Etiquette: must I write back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Etiquette: must I write back?
4
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 8:19pm

Hi all,

I just signed up on my first dating site. I'm technically straight, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to more than 1 in 10,000 men. (I'm sure you know what I mean.) So I'm getting all these messages from guys I'm not interested in, & I'm wondering if I need to take the time to answer each one (i.e., "You seem really nice, thanks for writing but no thanks...") What's the done thing?

Thanks & peace.

Freya

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 10:38pm

It's tough, because you want to be nice, and you want to treat people as you would want to be treated!

That being said, here's what I do. If I think it's a "mass mailer", meaning the email has nothing personal about ME, it's long, and it's really generic, I don't answer. It it's just stupid, i.e. 'how u doin?" I don't answer it (I'm 45 for goodness sake).

But even if I am not interested, if it seems that the guy has taken the time to read my profile, I will respond. Usually I say thanks, but I don't think we have enough in common. Then I end it with "I know that doing this can be really hard, but I wish you the best of luck with your search."

Sometimes I even get a response saying "thank you for being honest". Then, of course, I feel like a heel, but that's my problem!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 12:29am
Thanks for the guidance! :)
anonymous
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:35am

In a perfect world, a woman could send a "thanks but not thanks" response to a guy. It's the "polite" thing to do. However, many women on this board, myself included, have received some really nasty replies from men we have "turned down." It's really depressing and disheartening, so as "rude" as it may seem, I just do not reply to men I am not interested in.

The other thing to think about is, how would you feel if you contacted a guy and he responded with a "thanks but no thanks" or used one of the canned responses? I would rather a guy just not respond--to me, no response = not interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 2:24pm
I try to answer as many as possible, even if all I say is "Thanks but I dont think we match up!". But I do NOT think you must answer all by any means.

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