Do you tell someone about dates?

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do you tell someone about dates?
9
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:41pm

Ok, I have to admit that even at 42 I'm still something of a klutz when it comes to dating etiquette. I've never dated as much as I have in the past two weeks. On April 5 I posted a profile and a week later another one. I've been getting a lot of responses and a lot of invitations. A couple of times I've been out on a date with someone and they asked what I did over the weekend or the night before or whatever. Is it tacky to say, "I went on a date"? What do you think? Is it ok to say, "I've been meeting a lot of interesting men"?

I think it's basically ok because anyone who is doing OLD and enjoying it is going to be dating a lot, right? But is it better to say, "I went out with a friend"? I realize this is a minor point but I don't want to sound like an idiot if there's some etiquette about letting guys know that I am going on a lot of other dates. This issue has never come up for me before which is why I'm asking. Thanks for your patience with me.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:49pm

I think it's VERY tacky, personally. I just say what I did (e.g., saw a play, had dinner, whatever) without reference to who I did it with. I always *assume* we're both dating other people, until we specifically agree to be exclusive, but I don't want to have it rubbed in my face (or rub it in theirs)! "Don't ask, don't tell" is my policy ;-).

And IMO, it's only ok to say "I'm meeting lots of interesting men" if they ask you "how has your online dating experience been" or something specific like that.

Sheri

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:57pm
Thanks, Sheri. You generally give the best advice, so if you say it's tacky, I believe it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 7:43pm

I would only talk about other dates if someone were to ask. I have found that most of the women that I have dated from OLD talk quite a bit about other dates they have been on, but I usually find it pretty interesting. I've heard a lot of stories about the crazy stuff guys will do or say. For example, one girl told me that a guy asked her if she would do some nude modeling for him. It was the first date! He said he was really into photography and thought she would be a great model.

However, the other side of that can be a bad thing. I had another girl tell me about a guy that had ghosted on her after several months of dating, and how he was her "dream guy" and all his wonderful qualities. She was still obviously hung-up on him. It made me feel like I had a lot to live up to, and if I didn't it would be "next!" for me.

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:48pm

Hi ImDe,

Cupcake's Rule of Southern Female Etiquette # 265: "Nevah, Evah evoke the face of another woman, to a man you are interested in". ie, I avoided talking about other women and other dates. Often, when we did begin to chat about OLD, it became a 'pal only' kinda feeling in the room. No Chem 101. If you speak about women he has dated, ex wives, etc, invariably, the face of that woman will come up in his mind's eye, and that is where You belong!

Now, sensible behaviour says that at some point, there will be chat about an ex, other dates, etc. I will listen, nod my head and try to move the subject along. Never did really care for those "Dates Gone Wild" stories from men; at 49, I Know there are some outrageous humanoids out there!

Tall Man and I progressed quickly through that stage and I am glad. I smiled and was sweet. An exception to this rule might be that a man's ex-wife is often the only point of refernce he has at the moment, per relationships. TM actually apologized for bringing up his ex and referring to her, when he would point out things that I do that he Loves, that are qualities she did not posess. I said that was what he "knew" so I felt it was no problem..and reference to her has subsided as days go by. Often, things these folks have done loco Can serve to make You look good--you are not the one jumping up on the bar to dance provocatively, powered by tequila, on your first date with him...ah yesss..."tequila: some brain cells die, and the rest go to the funeral!" (Cupcake-ism of the day!)

Welcome to the board too, this is the Best place to find support, caring and empathy, in OLD Land!!!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:38am

Welcome to the board. No I wouldn't tell your present date about going out with other guys. I would say what I had been doing, but not specifically with whom.

I dated a lot at first, when I first started doing OLD, but that is when you are fresh meat, a new face, and there is much more interest in you. Enjoy it, but be careful, because there are many guys who are great at lieing out there. Don't believe everything they tell you. Use your good judgement and trust your intuition.

I wish you much luck with your dating and hope you find a great guy. I hope you continue to stay with the board as they're great people and have much knowledge on OLD.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:00pm
What would you do if he asked?

 

http://tickers.ticke

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:10pm

I think it's kind of interesting too, but I'm not sure it's such a great idea on the first date, when you're really supposed to be getting to know the other person. On the other hand, sometimes participating in OLD may be the only thing a couple has in common, so in a way, I don't necessarily see it as bad to talk about it (the more I think about it). (Although I suppose you might wonder why two people are seeing each other in the first place if the only thing they have in common is OLD, but that's another issue entirely.)

Also, I think you can learn a lot about a person from their dating stories as well as attitudes. What do you think about that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:10pm

>>Is it tacky to say, "I went on a date"?<<

Absolutely. You don't owe them an answer to account for your time; you just say "oh, a bit of this and a bit of that". If you saw a neato movie or show or something on a date, you could say that, but to say "I had a date" is rude.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:14pm

Thanks for your response, cupcake. I don't think I actually made myself too clear when I asked the question though. And the more I think about it, I think it was a pretty dumb question to ask ... I wasn't specifically asking about talking about dates or describing them or anything ... I was just wondering if it was ok, if a guy asked how my weekend had gone, to answer, something like "it was fun. i went on a few interesting dates." Sheri thinks this is tacky, and it sounds like some of you agree.

I'm not talking about any kind of detail though, where, who or what ... what Sheri is suggesting is to say, I went to dinner, went to a play, etc. without any mention of having done these things with another person. That would feel a bit awkward to me and more coy than I think I can pull off.

But I suppose next time a guy asks what I did over the weekend, I can just say, I had some fun, saw people, did things ...

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:17pm

Ok, thanks for your insight ... I like your suggestion of "a little bit of this, a little bit of that ... " I had the feeling saying I had some dates might not be too good, but I still don't know why exactly. Why do you consider it rude? I mean it's not like we're all not dating, we're all dating right?

Also, I'm not sure that asking someone how their weekend was, or asking what they did is asking them to account for time. I think it's just a natural conversation starter.