Does anyone understand this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Does anyone understand this?
18
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 6:28pm
You have a great first meet. Conversation flows. You don't want the evening to end. Kissing is great. And then you don't hear from him again? Why is that? This has happened to me more than I can count. What am I doing wrong?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 1:02pm

True, but I bet you freaked him out with the text, voicemail and email. WAY overkill. One would have been more than enough. If you hadn't heard back from the one, drop it.

And this type of vanishing (fondly called "ghosting" on this board) is very common early on. Some people view it as rude while others view it as that it's OK since you're not involved. I don't necessarily LIKE it when they blow me off, but I'm also not a big fan of making a big deal out of it when I don't know someone. In my case, if it's obviously mutual that we're not a good match, I prefer a mutual ghosting. If it seemed like we got along, and then one of us changes our mind or whatever, a nice brush off email is enough.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:13pm

So he blows up my phone and my email for over a week and I freak him out by caring if he got home or not? This is what I don't understand. And a brush off email would have been nice. I get the ole "taking down my profile" slap in the face.

No more of this. I will follow the rules better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:15pm

LOL - the blowing up your phone and email just tickled me! :-)

No, that's not specifically what turned him off but it might have just cemented his feelings. And yeah, unfortunately in my experience, when you text, email and phone - it's too much. Sure you cared about whether or not he got home, but unfortunately all three was a little "stalkerish" probably in his mind. You know that you didn't mean it that way, but unfortunately, that's the way it usually looks. The rules are stupid, but that's the way it seems to work.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:08pm

How about doing what you say you're going to do? If he had just done that or even answered the first avenue of communication, that would have been the right thing to do. I waited a few hours between each line of communication. I didn't do them all at once.

I would have done the same exact thing to anyone I was hanging out with on a night like that, girl or guy, until I knew they were okay. If having basic human concern for another is now stalkerish then I throw up my hands and give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:22pm
If he wasn't planning on calling you back in the first place, for whatever reason, then the subsequent sms/voice mail/email would probably only make him think that you were not just calling to make sure that he arrived home safely. Unfortunately oftentimes our genuinely good gestures can be misinterpreted, and many guys seem to freak out easily, so I guess it's better to play it safe when interacting with someone you don't know very well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:37pm
I have learned my lesson. I was stupid for caring even a little.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:46pm

I hear ya! I would probably have done the same thing, just to cover all the bases since power might have been out, etc.

My feeling is that if a guy is truly interested in you, you really can't "freak him out" by contacting him even if the contact is a little overboard. And if he's not, well, he wouldn't be contacting you anyway, so it won't have any effect.

Oh well...all him not contacting you means is, he's not right for you. Next! Just know that it will continue to happen until you meet someone who is potentially right for you...it's an unfortunate reality of dating. Don't take it personally...just because someone isn't right for you, doesn't mean either of you is bad or wrong...you're just not right for *each other*.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:52pm
Thank you. That makes sense to me. He can be someone else's jerk.

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