Ever feel like not showing up for dates?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Ever feel like not showing up for dates?
9
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 12:18pm
Ever go out on one of those dates when you know ahead of time that there won't be any chemistry and you hope the date cancels so you can go home and relax? I had one of those last night. The guy rescheduled twice in one week and then showed up half an hour late because he neglected to bring his directions. He then made a joke that I conveniently chose to meet near where I live while he had to come to my side of town when he volunteered to and was the one who initiated contact with me on-line. Plus he claims to be a success in his career and to own a building but he was dressed in an outfit my grandfather would be more likely to wear. Then he asked me if I had an Asian fetish since he found out I have a preference for Asian men and he's Asian. At least I've dated other Asian men while he's never even met someone from my culture(Polish). Hmmm, maybe I should follow my instincts from now on.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 12:24pm

Well, yes, I have had that feeling...I had it last night in fact. He'd cancelled our first meet at the last minute, and there were a few other things that bugged me about our interaction since then.

But it turns out I was TOTALLY wrong about the guy...we had a *great* first meet. I would have really missed out if I'd gone with my feelings and cancelled.

But at other times, I've been right on. That's why meeting for coffee is highly recommended ;-)...at least you can get out of there in 30 minutes if you have to.

Oh, and there's no way I'd wait 30 minutes for someone! 15 is my max--unless he calls and says he's running late (did he?).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 1:20pm

Well, he did call five minutes after he was supposed to arrive that he was lost. I guess I'm still sick to my stomach from my on-line date this Wednesday when the guy walked out of the restaurant with me and proceeded to put his arms around me, hold my hand and stick his tongue in my mouth in the middle of Grand Central (that's in one of the busiest areas in NYC for all of you who don't know). All that after an hour of conversation and food. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel...

Other times, I don't want to go on dates because I get jittery but I know the difference then.

Sometimes I want to end dates early but I don't know how to just leave politely like I did last night so I keep on talking and before you know it, we've been out for two hours even though I wanted to leave early on. What's a polite way to end a date?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 1:36pm

I generally will just look at my watch and say, "oh, I need to get going." I don't think an explanation of why is necessary. And then when saying goodbye, I say something like, "It was nice meeting you. Take care."

And ick about being kissed with tongue in Grand Central!!!

That reminds me of kind of a funny story. Years ago, when OLD was pretty new and I was still meeting people for dinner rather than coffee ;-), I had dinner with this guy, who seemed pretty nice. But as we were saying goodbye, he slipped me the tongue and I was instantly turned off. That's a no-no for me on a first meet (I'm not even really comfortable with a regular kiss on the first meet, let alone one with tongue!). So I didn't go out with him again. Last year, he turned up as the boyfriend of a woman in my singing group! I recognized him instantly but he either didn't recognize me or pretended not to. I've kept mum about the whole thing (I don't think there's any point in telling her), but I get a silent chuckle out of it every time I see the two of them together, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 2:43pm
What a lucky woman your friend in your singing group is to be with that guy.;) Tongue any time on a first date is just sickening...So is looking at my boobs which both these guys did while I was with them even though I wasn't wearing a low cut top. I admit they're not small but I can't hide them for goodness sake. I thought well-educated men had more class but I guess I'm wrong. I've gone out with men with a high school education with a lot more class. The guy I went out with last night went to Columbia University and the tongue guy went to NYU and Rutgers University. The sad part is I don't think this guy had ever kissed a woman before since it was just straight tongue and no kissing. I was just in shock because no guy had ever tried it that soon and it took a while for senses to catch up with me. When I told him that I can't do this, he said why don't we go some place else. When I said no, he said will I promise to next time? I think if there was a mattress store nearby he would have taken me there and tried to get it on right there and then. Aaah!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 6:27pm

Oh yes. I've had a few experiences like that. Such a yucky feeling...knowing you probably won't hit it off, so why am I getting ready for this? I'd rather enjoy my Netflix, read a book...something.

Oh well, you toughed it out! At least you didn't have to travel very far. But I agree that his statements (no matter how casually stated) were a bit tasteless and wouldn't have made for a good impression on a first date even if he had been a hottie :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:28am

Actually, this happened to me not long ago. I had already cancelled on this guy once and I was praying that he would forget or cancel the date we had planned for the following week. My mother actually had to convince me that it was just a couple of hours and that I should go because how bad could it possibly be? Turns out, the guy (whilst not my total type physically) was such a gentleman and took me out on an amazing date - we've had 3 more since then and the last one ended with a fabulous kiss.. So you do never know..

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:40am

Yes, the MAJORITY of the time! LOL I found your story quite funny and I too can relate. Soooo many times, I was like I should have cancelled and stayed home and watched Law and Order! LOL Not sure if your guy called stating he was running late; but if he didn't I surely would have left after 15 mins. especially since he had rescheduled twice.

Previously I had started doing drive-bys! Pull up and say hello, brief chat and if I don't like you I can speed away! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:57am

Okay, the story has gotten hilarious! I'm a NYer so I'm very familiar w/Grand Central and the mattress store -- girl, you are funny! Of course, I know how "sick" you feel, cause I definitely would feel the same way too -- but you have to admit this story is hilarious!! I never had a guy stick his tongue in my mouth; cause I probably would throw up! That is totally gross!

Also, I have boobs too and have had men tell me that is why they were interested in meeting me -- a guy last week said "yeah, I wanna get hold of those things!" How crude. My response was "I'm wearing a padded bra!" A-Hole. Doesn't matter if they are college educated or not, some guys are just crude and lack class! Ick!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:15pm
Oh yeah, I had a good laugh at work when a couple of my co-workers asked me how the date went. It's funny I guess though it's disappointing that men don't even have to mention sex and can act totally decent and then do a total 180 the minute they get some time alone with you. I don't think I gave this guy any signal that I wanted to get it on except being my usual chatty and smiley self. Oh, I have a lot more funny stories about men I've met and gone out with. I always crack friends up when I tell them because I seem to attract every kind of freak there is and a lot of the time, they don't believe me because their interactions with men are much less bizarre than mine. Yeah, it is unfortunate that if you have big boobs, that is all some men see and even women make comments too and objectify my boobs which embarrasses me because hey, there's more to me than that! I love my puppies but sometimes, I just want to walk them down the street and not have everyone want to play with them.:)