Doesn't call when he says he will

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Doesn't call when he says he will
13
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 5:52am

Hi,


Been out on two short meets with a guy. He called last Sat. evening and left a message that he had fun and would like to see me again and asked me to call him. I called him back. He said he was just seated for dinner (told me

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:39am
It's your call.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:49am
I usually give someone ONE second chance.
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:07am
I have always had a big problem with people who say they will call then don't. This irritates me just as much when it is a girlfriend or family member who doesn't call. I think it shows a lot about a person if they can't make a quick phone call. I know schedules are hectic for everyone, but waiting four days to call? That would be a red flag for me if he called on Thurs. and I expected a call the Sun. before. As the others said, you might give him a second chance, but if this is his pattern, he may not be as interested as you thought or he may be just thoughtless about following through with things. I wouldn't put my other plans on hold waiting for him, and he needs to know that isn't acceptable behavior if he wants to spend time with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:39am

I was just talking about a similar issue yesterday with a gf from work who recently began seeing a guy she met on myspace. She called him on it, sort of jokingly, in 2 line email ending in something to the effect "you know what happens to a guy who can't make time for me?" (She's a full time student with a full time job so it's not like she's sitting around waiting for a call). He immediately responded "oh, oh, I think I'm in big trouble" and so far so good.

The upshot is...you gotta say what's on your mind. Find a tactful way to say it and see what he does. Worst case scenario is that he'll walk or ghost and you'll be no worse off than if you were to next him right now, fact is, you'll be better off for having made clear how you expect to be treated. Don't give him a second chance to do this again, give him a second chance to get it right.

Just my 2 cents,
Michele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 12:02pm

I would give him another chance but say something about it if I were in your shoes. If you don't say anything now then he gets the message that it doesn't matter to you, and it does, so you are starting things off on the wrong foot. I don't like people who don't follow through either and it is likely that this guy will do this again BUT it is possible that this was an exception to his normal behavior - but you can't know which it is since you don't know him yet.

Now, if you say something and he does it again, you have your answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 1:17pm

how about you do the same to him? promise to call and never do it :P

I dated a guy who used to say I would call you tonite and never calls but he would call the next day to appologize tha he got drunk and did not feel like moving (even better!)
I really liked him but he was a party animal... anyway one day I promised to call him to "maybe" do something and I did not call kuz I got free tickets for a hockey game and partly lost my voice after the game :) he was mad at me!

I think it is not a big deal if you dont know him v. well yet. He might have been able to spare 5 min to call you but maybe because he doesnot know you v. well he felt he needed more than just 5 min to talk to you so he kept putting it off.
I would tell him it bothers you but would not make a big deal out of it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:48pm

Let the poor man have a life outside of you. He said he will call but he didn't and that isn't that big a crime when he has made it perfectly clear that he is interested in you and has asked to see you this weekend. Could you be a little scared of this man and trying to find a way to make him go away? If so keep this up and he will brand you a difficult woman and move on.

Relax and let it go. After a few dates you aren't quite a priority yet. Saying he will call you and not isn't that big because it's what we say to people. "I'll give you a call later". Whose definition is later?

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 3:09pm

I can't remember who said it but have you heard the saying - 'if a woman says she'll call you, it means when she gets home; if a man says he'll call you it means before he dies.' ;)

I agree with the concept in your post that it's fine that he isn't making her a priority yet, but to me if someone says he'll call on Sunday and doesn't call till THurs, he is telling me I can't count on him to do what he says he will do. I think that is very different than someone who says on Sat. "I'll call you later" and then calls on Thurs - that would be fine with me. That's just my opinion though.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:16pm

Yep it is different. I can't stand it when people say they are going to do something *at a specific time* and then don't do it. To me, it's incredibly rude, no matter HOW long you've known each other. If you're not going to do it, then don't TELL me you're going to!!

"Do what you say you're going to do, WHEN you say you're going to do it." That's what I do my best to live by, and I expect the same in the people I associate with. If I can't for some reason, then you better believe I will be apologizing profusely to the person for not keeping my word.

But non-flakes are few and far between in this world we live in, unfortunately.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:46pm

That wouldn't rub me too well. If someone says they'll be calling at a certain time, I kind of expect them to. Especially in the early stages of the dating game when you are trying to make a good impression (if you're really interested, that is).

But who knows, maybe his week really was hectic. All the same, don't most of us have just a few minutes in a day for a quick phone call? It's not a difficult feat.

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