don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
don't know what to think
9
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 5:17pm
I've been chatting with a guy on IM a few times and they were nice chats. Yesterday when we chatted, he kept mentioning how much he wants to meet me and if he was magic, he would be here to meet me in a blink of an eye and going on like that. I then said "are you just saying all of this to make me like you even more?..lol", and he gets kinda defensive and says "no, you didn't even meet me yet" and I said that I agreed and that I can't really like him just from chatting. Then he goes on to say we don't know how we'll react to each other and makes a joke and says I might run when I meet him. I don't know why he'd go on like this. Is he hiding something or what? It makes me wonder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 6:17pm

Have you seen a pic of him? If not, then yes he is hiding something and by the tone of his comments, are you willing to take the risk?? (smile)

Regardless, too much chatting is just that nothing more! I particularly do not like to build up illusions/fantasies. Lot of unattractive men (unfortunately) use this technique -- pull you in with words, build the illusion and hope when you meet in person it won't matter what he looks like.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 6:22pm
I did see pics of him and I asked him how recent they were and he said they were recent. Whether that's the truth or not, I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 6:05am
He might not be hding anything. He might just have some self esteem issues and actually look perfectly fine. Remember too, though we obviously need some physical attraction to someone we date, a hot looking guy can be a real jerk and an average looking guy be a really great person. I find that how they treat me affects my attraction to them. Of course there was that one exception with this guy I thought was hot ...:) Oh well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 6:54am

Of course, I'm thinking I said something wrong though. I shouldn't have said anything about liking him even more. That's what I wish I could take back. I just meant his online personna, of course, I have no idea what he's like offline. I should've explained myself to him better. He was always going on how much he wants to meet me so now is one little thing I said going to change his mind? I don't like letting my imagination think these guys are something they're not, but it happens everytime.

Edited 8/4/2005 6:56 am ET ET by dream_angel2005




Edited 8/4/2005 7:28 am ET ET by dream_angel2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 9:07am
You seem really easily attached online. Do you ever get off the computer and deal in real life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:58pm

<<<>>

wow...pardon me for saying so...but you make it sound like its a crime to be average or or even "unattractive" and be looking for love or to not having GQ looks to brag about or have a lil humility or perhaps not be arrogant if indeed attractive.

Sometimes...yup...sometimes....with the right mindset or or preferences for certain personalities....it doesn't matter to some women what they look like. =) Sometimes even losers get lucky sometimes =) Lots of times unattractive people do indeed develop FANTASTIC personalities during their life because they DO have to overcome not looking like a pro-sports-underwear spokesman.

I am average to eh face, semi-attractive with aids from salon, flat-chested fat chick, who does get lucky sometimes and I disclose all my bumps bruises and STATS fully (couldnt do it 8 yrs ago i tell ya) ...AND I shyly instruct they may or may not like me in person but meet anyway...because i just can't be arrogant and say "i am hot" ..i am just..honest and self-effacing from a humble standpoint. That is my personality. This could be this man's too. I am often told...wow...you are more beautiful than you think. I rather side on the side of caution and opinion on that one.

Go for it Dream. What do you have to lose. If you are not attracted to HIM, its a practice date...not much lost.

Tsteph, be grateful you don't have this "unattractive" problem i guess (assuming here sorry). ...but wow...find realistic compassion for all those who aren't gorgeous or have overblown egos especially if they are not...and that you may be more of an exception than the rule. "Are you willing to take the risk?" Like its exposure to leprosy instead of just a "am i attracted" meet. ack,
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 4:41pm

Well opinions, are just opinions. But I must be pretty shallow then because if I am not physically attracted to the person, I just want to be their friend. And with this online dating thing, you go into it knowing that you may date this person. If you aren't attracted you have to break things off. So, it feels almost like you are breaking up with someone. Which is never fun to do! I don't blame you for wondering. I don't judge tstephnic for her post. She is being honest and understanding Dream's concerns. Who obviously is a little nervous. Aren't we all?

And for Dream, I think guys say stuff like this. It isn't something that I like, or most women do for that matter, but they do it anyway. I have actually told guys "don't be lame like that." You said nor did anything wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 9:37pm

being classically "attractive" and being attracted TO someone...are two totally different concepts. One is relative the other is subjective.

no harm, no foul meant to anyone btw.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 8:48am

He sounds insecure. He could be just insecure about meeting a new person and not knowing if you will like him, or he could have pervasive insecurities. You'll have to meet him to find out.

If you meet them right away and don't chat a lot online first, you won't find yourself getting attached to someone that you have no real life chemistry with.

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