Doing Horrible - Please Read

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Doing Horrible - Please Read
13
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:12am

Hi all,

Before I begin and you all ransack me with your responses telling me how stupid I am and that I deserve everything I'm about to tell you, let me just say one thing… I do realize I've made a HUGE mistake, and that the feelings I'm having right now ARE my fault and were brought on by me, so I don’t need to be told that. I'm just coming here to vent at this point. That's another thing. I did make a phone call first thing this morning to my old counselor saying I would like to come back in for sessions again, so I'm waiting for a callback from her to start up my appointments again. I know this is out of hand and that I need help and just cant do this on my own. Anyway, here's what happened.

The guy from the other state got in touch with me over the weekend and I gave in and saw him on Friday. We met up and did "the usual". Except this time was different. It was very weird. He had a friend pick him up in the morning. And in the morning he got up, didn’t even speak to me, went straight into the bathroom with his bag to get ready to go, and I could hear him talking. I wondered who he was talking to, so I walked closer to the door, and I heard him talking about me!! I couldn’t believe it! He was talking down about me to his buddy. He had the water running so that I wouldn’t hear, but he was talking loud enough where I did still hear him.. He goes "talk about freaky sh*t man! She was blah blah blah…" and went on and on about the things we did. Then he goes "yeah she did. I don’t care man! Alright, I better go"… I was so upset!! So when he came out I was over across the room and I said "freaky sh*t, huh?" he laughed and tried to deny it saying he knew I was listening. I know that was bs. He didn’t know. Then he calls me at home later on and starts playing mind games with me, turning everything around on me, saying things to me that I used to say to him. Like "you think I'm cheap don’t you? What do you think I am? A man whore? Do you think I'm easy?" etc etc etc. It was just weird. Like he was playing games with me. So I told him never to speak to me again. I spent the rest of that day in my bed thinking about what a low down slut I must've made myself out to be all this time. I felt horrible. My self esteem is in the ground and I feel like I cant fix things on my own, I realized I needed help. I finally got out of bed yesterday afternoon. I hadnt been able to eat for a day and a half. I talked to a good, trusted friend of mine who is an RN and knows me and my history very well. He suggested I get myself some help fast and work on things. That's why I came in this morning and immediately called for that appointment. But I still feel terrible. Used, worn down, like I don’t want to do anything, work, see my friends, etc. I just hope this gets better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:22am

Everyone from time to time does things they know they shouldn't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:42am

I just wanted to tell you that things do get better, that you are not a bad person and that this guy was not a good person. Whatever mistakes you made, you did not deserve his behavior.

I'm glad you are getting help.

Take care of yourself and things will get better.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 10:14am

I have to respond to this one. My usual would be to remind you what you did and how bad things happen when we don't things through....blah blah blah. But your post touched me in a way that I completely understand how you feel. I have been trounced on by the worst types of men and know exactly how you are feeling right now!!!! I have made mistakes in my life and have allowed men that I know were bad for me into my life and my bed. One of them even came to stay the weekend with me back in 2002 after a month of chatting online (he lived out of state) and even before he showed up on my doorstep (invited) he proclaimed his love for me. I thought I had found my Prince Charming.......we got along great after he arrived and was having the best time talking about the future and laying in bed for most of Saturday. Well he decided to go out for cigarettes and came back wanting to get out do something. I said I wanted to get ready for our "first date" (go figure) and so he said he would go out and wander (I live close to downtown and lots of antique stores...) and return to a freshly bathed me and go out for dinner. He kissed me goodbye said he loved me and left. I quickly jumped out of bed and prepared to shower when I noticed that all of his baggage was GONE. I looked everywhere.....he was gone. He had taken his belongings and left without even saying a word (other than I love you). I was devastated.....and horrified that someone could do this to another human being. I laid in bed for days feeling exactly like you feel right now. I was devastated that I had given myself to this man sexually without truly knowing him. I had always had good morals and values prior to starting online dating and basically dated like a man for 18 months ending on that fateful Saturday. I stopped at that point because I wasn't doing it right basically. I wasn't making good choices for myself and I was determined to never feel the way being abandoned made me feel.

I learned a hard lesson that weekend. It's not the fact that someone makes me feel this way it's how I handle myself during these times. My motto and live closely by this now is..."Bad things happen to good people and it's how you handle it that dictates your character." You are doing exactly what you need to be doing in order to make better choices. So I strongly suggest you try real hard to find all the good things that are happening with you and be proud that you do make good choices. Stop punishing yourself for making wrong decisions and know that you are only human. We are all....we desire so strongly to be loved that we sometimes do things that aren't necessarily healthy for us.

Today is the day you will STOP punishing you. Start to think about the future and what it offers (and that doesn't include a man for right now). It's about how you can learn from this and begin the recovery of your heart and soul. I believe that you can do this and how badly this hurts I respect but grab those boot straps and pull them up and make this the day that you no longer are going to feel sorry for yourself. FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!!!

I hope this helps!!! It is meant with all good intentions because we all have stories of pain like this.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 10:23am

You know what... You just have to write this whole situation off.. WHO CARES what this guy thinks of you or what he's telling his friends, etc.. F*** Him and his nasty friends. Let this all be a big lesson for you. Other than that, all you can do is block his number and move on. And of course, I wouldn't advise sleeping with him again!

Just take a deep breath and calm down. What's done is done. Moving right along..

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:55pm
We have all made mistakes so I think you have gotten some good posts on this. Hugs to you and stay strong. You are making the right decision in going to see a counselor. I believe though that no matter how high our self esteem is, sometimes another person can get us down, especially if it's a love relationship and we trusted that person. What matters is how we bounce back from it and how we learn. The more we go through these sorts of hardships the quicker we bounce back, the stronger we become and the higher our self esteem comes because that which does not kill us makes us stronger. Remember we ALL have doubted ourselves and our actions and have had poor self esteem at certain points in our lives no matter how healthy we are inside in general.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 5:14pm
I'm dying to know what the freaky sh*t was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 12:56am
I hooked up with a guy on the first date last year after talking to him for a month. I had had a slump with guys/sex all year, so I guess I was waiting to pounce. It would have been all and good if he hadn't told me several days later (he never called me, I had to call him), that he had to move back to Ireland because of family. Of course, he has been online the entire time. I started dating someone seriously shortly after and took my profile down, but funny thing, when I put it back up a month ago this sleeze was the first one to look at it when I posted it. Ha! I know that it can be a real blow to your self-esteem, but I hope you don't beat yourself up too much. He is clearly not man enough to handle a sexual relationship with a mature sexy woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:06am
... nice ...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:07am
Its not a mistake you should feel ashamed of - its ignoring a lesson you learn from it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:32pm
well maybe i am a slutt here myself...lol...but i guess i am failing to see what is soo horrible and life changing and digusting about what happened here? Ok so things didnt turn out how you wanted, the guy sounds like a jerk....we've all been there. Maybe i dont know the full story here? When i first started reading this i thought you were going to say something like you had sex with 2 or 3 men in one night. Sounds to me like you were dating someone, slept with them, then found out they were a complete and utter jerk. I know how much this hurts, i've been there...i've even got counselling...but I dont think you should beat youself up over this the way that you are.

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