Don't make this OLD mistake
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| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 6:12am |
I've read a LOT of messages the past few days about how flaky people are online.
I'll submit to you that your one critical flaw in making the assumption that online daters are flaky -- is in what you compare OLD to. You're trying to make a comparison to IRL (in real life) dates that you've had (where they didn't involve online dating).
The comparision simply isn't valid. Not one bit.
To argue my point I've got to veer into an area that I'm a bit more familiar with - and that's business (sorry).
In order to get new business, I can tell that my "sure thing" revenue generating sources go something like this (in order based on their effectiveness):
1. A recommendation from a referral source that I know.
2. A referral from an employee who used to work at a client.
3. A referral from a happy client.
4. A lead from someone who filled out an info request.
5. A lead from someone who checked us out on the Internet.
6. Leads from sources such as telemarketing or Direct Mail (we have to call approx. 100 on the phone to get 1 person who is interested -- and we'll need 10 people who are interested to maybe sell 1).
Now to swing back to the world of online -- guess what OLD is most like? I submit it is not any better than tactic # 6 on my list.
That is -- it's the LEAST likely tactic to produce serious prospects. And guess what -- the prospects from #6 lead you on, hardly ever close, are shopping multiple sources for price, think nothing of having you come out for elaborate consultations and pretending that you're the front runner for their business. Then when they decide where to buy they'll go into one of those 5 year meetings (any time you call you get the "he/she is in a meeting can I have them call you back"). In other words they ghost and hope you fall off the planet.
So my point is -- you cannot apply the results you're used to getting from IRL to OLD - there simply is no comparison. They are different tactics and produce wildly different results.
I use all 6 of the above tactics for business. Guess which one is my least favorite? Guess which one(s) pay the bills. I use all the tactics but reserve healthy skepticism for #6. That means I'll limit my exposure in the first few meetings. I won't spend more than an hour on the first meeting -- and all that time I'm qualifying, qualifying, qualifying. As I gather info I'm deciding whether they're a serious candidate to spend more time with. I automatically place them in the "tire kicker" category until I get more information that proves me wrong.
Don't make this mistake. Don't think that all prospects are alike - their level of seriousness varies based upon where you find them. Keep your expectations at the appropriate level depending on the source of the date!
And yes - exceptions apply. Don't make the mistake of thinking because someone else found a gem via OLD in their first email that it unilaterally applies to OLD as a whole - because it most definitely doesn't.

Wow - great analogy! I agree that OLD is more like 4 or 5. In my business, I find that those who are filling out info requests or find you on the internet pull the same thing as the #6 people. We do hit it big sometimes, but there are so many for whom you work like a dog, and then you come to find out they've been shopping around to other brokers (I'm in insurance)and didn't tell you about it! Like dating!
Robyn
As for 1, 2 and 3 - I was just thinking along those lines the other day. There's an OLD site called Greatboyfriend.com, or something like that.
All the men listed have to be referred by an old girlfriend/SO/spouse who can vouch that they are a great guy, but just weren't right for that particular woman.
What better referral than a woman he used to date?
Seems to me the guys here ought to check that one out.
I spent 2 years in network marketing dealing exclusively with #6 people, a true numbers game. Little did I know that the training would prepare me for dating!!
I was still taken aback by the cavalier attitude of OLD men, but my business training (not to mention my upbringing) prevents me from losing my core belief that there are many good men out there. How do I know that? I just do, and that makes it so.
I think it's important not to restrict oneself to #6 people, but to get out there and meet them in real life. Mix it up.
I've had a profile on "greatgirlfriends" and have also checked out "greatboyfriends".
Man, that is one terrific post. Just fabulous.
For those talking about referrals... the only problem with a web site like you're talking about is how easy it is/will be for the jerk types to "refer" themselves!