The e-mail I will send to my dad((M))
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|Fri, 04-04-2003 - 12:20am|
I know you don't want to hear this from me,but I feel that this must be said.Since I won't be heard if I say this over the phone I am resorting to telling you this by e-mail so that you may actually listen me. I know that you don't want me to go to Canada because you don't agree with me living with Jim,the distance of the money,and me taking "your" money with me. Money is no reason to keep me from going. I am spending my money just as I was brought up and told to which is on my education. Which is kind of odd since mom has told to spend it elsewhere twice on a car and I have repeatedly said it is meant for my education and it is going there,you should be proud that I am not abusing the money I am given but using it for what it's always been meant to be used for and not anything else. I know that it seems wrong to move in with Jim and I know that you and mom want me to move to Hawaii,but after what I have experienced there you can never convince me to come back.It use to be paradise to me but after my last trip there my heart was ripped out and stomped on and I would prefer to never return and face those memories again. You and mom may be forgiven for what happened there,but not forgotten.Living in California is too expensive as an alternative to Hawaii,rent can range from 800 to a thousand dollars which I am not willing to pay because that is so much money and the rent hasn't gotten any better by the price range decreasing,but increasing by the month.So the only reasonable alternative is the one that you dislike which would be to move in with Jim and his mother.
Why should I move in with them?Because I will only have to pay for my college tuition when I am there which is where my life savings is suppose to go and where they live now is very close to the community college in town which offers a nurse practicioner course that is only a year and a half long. All together the course costs around 11 grand but in American money that is about 7 grand possibly,I am not too sure,but it is cheaper in American money.That amount of money beats the 3 to 5 years it will take here to become a registered nurse which I am not sure if I can handle the responsibility of the job so I would rather start at the bottom and work my way up.Also here there is a waiting list while there is none there and I bet the waiting list at the community college here that offers the registered nurse course is quite long as I have heard from many other people that it takes awhile to become a nurse here.I know you may be thinking I can just move in with someone or share rent,but no one I know is ready to be on their own with the high rents San Diego has to offer and I do not trust moving in with a complete stranger nor do I feel comfortable with living in someone else's house who I do know and living off of them while Jim and his family have already offered me a stay at their home.Let me state this one more time,if I move in with Jim it will be with his mother as well who is home almost all the time since her work is so close along with Jim's.
I have a feeling that trust is also an issue in this situation.I have a feeling that you don't trust me or Jim.We have never done anything wrong to lose your trust upon us.We follow the rules we are given and stay within boundaries.Within the two years that we have known eachother he has never hurt me,he's still here,he has spent thousands of dollars to visit me or call me,what says that he will leave if he is that dedicated to the relationship?You said when I first told you about Jim that he will know how to gain your trust and through everything he has done I don't see that happening.He has respected your wishes time and time again although it really hurts him deep down and it still doesn't seem like you trust him or I with the disagreeing grunt you gave at the ring I wear on my finger. I am in a relationship dad and it's time you accept it.I'm not the little girl I used to be anymore I am a responsible(when it comes to life and what it has to throw me) dedicated woman who wants to live a good life.I have never done anything to lose your trust.I was brought up to do whatever you said and I did until it started to take a toll on my independence and happiness.I tried my best in high school to make you and mom happy and proud and allow things to ease up on me but that never happened.I guess that's why things have changed in college because doing something for someone else does not make me happier in the end although it may on the other person's part.
It seems like I'm even being bribed to go to Hawaii now because of family and Danni.Danni keeps asking me constantly if I am going to Hawaii which is unlike her and as I stated before I'm sorry,but I cannot go. Danni will be fine without me as she doesn't rely on me and if she is fine without Angelo she will do fine without me. Mom says that I am not healthy enough or that since I don't drive I shouldn't move,but if I live in a small town driving doesn't matter and health? I have only gotten sick twice and have lost ten pounds with eating right and exercising.I know things there would be easier as I would be cared for by you and mom,but I can't always rely on you that's not the way you approach life by relying on your parents.Sure you can rely on them in the younger years of life but sometime you're going to have to face the music and learn on your own,that's how any adult gets to where they are now by learning through trial and error not by watching other people and not experiencing life?Sure you're trying to keep me from making mistakes or getting hurt,but that is how we learn.You said once "it is better to not have loved and lost than to have loved at all" that is not true because that is how you learn to treasure what you have by winning and losing,trial and error.A good quote I heard about this subject goes like this:"I bought a framed saying that says, 'There are two things you give your children: One is roots and the other is wings.' That wasn't too easy to do, but you know what? When you give them their wings, I think they come back and they want to be around you. And that's what makes me happy."which is so true,keeping someone down to the ground keeps them from returning and treasuring what they have while if they are free to go they will return to that treasure they discovered while in their parent's care.
I guess with that I end this e-mail hoping you understand and listen to me.All I ask is to be heard,given a chance to be happy,and no yelling or arguments out of this.