Emotionally Unavailable? CP?
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| Wed, 10-26-2005 - 3:07pm |
I could use a little help. Feeling a bit down.
I've been with my OLD man for four months. We are great friends, we truly care about each other and we both are not seeing anyone else. Profiles were taken down. I had met his family and I have gotten close to them as well. He is crazy about me and his actions speak it. When I need something or I am sick he is here in a heartbeat to take care of me.
I feel bad because I don't know where we are. We had this discussion a few times and he gets annoyed with me. Are we just friends or bf/gf. He cannot commit to call me gf because he has things he needs to do in his life first. He needs to secure it and feel good about himself before getting serious. I think he does have alot of insecure issues he needs to deal with, but we are practically behaving like gf/bf without saying it. I feel almost led on. And this bothers me.
I don't have a desire to meet anyone. I want to be with him, but I don't want to fool myself. Thinking there's something there and it isn't.
As far sex goes, we tried. It's a guy thing, but I'm patient with that. But, I also don't feel good even going there without that feeling of being bf/gf.
I don't like feeling that I'm on a rollercoaster. We're just friends, please don't leave me. He wants things to stay as they are. He is afraid of change. I, on the otherhand, would like to take a step forward.
I had ordered He Scared, She's scared by Stephen Carter. I don't know if this will help,or if I should just cut my losses and move on.
I do know one thing. If you're with someone and you feel bad then that's not a good thing.
I do not like being in a standstill. I like moving forward and growing.
Any advice. Tell it to me straight.

Interesting situation, but doesn't sound like fun. In some ways (although certainly not all), I have been there recently myself. I would say that it depends on what you want out of it. If I were in that position, I would be frustrated and impatient. Actually, I have been putting my hopes into something that is going nowhere....and I have to let it go. Whether you let yours' go is something you have to decide. It isn't easy when you have started to develop feelings. If you are going to make a break, I guess sooner is better than later. I think I am going to pretend (as hard as it sounds) that he is dead.
Sara
Sounds like the same guy, Linda. They just can't seem to make any decision in any parts of their lives. How much you wanna bet that in a year, 5 years, there are still things that need to be done?
I really need to be strong now. Any contact would not be good because we just end up seeing each other. As much as I would love to remain friends, for me the desire to want more will still be there.
I like to keep positive. I've been on OLD for 1 1/2 years and had my heart broken quite a few times. It gets so frustrating and so disappointing that you just don't want to go through it again in fear of getting hurt again. The rejection, the crying, feeling scared, the drop in self esteem. Which is what I'd normally be feeling like this morning, right? Well, I don't. I feel OK. And I guess it's because I've been through it so much I developed a harder shell and just doesn't get to me as much. Rather than dwelling on a guy for the day, week, month I rather focus all my energy on my first and only true love. My Children. Then painting. Keep busy with the 2 and hopefully we have a great Christmas.
Thank You for letting me rant here.
I would say trust your instincts, but it doesn't sound good, or promising....
Sorry that you're going through this.
Update: There has been no contact since I last saw him on Wednesday.
Today I got "He's Scared, She's Scared" and I highly recommend it. I am finding comfort in it. I guess I need to understand things. I'm sure lots of you had a few great dates, maybe leading into months, then BAM! he disappears. You're left wondering why? Is there something wrong with me? Is there someone else? Well, alot of them just don't want to get too serious. Men & Women. This book is also good, cause I fall into the 'giver' category. I'm always trying to work on problems, always being there for him. Making things too easy?? Too comfortable??
This is important for me to know because I don't want to fall victim to another emotionally unavailable man. I'd like to learn about any red flags to look for before I get too emotionally attached to the person.
I'd like to throw some thoughts. I don't know if they all pertain to all CP'S:
They go from one woman to the next quickly. (pretty much to forget the last girl)
After a few dates/months they are afraid the woman will have high expectations of getting into an exclusive relationship.
Once the persuing is over things start changing and they are afraid of change. They say they're confused, need space and have to work on themselves.
Not only they cannot commit on a relationship, but on jobs, projects, goals.
I'd really hope some of you can add on to this. It would really help me out.