Do you tell them...
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Do you tell them...
| Thu, 02-24-2005 - 7:44pm |
that you are still looking?
It has come up in the past for me where guys are overly curious to know whether or not they are the only prospect I am pursuing. How would you guys handle this?
Thanks in advance,
GM

If they ask outright, then yes, I tell them I'm dating other people.
If they don't ask, though, I don't tell!
Sheri
Maybe I'm just on a faster track than most?...
Just like we generally agree it should only take a few emails to determine if you want to meet someone, it only takes me a few dates to know if I want to continue seeing someone, and maybe a few more to know if I want to date them exclusively and really see what develops. But then, the whole point for me is that I want a LTR, and I don't have much time for dating (like once, MAYBE twice a week) so I prefer to devote my little available time to one worthy person at a time.
I look at it kind of like saving for retirement while you're working, cause you know, you don't want to have to work for the rest of your life?... I'm dating so that eventually I won't HAVE to date anymore! Cause let's face it, dating sucks!! All this constantly starting over, the whole uncertainty & game playing that goes with it, I say bah to that.
But I'm curious what others have to say about it. This could definitely be interesting and/or educational. :)
I don't think you answered the question ;-).
What if the guy asks you on the first date whether you're dating other people?
Sheri
Touche. ;)
On a FIRST date I might say I'm keeping my options open... and then shoot off a "nice meeting you but..." email. I think someone who asks that on a FIRST date has issues.
If it was someone I've seen a few times and would like to continue, I'd be open to discussion & expect him to answer the question too.
I agree!
Anyone who asks me if I'm dating other people on a first date has big issues and that's not a project I want to take on.
I did go on 1 date with a guy who would always ask me how many guys were IMing me. At first I thought it was his waying of flirting. WRONG. On our date, I heard 4 stories about him and his girlfriend and their families. This guy was not ready to date!
I'm curious what would happen if she answered "Why do want to know?".
Hi GM,
I 'Texas Two-Step' that one and say "I do not accept that many invitations.' That confuses them and they move on in the conversation. If pressed further, I will say that I am dating others 'at this time'. Like the others, I think that this is common knowledge per OLD that you are out there dating maybe many at once. Again, as the others here said.,WHY do you need to know? I also will NOT discuss how many 'hits' I have on the little tab board on my profile--private info and not to be discussed with a man I am on a date with! I do not ask questions or often answer them, for that matter, that I do not intend to address myself!
Also, this question can be a "silicone statement" as I call it...intended to speed things ahead intimacy-wise, and get the man where we he wants to Be--in your bed! They will follow and say they are Not dating others, you fit the bill and you are to feel "special".
Here in Texas, "Special" may mean that there are farm animals included in your family tree!!
Truly,
Cupcake
>>How would you guys handle this?<<
I would suggest using the truth. The neat thing about the truth is that it's hard to screw up.
Does this mean you should offer up the truth without being asked? No. It just means that if you're asked, you should tell the truth.
If you're seeing someone else, say so. If you're open to seeing someone else (ie, you don't want this guy thinking you're putting all your eggs into his basket), say so.
It doesn't have to be in detail, or give any numbers, or specify WHO you're seeing; those are private things. If he presses, you say "I wouldn't tell someone else that kind of thing about you."
But the truth is by far the best notion. If a gal were to ask me "am I the only prospect you're pursuing?" (which, come to think of it, my most recent first-meeting did more or less ask) then I'll tell her the truth.
I said something along the lines of "well, I only typically puruse a date with a couple gals at once; I prefer to settle in with just one, I'm not a date-a-bunch guy; but nothing so far has been serious enough to be mutually exclusive or anything like that." And I think I added that I only send email to one or two at a time, and wait to see what happens, instead of shotgunning to everyone I think is halfway cute.
I think it compliments her, because she knows that I took the time to read her profile and focussed on her; I think it's easy to remember, because it's true; and I think it's honest without going into great detail about who else or exactly how many else I might be seeing, but it does give the general idea.