Don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
Don't know what to think
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 12:58pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 1:17pm

What's inconsistent? He went from being excited to meet you to not being very interested in you. That happens.

The reality is that he's not that into you. If he were, he'd be calling you, he'd be texting you, he'd be setting up dates to go out with you.

He is demonstrating how into you he is through his ACTIONS. Pay attention to them, and next time don't believe that a single date and a week or two of texts and phone calls and emails makes a relationship!

You're worth more than that; believe it and live it. Move on to the next guy.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 3:50pm

There is a chance he truly is really busy, but I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope for that. I think you're doing the right thing by just sitting back at this point and letting him make a move.

I know how disappointing it is to really feel like your are clicking with someone and then it fizzles, especially when it's been a long time.

I think OLD has its own peculiar set of "problems" and one of them is the fact that you are complete strangers with no point of reference (usually). I can understand wanting to dive in with lots of contact and dates in the beginning (to get to know each other), but I think a case could be made for going more slowly. I know, I know--it's hard when there's chemistry. But I think both men and women can move faster than they really intended--and then freak out. But who knows? It seems that most of the stories I hear are "We met, we clicked, the rest is history."

If he calls again, I wouldn't scold him or try to have a big talk with him...I'd just see where it goes (not that you asked this).

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 7:36pm

I have learned to distrust any overt displays of enthusiasm by a guy early on as inevitably they play out just as your scenario has.

I take every thing that is said by the guy early on about future plans with a mental "we'll see".

I also don't do the intense communication before meeting--not a good idea, it invariably leads to disappointment and being let down.

I know you've been doing OLD for a while so I'm kind of surprised that you're surprised at this behavior since it's SO common!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 1:44pm

You definitely need to back off and let him do the pursuing.