Does anyone understand this?
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Does anyone understand this?
| Sun, 02-12-2006 - 6:28pm |
You have a great first meet. Conversation flows. You don't want the evening to end. Kissing is great. And then you don't hear from him again? Why is that? This has happened to me more than I can count. What am I doing wrong?

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It could be any number of things:
a. He got scared
b. He's a player
c. He changed his mind
then again....
d. He came to his senses and realized he wasn't good enough for you :)
LOL! I wish!
Last night's date has now hidden his profile or taken it down. Now I totally feel like pond scum.
There is a delicate balance on a first meet in order to sustain or create interest. My rules are as such:
1. No alcoholic beverages (safety and clear head)
2. Daytime only (safety)
3. Limited duration (date will need to ask for follow-up date)
4. Do more question asking than answering
5. No smooching
6. No negativity (you can talk about your childhood at a later time)
7. No discussing past relationships (again, more time for that later)
8. Discussion should be kept light and upbeat, you are a positive person and need to convey that.
Mind you, these are just my general rules, they don't apply to everyone but they have worked well for me in the past.
This stuff happens all the time. It doesn't excuse it, but it does. I definitely agree with chamey's "rules" in general. On a first meet with an OLD guy, I don't know him from a serial killer on the street so I play it as safe as possible.
Also IMO, if the guy doesn't line up the second date while still on the first (or at least suggest a second date), then he's not really interested. This guy could still come back - it's only been two days, but if I were you, I'd count on it to be because he hasn't found anyone more interesting. Not an insult to you by any means, but it sounds like maybe he was on the fence anyway. He got some smooches and figured he'd keep you on the back burner.
If I were you, move on and be careful the next time. I usually view that first meet as more an "interview" or meeting to see if we get along. If we do, we move to a real date. That way, I am not emotionally invested in anything and don't take it personally.
That's a tough one to put myself in since I AM looking for a relationship. However, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of situations like this if that's what you're looking for. Did you tell him up front you weren't looking for something serious? If so, I bet he viewed this as casual and didn't see the need to call you back since you are not looking for that from him. You're walking a fine line here - you're expecting a guy to act like he would if you're looking for a relationship, and yet you're not looking for one. Guys are not going to get emotionally invested and play by the "dating rules" if it's not going to turn into a relationship. So this guy could still call you. He knows it's not going anywhere so he doesn't have to do the "correct" thing by asking for the second date on the first or by calling right away.
Sounds like he is treating it casually or maybe he just wasn't interested in pursuing it past a few kisses and a nice first date when he knew that you were not into something more than casual. He could have decided he didn't want to risk getting attached if you were not going to be around.
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