doesn't make eye contact on 1st date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
doesn't make eye contact on 1st date?
8
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 11:22am

Well, I went out with the first guy I met on match.com after a couple of emails from both of us and about 5 hours of phone conversation. I thought we had good phone chemistry and a lot in common. He's a genuine and good person on and off-line as far as I can tell. My type in many ways. But when I met him, he looked different from the photos as I was expecting someone bigger and healthier looking. He said he's sick and has been for the last few days, which he is and his cheeks were sunken in but can someone look that different when they're sick? As for me, he said I looked better than in my pictures so I'm glad that my pictures aren't misleading. He also didn't eat with me when we went out for dinner because, again, he's sick so I felt a bit odd about that.

Also, he would not look into my eyes for half of the date which I found kind of annoying, and I asked him why he doesn't. He said he's like that when he meets new people. To put a damper on the date, he was waiting for the bus with me so I can get on and I felt sick and almost fainted. He wanted to call an ambulance but I just wanted to sit down so I kissed him on the cheek and got on the bus. He called me a few minutes later to see if I was okay and said he didn't know what to do, he felt bad for making me walk around a lot which we sort of did and thought this may have caused it, and he said he would have paid for the hospital bill and pretended he's married to me since I don't have insurance at this time, lol. He asked me to call him to see if I got home safely. I did, and he said he wasn't sure if I would want to go out with him after the date but promised to call me again today which I'm sure he will since he seems to keep his word.

So I'm debating whether I should go out with him again, mostly because of the whole eye contact thing. Has anyone else on here met a guy who did not make eye contact with you when you spoke with him at the beginning of the date? When he did look into my eyes, I felt chemistry, but when he didn't, well, I felt ignored even though he responded to everything I said. I guess I was hoping for someone more warm in person and it took him some time to warm up and look into my eyes, touch my arm, smile at me, etc. What do you all make of this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 11:40am
Next time try not to spend a lot of up front phone/email time and it will be a lot easier to launch these folks, which btw I think I would do.
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 12:22pm

I tend to be a little

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 3:08pm

<<< I'd say if there were no glaring red flag dealbreakers, why not go ahead with a 2nd date and take it from there. >>>

I'd call offering to commit insurance fraud a red flag. :)


Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 4:18pm
I thought maybe
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 5:51pm
I dont know.... I have always been a little leary about those who cannot maintain eye contact... not even to mention the he's sick and then you faint... whats that all about? How much do you lose by trying it again though to see if things get any better...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 6:29pm
Hey, if I can tell you why it turned out that I almost fainted that day, I couldn't since that rarely happens to me though I have low blood pressure and it might have something to do with it. It was a hot day where I live and I think I felt a bit exhausted or dehydrated. Some things you don't have control over so I'm not going to hold it against him that he was sick just as he didn't hold it against me that I almost fainted. As for the insurance thing, I believe that was a joke! I think he was just trying to be a gentleman by saying that. We spoke on the phone before that a lot so I was surprised that he did not feel comfortable with me. I have met people before who don't make lots of eye contact at first and although I don't think of them as dishonest or distant but just maybe insecure, it's hard to feel attracted to them. He did warm up eventually and it felt nice when he did but I like men who show their affection through actions and not just through words. I'll try for a second date and if things don't change, then I guess it wasn't meant to be. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 10:04pm

Sounds like a nifty first date ;) Yes, I think the eye contact thing is a little strange myself (I also experienced a date who averted eye contact- very odd indeed).

What really strikes me as odd, is why someone so sick would want to proceed with a first date?

At any rate, and if you're really not sure- you could always give it another whirl and see if your impression of him changes after another date (assuming he truly was having an off day). From what you mentioned, I don't think I would. Too many things don't sound right.

Guy sounds like he could use some vitamins.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 10:07pm
Im sorry... please dont take offense re my comment of him being sick and you nearly fainting... it was merely my dark sense of humor trying to picture 2 people on their first date trying to make the proverbial great first impression and well... hope you find the right decision for yourself...