Is EVERY cheap man alive on OLD - why me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Is EVERY cheap man alive on OLD - why me
25
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:42pm

Last month I went out with a guy who made me wait 45 minutes because he REFUSED to pay for parking - when I figured it out I WALKED... now this guy.

That guy that made me question whether or not I broke "the rules" finally called me. It turns out he was out of town on business in NYC. He calls on Saturday and he wants to get together. I let the first call go into voicemail. He did not call in almost a week - uh-uh! I answered when he called a second time a few hours later - I was in line for Ring 2 at the time. I told him that I was at the movies and that Sunday was Easter.

He said to call him when I got out - we could do something. I called him at 9. He asked me to come over to his place... NOT! I suggested drinks - he said yes, he would shower and pick me up. Then he calls and says he is too tired. I said fine - not too happy - I changed and put on mascara! and suggested that we get together during the week.

He mentioned his place again. I said no. It was too soon (second date), I had to get to know him better. He said he wasn't after sex just "kissing and cuddling" I said, I had nothing against "kissing and cuddling" but I was not going over to his place until I knew him better.

Hello??? I am not a CHEAP DATE and I want to go out. I did not say that to him.

He said he would call me about getting together later in the week, but to call him if I changed my mind about his place. I said I would not change my mind. Wednesday, he IMs me and asks if I am keeping my lips warm for him, then he says he is not ready for a relationship but he would love to "kiss and cuddle". WTF??? I was so thrown by that - the unmitigatged gall of the second part - that I just said I am not into casual things - see ya around. What I really meant was - I am not sure if I want a relationship WITH YOU, either, I have to get to know you better but I sure as hell am not going to make out with you when I know you are not interested in anything else and WTF is with the "kissing and cuddling" anyway? We aren't 17 here!

GOOD RIDDANCE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 4:24pm

And I also don't "sell it" like I'm some big stud muffin or something either...

"Hey baby, why don't you come over to my place and we can knock some boots by my big screen"...

I don't even mention it is a big screen usually unless they sound interested.

People used to go to the movies on a date and yeah, that is bad if you are both staring up at the movie screen not talking to each other... in a more private environment, watching a movie in the privacy of a home or whatever, you can talk and make comments and chat while the movie is on.

I also agree I would rather talk to someone and get to know them before just watching a movie, and that is why I prefer emailing for a while or even talking on the phone to get to know someone.

But seeing and meeting someone face to face for a first date is important too because there HAS to be that physical attraction there for there to be any chance of a lasting relationship. If you keep it online or on the phone too long before meeting face to face, lots of false expectations can be built up. Sometimes their dream image of you, (or vice versa) cannot possibly match up to reality and they (or you) can't help but be disappointed if it isn't matching up to what you expected.

Bryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 4:37pm

Maybe I misspoke from my first comment I made on here... Everyone thinks I'm a lecherous cheapskate now or something... :)

I'm not a cheap guy...

Once the initial "first meeting" is over with... If there was chemistry brewing there, I would certainly invite them out for another date at a nice restaurant and be willing to put out more effort to be "non-cheap".

So I'm not a cheapskate by any means, but just on the initial meeting, I'm not just going to give them a "carte blanch" meal without knowing that we are going to get along and be something meaningful possibly.

That's all I'm saying. So I may appear "cheap" with my first date. But any subsequent dates, I have no problem taking someone to a nice place to eat.

Bryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 5:22pm

I don't think that we are implying that YOU are a cheapskate, but we are just saying what goes through a woman's mind when a guy asks her over to his house to watch TV or movies in the first couple dates. BIG red flag that he very well may be either cheap or looking for sex. Even if he did the precautions you tell your dates, him asking me to his house on a first date NO MATTER WHAT is just one of those things that sets an alarm off in my head. JMO and maybe something for you to keep in mind. We women think much differently about these thing than you do! :-)

I also think that everyone is saying that they are fine with an inexpensive, quick first meet. I personally wouldn't be real hip on a food court (nasty, greasy fast food - ick but that is me), but a drink, a coffee, a walk, a museum, lunch, or a dinner at Chili's (or similar inexpensive, sit-down place) is great. Once I had a guy invite me for lunch at a very expensive restaurant - lunch came to probably $75. He insisted on the place even though I suggested more moderately priced places in the area (which there were tons) and also he insisted on an appetizer, lunch, drinks and dessert AND insisted on paying even though I offered my share since it was so pricey. I felt so guilty and even though there was no chemistry on my part, I said that we should do it again so I could return the favor. We never really did (we talked for a couple more weeks but I was traveling several days a week shortly after that and we had a hard time reconnecting).

Seems like one of those things that you can't win for losing, huh? I think we're all just trying to be helpful but not judgemental. Be careful inviting someone

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 5:36pm

I’m also going to note that there a lot of women who are abducted and rapped (sp?) from going to strangers homes off the internet.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:30pm

Bryan,

I agree with Vexer and Small Peanut, we are just trying to make you aware of how women think and going to a man's house right away is a big no-no mainly because of safety issues. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but then what lady would know that right away. As small peanut said about asking a lady to watch movies at your house, "...You could be scaring off a good woman because of this – food for thought....".

Sunshine

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