Does it ever make you feel better....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Does it ever make you feel better....
22
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 9:47am
Does it ever make you feel better to send a 'not-so-nice' email to someone you've been out with, thought liked you, got along with, talked about doing things together, great chemistry...but then you never heard from them??!! I know it's just disappointment talking..but I haven't heard from the guy I spent the day with Monday. We had such a great time! I don't get it. I sent him a short thank you email Tuesday morning but never heard back from him. I've been drafting an email to him that I might send next week if I don't hear from him. My message basically says that I'm disappointed I haven't heard from him, looked forward to seeing him again, thought he was a nice guy, etc. I just really hate this whole thing. I don't know if I'll actually send it, but it helps to get it out and beats me crying over him!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 1:23pm
I know!! that's why I posted those....I have to laugh at myself sometimes..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 1:27pm

Hi Donna,

I know how hard it is to keep your expectations low when the guys say so many nice things. But some guys are great at knowing just what women want to hear and work that to their own advantage. They hunt and snag you, but when they know you are also interested in them, they move on to their next prey.

This venue also makes it so easy for anyone to string along one, two, three, or more people at at a time. Most of us want a decent person to be in our lives and even though we try not to get hard about doing OLD, it does make it difficult sometimes to remain optimistic with all of the rejection we go through. But you just CAN'T take it personal!!!

I think what Happy said about writing it down but sitting on it for awhile is a good idea. That way you express how you are feeling, but then will probably not end up sending it. If you do, he knows that he got to you and he wins. It'll be hard, but I'd try not to even email him at all. Move on.

You are a great lady with many good qualities, and it is HIS LOSS!

I think of it like trolling in the ocean of men. You might catch a bottom feeder that is ok on the outside but yucky inside, or you may snag a shark that is sleek to look at but mainly cares about himself, or you might be lucky and catch a nice fish that has goodness on the inside and the outside. I'm of course looking for the last one! Unfortunately it takes awhile to catch a decent fish! Hang in there Donna.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 3:10pm

Donna, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. He told you all those things but, until he actually carried them out they hold no significance. I agree with the others, do not email him. That would only be building his ego, and he's certainly not worth it. Now would be the right time for you to say....NEXT!!

Libra

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 3:14pm

I've thought about it with the chef guy I went out with about five times who disappeared without a word--haven't heard from him for almost a month now. But I decided that he doesn't even deserve that much of my time or thought, so I'm not going to.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 8:50pm

Donna,

Everyone is right -- it will just make you feel worse to send another email and then just give him the chance to reject you again.

I've certainly been there. The one chick I went gaga over made me think she had a great time and all that, and when she ghosted I was really feeling just like you are now. But, I let my emotions get the best of me and I wrote her a final email about 2 weeks later
hoping there was still a chance. She never responded, which brought back the hurt again. I should have left well enough alone.

I'm sorry it worked out this way for you...

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:44am

I went through the same thing in March when I had an honest to goodness GOOD first date! It was my first good first date since my ex and I had broken up and I thought we had a great time, we were laughing so much, cracking jokes, just had a good time so I did the usual, sent the "hey, I had a great time tonight" e-mail and said to let me know if he wanted to get together again sometime. I never heard back from him, and it kind of sucked because I thought we had a great time, but I let it go. If I didn't enjoy myself or knew I didn't want to see the person again, yeah, I'd blow them off and it's not the nicest thing to do, but it's just what we do.

I don't even think I considered e-mailing him to ask him "wtf??" so just let this one go, maybe you guys will reconnect again in the future, maybe not, but right now, he's not worth your time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 8:29am

As everyone else has said, don't do it. A guy I was seeing last fall ghosted after a month of dating and I was so depressed. But I never even considered sending an email like that because I knew it would make me feel worse if (1) he just ignored it - most likely or (2) told me exactly why he didn't want to see me again.

Now when I was younger, I did stuff like that (I remember leaving a message about 10 years ago on a guy's machine that still makes me cringe). I would never do that now. My self-respect is more important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 9:19am

HI Donna,

You've been hit by a Smooth Criminal. They go into Hallmark stores a few hours before a date,to read the cards and gather lines to schmooze you with, I swear!

But...do Not feel bad, they Look for kind, thoughtful, intelligent people to run their game on. Gaming sucks. None of it was/is 'your fault', so please do not waste another minute, or your time writing, to a man of this low caliber. You are trying to 'reason with the unreasonable', and it can't be done. Hoping that they catch some remorse for being such a mutt butt? Won't happen, as there is a Twinkie or HoHo woven into their emotional DNA, where that twist of emotional maturity is Supposed to be! Please don't waste your precious time on this person, they will never 'learn', and when you, down the road, find a good man and are happy in a relationship,they will Still be out there, casting those Empty Lines...Alone!

We have all been here; mine was a successful, handsome, intelligent Insurance Man who told me things like "You are everything I ever hoped to find"...gee, must have been a Short list, Homie, cause 2 months later, he was Gone! But, as I said, His Bad. Move on and enjoy being who You are and you will find what you are looking for.

As a smart, wonderful friend of mine in California says: "Don't Waste the Pretty!"

Roll on, Little Rock
Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 10:46am
I've fantasized about it many many times. But I never actually write them - and I wouldn't. (Okay - maybe in the past I did once or twice). It doesn't do any good. It's not like sending a not-so-nice letter will make them see the error of their ways, so to speak. If anything it'll probably reinforce their decision to not see you again (whatever that reason may be).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 3:42pm
likewise I would strongly recommend dont do it.... if anything it may make him think even less of you... check out my thread on what do you owe a stranger.... this guy that I lost interest in... because of followup angry emails and IMs.... he has now clinched it.... so 3-6 months down the line where i have rekindle conversations withh others, he is definitely out...