Do you reply to people who just say hi?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Do you reply to people who just say hi?
6
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:14pm

I have had a profile on an OLD site for a few weeks but I really never check the site & kind of forgot about it. Everyone says don't contact guys first (which I don't really agree with) so I haven't even bothered to look that much at the profiles. Plus I don't have a really good picture. I figure I'll put more time into it after I get a better picture.

So I was surprised to get an email today, but all it says it "hi." I find that really annoying, like the person didn't even have time to read your profile & write 2 sentences that showed that he actually noticed you instead of saying hi to every woman in his age group. His profile actually is ok but 2 other things bothered me 1) he didn't have a picture and 2) he is of a different race and I would prefer to date people of my race--there is a big enough choice there. I do feel rude just ignoring him. I feel if I say it's due to his race then I sound like a bigot, which I'm not.

Plus what do you do if someone doesn't have a picture? I remember the time about 10 yrs ago when I didn't post a picture on line (a lot of people didn't then ) but I had some pictures I could send. It made me feel much worse if someone asked for a picture and then said "never mind" after I sent it. How do you get around that one?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:52pm

Oh, it's just so awkward, isn't it?

My policy is: if I'm not interested, no reply. If I contacted someone and they didn't reply, I would assume they were not interested. No need to rub it in. Plus, when I wrote a "Thanks but no thanks" email, I would sometimes get nasty replies.

It does show the height of laziness when a person contacts you and all they say is "Hi." It just gives you nothing to go on. However, if you are at all interested, you could just say "Hi" back, matching him. Then see what happens.

As to no photo: In general, that's not a good sign. If you do really want to see what he looks like, you could very sweetly write something like, "Now, in all fairness, you have see my photo--it's only fair that I get to see yours." I don't know what site you're on, but I know on Match, there's not really a way someone can send you a photo unless they have your real email. If you want to proceed, you can set up a Gmail account without any of your real info. I've heard of men, when asked for a photo, claim they "don't know how" to post one to the site. Please. There are tutorials and you can even call the site and they'll walk you through it.

I was contacted over a year ago by a guy who didn't have a photo posted, and I asked him to send me one, and he was cute! He just hadn't had a chance to get one posted. I did end up meeting him, but he never asked me out. :(

I did ask for another guy's photo once, but frankly, I didn't like what I saw, plus I wasn't too interested to begin with. I never wrote back. Horrible karma, I know.

All you can do is grow a thick(er) skin with OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 8:01am

I haven't been active on an OLD site for awhile, but when I was I got that kind of thing all the time. Many of them were from guys that were way too young. I think a lot of guys just go thru the profiles and do that to everyone that they find cute or interesting. Doesn't probably mean anything.


I would just ignore them unless they sent something else later on. A couple of times I did find the person cute or interesting and would send a hi back. Thought if they were shy this would make it easier. If they didn't reply to it I didn't do anything else.


I would always post a pic of myself and say in my profile that I didn't reply to people without pics. I've heard the story how they don't know how to post their pic, but can attach one with email. I don't buy that! I don't give out my regular email untill I've talked with someone for awhile.


I wouldn't say anything to the guy of a different race unless he contacts you again with more then a one word message.


Hope some of this helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:37pm

I think it's fine to contact guys first.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:08am

Thanks for the advice--I decided not to answer him because although he sounded normal in his profile, there also wasn't anything that really jumped out at me either. There was one funny thing. He had a list of "things I won't do on the first date" which included "go to your house, have sex"--I thought that was cool, but he also said "swimming." What? I almost want to ask was he totally against swimming (since I live near the beach) or just on the first date--maybe he felt that he didn't want to ogle women in their bathing suits.

As far as the picture, he described himself as good looking--yeah, if you're so good looking, wouldn't you want to put your pic up there for everyone to see and get more dates? I would think so. And that "porn site" comment--since when do they put pics of people who are fully clothed, or more likely just a head shot, on porn sites?

As far as being the first to contact, right now I'm not too seriously looking. I think that when I decide I'd really like to try to find someone, I'll have to do some contacting first. I noticed on POF, which is what I'm on right now, that when you do a search, they list people who are on the site now/recently first, compared to people who haven't checked in lately. So I would suppose that you want to keep yourself at the top of the list, so people won't get bored and never get to you (I live near a big city so there are a lot of profiles to wade through). Otherwise, I can't really see the point of reading through a lot of profiles, just sitting around waiting for people to contact you--why even read them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 1:11am

I would have to really like the look of the guy's photo to reply back to just a "hi".

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 3:52pm
I always respond back regardless...only because I know how frustrating it is to send a message and get zero response. I treat them the way I want to be treated....I appreciate someone responding that they don't think it's a match rather than being ignore. There is a certain amount of etiquette involved here. We have to remember that there is always a human being on the other end.