Don't think I can do it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Don't think I can do it...
17
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 9:01pm

I'm so bummed...I don't know if I can do LDR.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 9:15pm
TALK to him... TALK. See where he's at, share what you're feeling. If he's the right one, there won't be a problem talking. Don't next him until you talk. It sounds like
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 9:41pm

She needs to listen to her gut and she is. If this was "her guy" she wouldn't be having these doubts in spite of the distance.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:36pm
It always amazes me how smart, apparently level-headed women lose it with guys and jump ahead about 10 spaces after 1 date based entirely on their own thoughts. As best I can tell from the earlier posts, the guy never SAID he wanted a LDR with her, or even a relationship at all. After years of talking on the phone, they met for the FIRST TIME, slept together the next night (???), and all of a sudden the OP was sure they were in a serious, exclusive, relationship, and she didn't want to date other people. Never mind that he had just laid eyes on her the night before or that he never asked her to stop seeing other people. Maybe the guy lied about his whereabouts, maybe he didn't, but because he never said anything about wanting to be in a relationship with her at the moment, he's not "her guy," and I honestly don't think he's a bad guy or it's her business where he was. And no, I don't think she's in a LDR, as it takes 2 people to decide that. I'm sorry, but guys almost never jump to cloud 9 after 1 date, but we women often do and end up getting hurt. Being a little more cool-headed and listening to what the guy actually SAYS (or doesn't say) can save a lot of heartache and ensure that both people are on the same page.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:44pm

I agree but what I'm saying is if her gut says this probably won't turn into "what she wanted" then she is probably right but hey she took a chance!! I'm sure she could still date him & maybe it could develop

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:42am

Devorah,

That's too bad. Yeah, long distance relationships, especially if they are not clearly exclusive, can be very difficult. I can understand how difficult this is because you naturally want to be connecting more with him and he is so far away and possibly not missing you as much.

And you may be right that in _practical_ terms, it probably wasn't a good idea to move the relationship to this level when he is so far away. However, how many of us can be that practical and sensible. And the guy is obviously someone special in your life, a friend who has become more than that. How can you fault yourself for something so natural?

Hang in there. You will gradually realize what you really want to do.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 7:51am

Peanut, I totally hear where you're coming from. My thing is that she hasn't spoken to him about intentions, etc. (She might have but from previous posts I didn't get that idea.) He may not even know she wanted to start something, etc.


I never think it's a good idea to base decisions on things we conclude. Yes, I'm with you... I totally trust gut instincts but what good are gut instincts when no communication has been had? If they're on different pages, then that's like asking the gut to choose between apples and oranges, you know?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 8:54am

Kerry, You're right, I hadn't talked to him about it yet. You were right on with that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:15am

Hey, I just wanted to send hugs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 10:24am
Yes I understand what you're saying but I guess my feeling is that most (not all) men who meet a woman that "wows" them under any circumstance will pursue her that way - it happens. Pretty much every BF I've ever had no matter how it started off - he ended up pursuing me in a romantic way and I never had to question whether he wanted a relationship or not.
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 10:27am

Why did he think you were getting distant?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu

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