Etiquette RE: cutting off contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Etiquette RE: cutting off contact
7
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:34am

I've been doing the OLD off and on now for a bit over a year.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 10:03am

Dating especially OLD can be anxiety ridden and causes people to behave ummm a bit abnormally, i.e. different from their usual, regular self. My point I can identify with this guy and have been dumped because of similar behavior. I am not saying you should not dump him for I believe that relationships are a self selecting process where if the people are a match then both parties will figure out a way to make it work. I have been called intense and that has scared away women much to my dismay. Now I have a woman who is OK with who I am despite how intense and non-funny I was at our first date.

I'm sure you will get some good advice on how to end it with him but I thought I'd share my experience and view of such behavior.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 10:38am

Thanks, Mark!


I like being pursued.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:00pm

I'm not going to get into the debate on whether you should see him again--that's up to you. I do wonder why if you thought you were going shopping w/ your friend on Wed, why didn't you just suggest another night instead of making him wait around to see what your plans were? That seems kind of rude to me. I definitely agree about spending time w/ your friends and that you shouldn't drop everything as soon as you meet a guy, but doesn't it go the other way too? Like if you are w/ him and you want to go out another time, can't you make a date w/ him (say for Fri) and then if your friend couldn't go Wed, but suggested Fri, then you say to her that you already made plans and find another day?

Anyway, I think that it's more polite after you have met someone to email them and say you have no further interest. Certainly more awkward and you hate to hurt someone's feelings, but if you don't, then he'll certainly be calling you again, so then you have to tell him then anyway. Personally I'd rather have someone tell me things didn't work out than hold onto false hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:32pm

I guess I should have mentioned:


I work odd hours.

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Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 2:20pm

--Sigh--

These are the sorts of things I just hate about OLD. And it's probably one of the reasons I choose to meet so few men from OLD--I hate having to turn them down or cut them loose.

Since you've only met once (and I don't consider that a date), if you just don't want to see him again, I would suggest a polite email. I wouldn't get into any specifics of "why" I would just say something along the lines of "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't feel that we are a good fit."

On the other hand, you could try one more time...but I think our instincts are pretty right-on in these matters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:14pm
You will excuse me for saying but a couple of phone calls, emails and 2 hour meeting doesn't constitute a relationship.




@HoneyyDater Come listen to my very random tweets about dating after 40.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:55pm

Once you two met it was no longer online dating.