Do you think we sometimes forget..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Do you think we sometimes forget..
10
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 3:56pm

Do you think we sometimes forget that dating is supposed to be fun?

With all the drama that comes with dating in general, especially OLD, do you think its possible to focus on the fun?

What do you guys think?

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 4:05pm
I do agree that we sometimes forget that dating is supposed to be fun. I know that I get that way. We take things too seriously sometimes. Always having to know what is around the corner so to speak. If old drama didn't exist anymore, it would be more easy to have fun. But, think about it, the past is what makes us who we are. It's what we do after it that makes or breaks us. It can't be forgotten, but should not affect us. Dating is stressfull. Especially when you get really strong feelings for the other person. Because in your mind you ask so many questions and run over so many possiblities. But I always tell my self it's all good and go with the flow. I think everyone should do more of that! It might help and make it more fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 4:22pm
I agree; I think we’re looking into a database with future husband prospects when it shouldn’t be like that. The old fashioned way you meet someone and go on a feeling or spark then you get to know them. So instead try to have some fun; being serious to early on can sabotage something great – you never know.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 4:36pm

Hi SP,

I only say this because we spend so much time and energy dissecting a picture, an email, an IM, before we actually even get into the real world to meet a person. When I first started doing OLD I did the same thing, we all do it. Then I changed my attitude, I started realizing that even if I don't meet someone I want to date, I could still end up with a friend. To be honest at least 4 guys that I am friends with now I met via OLD. Yeah the spark wasn't there, but we still had things in common to base a friendship on. I am not saying I figured out how to have fun all the time, but I think I stopped putting so much importance on just "meeting" someone.
Thats all it is.. is a meet. An opportunity to meet someone new that you may or may not have chemistry with. All these roadblocks we create just overcomplicate things, sap the fun out of dating, and give us time to build things up so we get hurt if they don't work out.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 4:41pm

For me, dating has rarely been fun even in the days before OLD. I don't like the awkwardness of early dates, I don't like the feeling of being judged and having some guy's opinion of me matter that much. I'm much more comfortable in relationships.

I agree that taking so much of the importance of these first meets takes a lot of the pressure off. If you go into it with the attitude that at worst, you spend an hour or two with someone you never care to see again and it's only a couple hours of your life, no big deal. It is not a life or death situation and your whole life doesn't need to depend on it.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:01pm

I have to say, that's one of those sayings I've never understood. What's so "fun" about dating???

There are alot of other things I'd rather do for "fun" than date!!!!

Meeting strangers, doing small talk...that's not particularly "fun" for me, as a rule. Sometimes I do *have* fun, thankfully, but I don't find the dating process to BE fun, in general.

But it is necessary, so I do it.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:09pm

I agree with this approach. It's never going to be "fun", IMO, but you can make it less stressful by having an "it's just coffee" attitude.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:10pm

Ok let me try this one..

Well a date is typically two people who have some sort of interest in each other doing an activity. There is the excitement of attraction, that nervous energy doesn't have to be a "bad" thing. People usually try to find an activity that is "fun" to do on a date. Finding common ground with a stranger is usually fun. I really don't think dating should be thought of as a necessary evil, I mean people don't purposely come up with boring things to do on a date, right?
Why go on dates at all if you are expecting NOT to have any fun?




Edited 11/7/2005 5:11 pm ET by gal_moonlight
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:20pm

I'm with Sheri. No, you don't go into it expecting to NOT have fun, but the dating process in itself is often uncomfortable, tiring and not fun. Yes, I can have fun on a date as well as a first meet. However, the process of uncomfortable conversations, small talk, coming up with things to talk about, guys with long toenails and all that is not fun (for me anyway). Yes, the activity you come up with should be something enjoyable but that doesn't make the dating process a fun activity.

For me, finding common ground with a stranger is uncomfortable and awkward. I am not an outgoing person by nature and situations like that are not my bag. To each his own, but early dating is not fun for all of us.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:21pm

Why? Because I want to be in a relationship and the only way to get there is to date.

It's not that I'm *expecting* not to have any fun...it's that the process, for me at least, is stressful. If I have fun, great, that's a nice cherry on the sundae. But for me, meeting a stranger in a dating situation is uncomfortable at first, no matter what we are doing (in fact, I find doing activities to be even MORE stressful, since there's more occasion to be judged negatively if you don't do the activity well or don't dress right--I got criticized this summer by one guy for wearing clothes that were too casual, for example, when we met for a walk!!!). There's just no escaping that awkwardness, although I'm practiced enough at it that most people don't realize how uncomfortable I am at first.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 5:13am

>What's so "fun" about dating???

I agree. Go out with friends if you want to have fun. Unless you can completely suppress your emotions you won’t have “fun” doing anything where you have an attachment to the outcome. I compare it to gambling. You can have “fun” if you enjoy losing but it wont be fun if all you ever seem to do is lose. There will be a time where you hope, wish or pray that you win. You can keep dating and making new friends but there will be a point where you want something romantic to happen. It's at this point when making new "friends" begins to lose it's appeal and ceases to be fun.