etiquette ?'s
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etiquette ?'s
| Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:39am |
I'm brand new to old and have questions about etiquette...Is it okay to initiate contact with a man, and then who pays for our first date? Say I winked at someone, he winked back, I sent an email, he responded and asked for a date? This hasn't happened, just curious...I'm newly divorced after a 16 year relationship/marriage and haven't dated in a long long time so the rules have changed!!

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Hi Newtoold,
Welcome to the board. I think you have received some very good responses so far. What lg said about posting pictures is very true...much better responses with pics.
>>I have been dating since just about 3 months after we separated. The only problem I have is I seem to attract very needy men,<<
I agreed with some of what Nice Guy said in that it may be too soon for you to date and that is why you are attracting the "needy guys", as you called them. I found that out the hard way myself. I was married 25 years and tried to start OLD shortly after the divorce, but I wasn't ready and still didn't feel totally good about myself, and therefore I was attracting the same type of somewhat depressed people. I "thought" I was doing great in my life and getting through the divorce and was ready to date, but I wasn't, so stopped OLD and worked on myself for awhile instead.
Then when I came back to OLD a few months later, I was in a much better place emotionally and had done some healing, so that second time with OLD I was attracting much better guys (oh sure there are still plenty of jerks, liars, perverts, and psychos that will contact you, but you just have to weed through them and not respond to everyone who winks or emails you, only to the ones that really interest you).
The first time I did OLD, I wanted to help out the needy guys and make them feel better, as I am a very caring person and hate to see anyone sad, but found out that those types were bad for my healing, as I had then moved past that stage and I was going backward if I continued to see that type of person.
But your profile might possibly have a sense about it also if you are feeling a little needy and not so positive about yourself right now (which I feel is somewhat normal during and shortly after a divorce). So until I was truly ready and feeling good about myself, I tried to spend as much time with friends and relatives who loved me and I did a group called "Divorcecare" which is through non-denominational and Baptist churches and really helps a person to realize they are ok in what they are feeling and that everyone goes through stages of loneliness, depression, etc. during and after a divorce. It can be found online for locations and times under www.divorcecare.com. And no I have nothing to do with those churches just highly recommend it and it's nice to talk to others who are going through what you are also.
About you paying during a meeting or date... I think people have different ideas on who should pay depending on their ages. I am 45 and when I've met guys around my age, they have always offered to pay whether I winked first or they did. I sometimes offer to pay my half but I have never had one guy let me. But mostly I date guys in their mid to late 30's and it has been the same case with them also.
If we meet at a coffee shop for a first meet, I always try to get there first, so early, and then I buy my own coffee of course. But I prefer to be seated and comfortable and let them find me, rather than being the one scouting for the person - yet I keep an eye out for them and when I think it's them coming in and our eyes meet, I give them a big smile and you can see the relief that they've found you. But that's just how I like to do it.
Now when we have moved on and started dating, I pick up a check here and there, but they rarely let me. I know the younger girls are more into being equal and that is fine, so this is just my opinion. But I also like the car doors opened for me and the stuff the guys like to do, rather old fashioned at heart I guess.
Whatever you decide to do though with dating, I wish you much luck with your new life and much clarity as you move along your new life path. Also, deciding to divorce was one of the best decisions I have made in my life and I hope it is for you also. :)
Sunshine
Totally agree with your whole post. Her first post said "I'm newly divorced......" then she admits later that she isn't really. I hate that. Ya either are or yer not!
Separated = married
Lisa
Edited 3/1/2005 1:33 pm ET ET by lisapeake
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