Do you ever start to wonder....
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Do you ever start to wonder....
| Sun, 05-01-2005 - 2:08pm |
Have any of you ever reached the point where you really really start to wonder...."What's wrong with me?"
I think I'm attractive. I think I'm intelligent, interesting, kind-hearted and good company. But

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It hasn't been that many years ago since EVERYBODY was married. Men and women alike paid whatever price it took, and they latched onto someone of the opposite sex and got married. Good grief, when I was in high school, I think I must have been the shyest person in the universe, plus I was scared to death of boys (although fascinated by them), and yet it NEVER occurred to me that I had any other choice in life but to somehow find a male and get married as soon as possible after college.
As all of you know, all that has now changed. Divorces (even among couples in their 50's and up) are piling up so fast that statistics can hardly keep up with them. And it seems to me now that very few younger people really think that marriage is their only (or even their main) option in life. This whole idea of getting together with a man/woman of your choice because you want to build a good, compatible relationship with that person is really new. And it has changed the whole basis of marriage and long-term-relationships. The whole idea of male/female relationships is no longer based on the male earning money and having a support person at home in exchange for the female having a roof over her head and a place to raise the children.
It's almost like an earthquake has struck the institution of marriage, and I personally think male/female relationships are in a total state of flux at this time. And who knows when/if the whole situation will settle down. This state of affairs naturally makes it difficult for us living at this time and trying to establish new stable and happy relationships. Online dating has made this unstable situation both better and worse. OLD makes the situation worse because it encourages men and women alike (I suspect it affects more men this way than women though) to think, "Well, I've got hundreds (or even thousands) of women(men) to choose from, therefore, I can afford to be picky, picky, picky." And yet OLD has also helped the dating situation in that it allows people all over the world to have many more choices than before.
Now, for those of you who have managed to get this far in my message, let me finally say that I certainly don't have any solutions to all the frustrations and feelings of rejection, etc. that rain down upon the good people involved in OLD. But I do want to close by saying two positive things.
1. As you on this board already know, it is a great help to be able to communicate with people in the same situation as you (i.e. those on this message board).
2. The fact that you are now living alone and are able to make fairly decent lives for yourselves is really positive in itself. Never before have people (especially women) been able to do this--live comfortably alone. Lastly, I have known so many women of my generation who were totally unable to put together a life for themselves without a man. I have known women who would put up with almost anything just to have a man to live with. So the fact that you are able to make decent, comfortable lives for yourselves that include a certain amount of contentment is GOOD. It may not be the ideal situation that you want for yourselves in the years to come, but in my opinion, it is a sign that our society has come a long way. An old lady tea drinker
JH, I know this is kind of a zen concept...but if they aren't calling you, they are simply not right for you.
It's not that you did or said anything "wrong"...because a guy who's right for you will think whatever you say or do is peachy keen!
Now, it may be that because you're on the introverted side (from what you've said) and because you are sure you want to date a Jewish man, your pool is going to be smaller than the average bear's (as mine is for the factors I listed previously). So you're not going to meet someone who's right for you as often as some other people would. But that's ok...there is still the possibility that meeting a guy who's right for you is just around the corner.
Sheri
I have felt this way many, many times even though I know its irrational to feel this way. I am an intelligent, caring woman with a great job, lots of great friends, funny, warm and although I am no beauty queen - I am really just being realistic with that statement - I am not unattractive to the opposite sex either. There are many times since I ventured back into the dating world a year and a half ago that I think what the heck is wrong with me anyway. I think most people experience these feelings at times - I think its normal (esp. when you have had quite a stretch of bad luck).
I am back in again - weeded through my last 3 potentials that I had been writing - two meets didn't go well and the third meet went onto two more dates but I was the one to write that one off - absolutely no chemistry for me. I am now in the process of working on 3 more potentials (I keep it to 3 at a time since the writing-to chatting on-line-to phone calls-to first meet process generally only takes 2-3 weeks). I am particularly hopefull with one of them as we had our first meet today (he was a major babe...and I found myself thinking "what on earth could he see in me anyway" - as I said - I'm no beauty queen - average, pretty I guess but nothing to write home about and he was really good looking (probably the best looking meet out of all my OLD meets to date).
In all of my past relationships I have seemed to attract two types of men - addicts-3 of them (gambling, spending, alcohol) and womanizers-2 of them. I am really struggling to break out of this pattern and figure out why this is what I have attracted since I was 16 years old and question what is wrong with me that I keep attracting this type of man.
Anyway, there I go off on my whine/tangent. But you aren't alone in how you feel.
momof2
Although I'm certainly not happy that you all are in this situation, it's good to finally feel I'm not alone. I see people out there have it so easy when it comes to relationships and it breaks my heart. I'm 44 and have never had a long-term relationship. I think I'm a very nice, normal person and not at all ugly. I was shy for a long time and didn't pursue a relationship, but I get TONS, and I mean TONS of people viewing my profile multiple times but hardly any winks or emails. It is so frustrating and is affecting my self esteem
Today a very, very nice man emailed me. We emailed back and forth 3x and then he called me. He wants to meet me. This man has the sweetest personality and we share many interests. I have a good feeling about him........he's seems to be my favorite so far. I am trying not to get my hopes up ....it is so hard.
Yes, I know the right thing to do, but after emailing 30 or so men in the last 2 months....this one is the one I have the most interest in.....
I know.....I'm doing my best....:)
JH, and everyone, YES, I have often wondered this!
Too bad you couldn’t do a mock date and have a good male friend tap in and give you his HONEST response to your date. They did a Dr. Phil (evening show) several months ago where this woman was in her mid 30’s, successful, pretty, home owner and the first date she acted bored (probably fear) and not that interested, no smiles etc.
JH-
As I have gotten to know you through this board, I have asked myself the same about you? You present yourself to be everything you describe in your post on this thread. I have seen your picture and you are very beautiful.
I have wondered if something traumatic has happened to you in your childhood? I sense you are a very private person and do not expect you to answer that.
However, as I said I have wondered. If so, then possibly....somehow..this has transpired into who you are. That as much as you want to be in a relationship, one may give the signals that you are very guarded...and simply may not be emotionally available.
I could be wrong...just sharing a thought.
Your friend...
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
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