Ever stay friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Ever stay friends?
8
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:29am

I have been emailing a guy I met online for over a week now. He is currently out of state, getting ready to move to my town next weekend. I'm worried I may have made a mistake. Through email we have found out we have sooo much in common and that he's actually going to be working at my company. I've seen his pictures and think he's attractive. I really like everything about him so far. Now I'm worried that I've built this "fantasy" about him and am scared theres not going to be any chemistry when we actually meet. I know everyone says to not email for very long before you meet but this couldn't be avoided. Has anyone stayed good friends after a meet in which there was no chemistry? Like I said before, we have a lot of the same hobbies and I like his email personality which I know can be misleading.

Mame

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:45am

Yes, I'm currently friends with 3 men I met online where it didn't work out for us to date. So that is certainly possible.

My main concern in your situation would be the fact that you're going to be working together. Does your company allow dating between employees? You also need to consider how awkward things would be if you start to date and it doesn't work out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 12:44pm

I just started the online dating thing myself after getting divorced and being single for 5 months now I got to be honset I have met a man where there was no chemistry as attractive as he was I just wanted to be friends ok he was not pleased with that idea but we have been friends for 4 months now and we are very supportive of one another actually I have 2 guys over the net it didn't pan out and we are great friends but it needs to also be decided on that guy part as well if they are interest in being your friend then it will work out if not ok it will be awarkard in your case for now you'll be working together but you two are adults and in the end it should work out but only if the guy is willing if he acts dumb then its his problem not your's !!

HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 12:48pm
We won't actually be working together. We'll be working in different departments. I may have to talk to him on the phone once in a blue moon but that would be it.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 12:54pm

So you wouldn't cross paths in the office on a regular basis? I've generally only worked in smaller offices where it's impossible NOT to run into someone, but I did work at Microsoft for a while, and that's so huge that unless you're in the same building, you generally don't run into people there.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 1:04pm
There is one man that I had e-mailed and talked on the phone with over a year ago. It kind of fizzled and we never met then. We ended up having a coffee meet about three months ago and the timing wasn't right for us - we had both just recently been burned by a long-distance relationship. We've continued to stay in touch via messaging and talk about our kids and dating and anything else. We've become friends and are planning to go out golfing together in a few weeks. I am really happy that it worked out this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 1:56pm

Can you still be friends after discovering there was no "chemistry" in person? Yes. Absolutely.

Of course, every situation is different, but my best friend (who happens to be a guy) is someone that I met online and corresponded with for several few months before we finally met in person. At that time, he was living across the state.

When we finally met, I knew within a few minutes there were no romantic sparks. Thankfully, however, we were able to remain friends and I'm glad that we did. He is now happily married to a great gal and we all get together for dinner from time to time.

He and I still continue to email regularly, chat on the phone a few times a week and enjoy a very nice friendship.

As a side note, these sort of things likely need to work both ways. What I mean is, if he is strongly attracted to you, while you don't feel the same way...a friendship might not be as easy to accomplish.

I hope everything works out great for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: mamebl
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 2:41pm

I have about 4 friends from online that I routinely stay in email and IM contact with... one I dated a few times then his company transferred him to Shanghai, China... another I never met that lives in California but his father lives in Massachusetts... both emailed me that they are coming to new england in july and want to meet up with me... (hope the dates dont overlap too much) ... I am a little nervous about meeting up with them because I dont want our online friendship to change....

another guy online (not one of the above) I am clearly head over heels in fantasy over... for many reasons... and it is truly the model example of why you should not let the email /IM thing carry on for too long... we have been in online contact for over a year... we will never meet but he is truly my online fantasy... at this point I dont want to meet him because I know that the fantasy will come to an end... BUT I am too addicted to him to give him up which is probably the most mentally unstable thing to do.... oh well, so I am a little off balanced... better than drugs and alcohol I guess...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 9:38am

Hi Mame,

Yes I remained friends with an online guy after we went out and then decided it wasn't right for us. We still talk to eachother. He talks about his dates and I talk about mine and we get eachother's perspectives on things. So it is an interesting friendship. I wasn't sure at first if we could remain friends or not as I could tell he was still attracted to me, but it has been a year now and we still talk about once a week either on the phone or by IM.

When I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago, my male friend was very supportive, but then hinted like we should have a relationship. I said we knew it wouldn't work between us and kind of joked about it because I don't think he really meant it, just wanted me to know someone still cared about me.

So yes, I do think it is possible to remain friends, but as other posters have said, if one person is very attracted to the other, then a friendship may not be possible if they can't see it in that light. But I feel that you can never have too many friends. So if it's possible go for it.

Sunshine