Is EVERY cheap man alive on OLD - why me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Is EVERY cheap man alive on OLD - why me
25
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:42pm

Last month I went out with a guy who made me wait 45 minutes because he REFUSED to pay for parking - when I figured it out I WALKED... now this guy.

That guy that made me question whether or not I broke "the rules" finally called me. It turns out he was out of town on business in NYC. He calls on Saturday and he wants to get together. I let the first call go into voicemail. He did not call in almost a week - uh-uh! I answered when he called a second time a few hours later - I was in line for Ring 2 at the time. I told him that I was at the movies and that Sunday was Easter.

He said to call him when I got out - we could do something. I called him at 9. He asked me to come over to his place... NOT! I suggested drinks - he said yes, he would shower and pick me up. Then he calls and says he is too tired. I said fine - not too happy - I changed and put on mascara! and suggested that we get together during the week.

He mentioned his place again. I said no. It was too soon (second date), I had to get to know him better. He said he wasn't after sex just "kissing and cuddling" I said, I had nothing against "kissing and cuddling" but I was not going over to his place until I knew him better.

Hello??? I am not a CHEAP DATE and I want to go out. I did not say that to him.

He said he would call me about getting together later in the week, but to call him if I changed my mind about his place. I said I would not change my mind. Wednesday, he IMs me and asks if I am keeping my lips warm for him, then he says he is not ready for a relationship but he would love to "kiss and cuddle". WTF??? I was so thrown by that - the unmitigatged gall of the second part - that I just said I am not into casual things - see ya around. What I really meant was - I am not sure if I want a relationship WITH YOU, either, I have to get to know you better but I sure as hell am not going to make out with you when I know you are not interested in anything else and WTF is with the "kissing and cuddling" anyway? We aren't 17 here!

GOOD RIDDANCE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:49pm

I agree - he is a)looking for sex or b) a really cheap date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 8:04am
I was gonna say that it isn't necessarily that he is a cheap date but that he is probably looking for just sex! What a jerk - when you said the first time that you were not comfortable going to his house, he should have let it lie. The fact that he asked again shows that he either doesn't listen or didn't care what you said. And the "are you keeping your lips warm" thing? ICK! Good move kicking that one to the curb.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 8:11am

Well, he gets points for telling it like it is. I've reached a point where this is a good thing!

And you know, his persistence will pay off with some women. "He must be SO into me!"

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 8:14am

I remember one guy who was so anxious to come to my place and "hang out". Nice try, fella!

I'm only interested in going out with my dates. Hanging out at home is for relationships or enjoying my alone time.

Oh, and he was cheap as the day is light. Guy never spent a dime on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 5:08pm

<>

I give him props for saying he was not ready for a relationship - but he lost those props when he said we could still kiss and cuddle.

Why would I want to waste my time doing that when I could go out with my friends, go on a date with someone else, hang out here with you guys or veg infront of the TV, etc. Geesh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 5:31pm
OMG!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 9:33pm

IF you follow that book the rules,
you are gonna get a pervert, at best.

I do agree though, this dude is not for you
and only wants sex.

But that book, if you follow it, you will never
find somebody decent.

yes, i did buy and read it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 11:46pm

Well I guess I may be considered one of your "cheap dates" then possibly? At least for early on in the relationship.

As an option for a date, I usually bring up them coming over to my place and watching a movie as an option. I have roughly 100 movies of all kinds (chick flicks to action to whatever) and a 5' big screen tv. Some of the best relationships I've ever had with women started out this way. But they have to be/feel comfortable with the idea.

If they are not comfortable with that idea, I usually recommend more like a food court at a mall or just someplace nice for a drink or something and walk around and talk.

Any woman that just "expects" that I'm going to buy them dinner at a fancy restaurant right off the bat or something before I even know if they are right for me or I'm right for them, they probably aren't worth my time. I learned long ago not to blow my money on women that were not really interested in me. So if a fancy restaurant is the destination, it is decided "dutch" long before my car leaves the driveway.

A similar situation, I had a woman once tell me that she was sorry we couldn't meet yet (she was breaking our first date meeting we had setup) but that I could buy and send her some flowers instead to prove that I liked her (we hadn't even met in person yet)... Needless to say that one didn't last long either... Homey don't play that...

Bryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 2:01am

Hi Bryan,

I hate to say this, but you sound kind of like you have a chip on your shoulder about women and going out to dinner for dates. Have you been burned by women taking advantage of you? Also, do you mind me asking your age?

I would NEVER go over to any man's house on a first date - that would be pure stupidity and very unsafe in my book! He could be all nice and even good looking, but could be a rapist, killer, or anything. I'm surprised that you've had girls do that, but I'm over 40 so maybe the younger girls aren't so careful about safety as I am.

I prefer coffee meets for a first meeting, so you can't really get much cheaper than that as a first meeting! I feel like a dinner date would be better for when you have already met once and it would be more to guage the possibilities for a relationship between the two of you as you know at this point that you are interested in eachother.

The woman who wanted you to send her flowers, so that you could prove that you liked her after she had to cancel your first meet, sounds a bit much! I would have passed on her also if I were a guy! There are weirdos out there in both genders and it's not only with online dating.

But Bryan, not all women are just out to get free meals from guys. Not all women are looking for the big $$$ either - if that's what I wanted I could have had that many times! There are women out there that are genuinely looking for real lasting relationships.

I could say as a generalization that all online guys are looking for just sex, but that wouldn't be true either. Sure some of the bad ones (men or women) can give OLD a bad name, but you just have to weed through the bad ones to find the good ones.

I wish you much luck with your OLD.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 7:19am

Yes I've been burned in the past, but there is no chip to speak of.

I just decided long ago I was tired of taking a woman out to wine and dine her and then she would just ghost on me after that first date.

After experiencing that a few times, all my initial contacts became simple, inexpensive meetings. If they insisted on going to a restaurant or something, it would have to be dutch (at least for the first meeting). If I had been out with someone a couple times and I knew they were interested in me, I have no problem paying for dinner somewhere.

As for someone meeting me at my place, I make sure they are comfortable with the idea before it goes any farther. If they are shy about it, then I don't force the issue. I've even had situations where I would meet them somewhere and if they had good vibes or whatever, THEN we would come back to my house to watch a movie or something. But it is all up to them and how they feel. If they are the least bit hesitant, I don't even worry about it. I figure I have a ton of movies and a nice entertainment center setup, so why not take advantage of it?

But I have no problem with having a simple outdoor date, going and walking by the river, going to a mall and just window shopping, getting a pretzel and a drink or something.

BTW I'm 35.

Bryan

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