Only one ever replied. We did have one date and then he sent an email saying he's not interested in a relationship right now.

This time around, I haven't initiated contact with anyone but most of the men who contact me do not interest me at all. In the 5 months I've been using the site I've gone out with only one guy (the one I was seeing for 2 1/2 months). So I have been thinking that maybe I should take the plunge and get the ball rolling.

As a side note - just this morning I looked at a profile posted by a 27 yr old - still a little young for me but at least he's not 22 like some guys who have been contacting me. Actually, he's looking for a friend and not a relationship. His essays put a smile on my face and his job involves working with kids, which is a huge plus in my books. Just thinking about it...making a new friend...why not?

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:35am
Hi jhoover,

I definitely recommend taking things into your own hands - what do you have to lose? It only takes a few minutes, and maybe something will come of it. Same thing with the 27 year old - what do you have to lose by writing to him? Always great to make a new friend, esp one who makes you smile. I say go for it! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 2:15pm
Yes, I've initiated contact with good results. I tried the winks/icebreakers at first but didn't seem to get anywhere (don't really know why other than it turns people off), but if I have my eye on someone, I'll send a brief intro email and that has worked well. Some guys have responded how flattered they are to receive a response because they are always pursuing women. Does it change the dynamics? It could, but at this point, I don't worry about it. I mean, I am not asking him out or even asking for a number. A brief hello is complimentary and you have nothing to lose!

Oh, I will say that I had my eye on this really cute guy on lavalife and I waited too long and never contacted him and now his profile is down and I'll never get the opportunity to meet him! All because I hesitated in joining that service (yeah, I waited almost 2 months!!!!) and looking back, a simple hello email might have started a nice relationship. So, if someone catches my eye, I'm saying hello.

summer

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 3:12pm
Actually, as I think about it, most of the men I've dated for several months from online were contacted by me, originally (4 of 5). However, aside from me making the original contact, they did the rest of the pursuing.

I have been sending winks lately to guys I'm interested in since that feature was introduced, but I haven't had great success with it (have only had dates with 2 out of the 30 plus guys I've winked at), but I'm not sure if an email would work any better (if they wouldn't respond to a wink, why would they respond to an email? is my thinking). I may have to rethink that though.

Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 4:17pm
You made me rethink how I really feel when I receive those winks. At first I liked them and responded back but there was little follow up from the men so I ceased to send them. Later on, as I kept seeing all these winks instead of emails, I started to think the small amount of time it takes to send them versus writing an email and stopped responding and just ignored them. I thought if a man was really interested in me, he would write and not wink! Hmmm, now I can see it from both sides--if you wink and don't get a wink back you assume the person is not interested, which may not be correct. Maybe that person doesn't like winks or IM and perfers a sincere email. Good food for thought, thanks.

summer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:15am
I do initiate contact with a brief email "If my profile intrigues you, feel free to respond to me here or at ." I do not think it has anything to do with pursuing a man in normal dating practices.