ending online relationships (or dates?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
ending online relationships (or dates?)
5
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:13pm

Hi everyone,
I only just started online dating a few days ago, and I'm already a bit overwhelmed with emails and stuff. I've been able to reject a fair number of guys for valid reasons (at 22 years old, I don't want to date a 50 year old guy...), but I'm having trouble figuring out how to let some others down easily. There are several guys who I've been in some email contact with, and I can tell by now that I'm not really interested--but they seem extremely enthusiastic. One guy in particular has been writing me epic-length emails and saying things like "I'm a happy and relaxed person now that I've received an email from you." I don't *think* it's sketchy or creepy, but it's too much too soon and I don't think I'm all that interested.

Do you have any advice on how to end things? It's awkward because we've exchanged a few emails, so it's beyond the initial "hi let's chat" weirdness, but we haven't met in person yet. Should I stick it out a bit longer, completely ignore the emails, write back politely (with the truth or a kind-hearted lie)? I don't feel in desperate need of a man--though it would be nice--so I don't know if I should keep corresponding even when I am feeling rather lukewarm...

Sorry for the length of this post. Advice--especially from those more experienced than myself!--would be greatly appreciated.
:)
Zerlina

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:25pm

Hi, welcome to the board! You'll probably get a mix of feedback on this. I personally HATE getting emails saying, in a nutshell, "thanks but no thanks" so I don't send them. I'd rather have the silence speak for itself...it's not hard to infer that someone who has stopped emailing me isn't interested ;-)! If we've gone out more than a couple times or if the guy SAID he was going to contact me, that's a different story (then I would expect at least an email saying he changed his mind and would do the same)...but otherwise I always assume every contact or date early on is going to be the last one.

So, I would just stop writing to him, but another school of thought would be to send him an email saying something along the lines of "sorry, I don't get the feeling that we are a good match" and leave it at that. Then you might want to immediately BLOCK him from emailing you back, because some people will respond to you with hate mail for having the *audacity* to not want to meet them ;-) (another reason I don't send "thanks but no thanks" emails!).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:52pm

Hi and welcome to the board!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 12:07am

Thanks to you both for the advice. The main problem is that I have exchanged one or two emails with a guy (so he has my real email address, not just my member name) and he has come on WAY too strong. I'm a little creeped out, to be honest, and it seems like he expects me to email him (today alone he has written me 5 times!)...I'm afraid that not responding would be bad. I don't *think* he'd be dangerous or whatever, but one can never be too sure. Thoughts?

Thanks again for the help :)
-Zerlina

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 12:52am

Well, I would just block him without saying anything. Or you could send him a short email as we suggested and THEN block him immediately.

And for future reference, if your "real" email has your name in it, it's a good idea to set up a yahoo or similar account that's completely anonymous for online dating purposes.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 11:45am

Yeah, the over eager

heather 5-18-10