do you tell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
do you tell?
7
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 7:13am
I have been talking to three different guys on line. I have been out with two of them, do they have to know about each other? And what I mean is, if they happen to ask- "Are you dating anyone else from on-line?" do I lie and say no? Or how do I let them know that I am interested in dating them, but I am keeping my options open? Does that make sense? B/c I know if I asked a guy if he was dating others and he said yes, I would kind of feel like I was standing in line.... I don't know if that would affect any future dates or not. What is your experience?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 7:33am

It's a don't ask don't tell policy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 7:57am
Another double standard. They can chat/date multiple women and that's OK, but they don't want to think the women are chatting/seeing others. (fear of future rejection?) That's why so many guys disappear, because they have others waiting it's no big deal.
Personally, I don't date but one person at a time. It's all I can handle. If I were I would tell my date, "I am not seriously (exclusively) dating anyone, I have met some nice people online but,I am still looking for that one person that I am really compatible with."
I start all meets/dates with "Hey, I'd like to start off as friends first. I'd like to see if we get along." No kissing/touching. This way if the guy thinks that I am seeing others I'd be the same way with them.
And I heard this from a few guys I met as well. "If there are getting too cozy on the first few dates It makes me wonder if she gets that cozy with other guys and that's a huge turnoff."
So, I think alot is at stake on the first 3 dates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 8:11am
Tell the truth if they ask. Always the best policy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:48am

That is a really good question and it's happened to all of us. I personally hate it when guys ask because be damned if you do an damned if you don't. I have said yes when put on the spot but I'd rather they just enjoy getting to know me and when the moment is there and we want more then we can say ok, now we're not dating other people. I just assume everyone is keeping their options open until you have the exclusive talk. I think it shows maturity and class when they don't ask --- why open a can of worms.

Here's a story -- last Sat I met this man out, really great full of life personality. As soon as i got to the restaurant I was like "no, not for me" I wasn't physically attracted to him BUT I did enjoy his personality a lot. We ended having a 4 hour dinner and I wanted so much for the attraction to be there. I was thinking I'll give it more date to see and he asked at the end of the date if I wanted to see him again as he wanted to see me and I said I had a nice time but needed to digest everything. I emailed him and said we could do a second date and was honest that I wasn't sure if their was a romantic spark but he was such a quality person I think it would be worth exploring. We talked during the week and he told me his ex fiance, he went to see her Sunday (keep in mind, he asked to see me at the beach Sunday but I said no as I already had commitments with friends) so he said to her "lets elope" lets just do it (she broke it off 3 months ago because she has some big trust fund and for whatever reasons they couldn't come to an agreement and he wouldn't sign) and she said NO, I can't. Then he proceeds to tell me when he gets back in town (he's currently away on biz) he has a meeting and then is going away to Cabo for 5 days with a lady friend. He then said it was this chick he was dating (that he told me about on our date that he wasn't attracted too and ended it) because he wants to relax and wants a companion. OK, I believe in honesty but c'mon TOO MUCH INFORMATION - that made my decision for date two easy, NO WAY and NO HOW the guy is messed up if he's still pawning away after his ex and vacationing with some woman he's not into because he has nothing better going on. I went to Hawaii by myself with no one - I think this man can't be alone or something but the moral is you don't need to come out and say you're dating A, B and C - why not just say yes I'm dating or side step the question as it's none of their concern. In this case had I actually really liked the guy I'd be picturing them doing the deed all weekend on the beach and then he wants to take me out when he returns, YUCK, ha! :-)

Welcome to old my darling-you too will have some interesting stories to tell I'm sure. However I have met some wonderuful normal men as well.

Cheers
SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:52am
I would love to hear about the normal ones......
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 12:25pm

SP:

I had a "what were they thinkin'-too much info" experience this week myself...so as I bang my head on my desk...i'll add a few for you (ouch).
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: kae_n_me
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 12:35pm

Ha, ha. Thanks Lizzie (you better stock up on the Tylenol)- that's the great thing about this board is sharing our experiences as sometimes you run across one and you're like "oh that happened to me this week or last year".....

Have a good weekend!

SP