Is everyone just looking for a husband?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Is everyone just looking for a husband?
17
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 11:33pm
I've been reading a lot of the messages posted by women here on this board and it seems to me that unless a guy proposes to them, then the guy is a complete failure somehow. So I'm just curious, are women just looking for a future husband online? Does anyone ever use the online sites to make new friends or just meet a person and date for a while (weeks/months/years) without having to think of it as meaningless?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 11:59pm
When I was in my 20s I dated just to have fun - not to find a husband. I wanted to be able to travel and make major life changes without consulting anyone and the men I dated knew this. They always knew that whatever we had wouldn't be long-term.

I am now 33. While I still would like to try new things and travel I'm not longer as "selfish" about it (for lack of a better term). My mindset has changed and I now feel that I would like to share my experiences with someone special. So yes, I would like to get married. I'm not saying that I fantasize about the wedding on a first date; however, I know that I'm not going to date someone who I know does not see marriage/children in his near future.

The guy is not a failure if he doesn't want to get married - but his needs are not compatible with my needs. If people just want to casually date, meet new friends and have fun, there's nothing wrong with that. But if I want to develop a long-term relationship leading to marriage then why would I invest my time and emotions and risk heartache/disappointment for someone who doesn't want that?

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:35am
I am 37 and a busy professional. I have enough friends and acquaintances and if I just wanted to date, I would not need to go on line. I only meet men who I click with on the phone after one or two emails, and who in general want marriage and a family in the not too distant future. If i just wanted a husband I would have been married in either 1990 or 1994 or 1997 - to men who fit the bill but were not right for me. Because I want to marry someone who is right for me I've expanded my horizons beyond meeting people through friends and so I go on the online dating sites.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 9:07am

I'm sure some people do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 5:57pm
Do you ever wonder that maybe if you go into it wishing for someone who might turn out to be a husband, then maybe you'd somehow settle for anybody who was "good enough". Does that make any sense?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 6:02pm

I understand where you're coming from, but I am *very* particular, and not at all willing to settle for just "good enough".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:44pm
I know where you are coming from....lol I am looking for friends, someone to hang out with and maybe casual date.

In my opinion a lot of women are looking for potential husbands, and the rest truely are looking for 'friends first', or casual dating. They usually say what they are looking for in their profiles. Of the people I know who are looking for marriage, have been in the situation 'been there, done that!' and are looking for the right person this time.

During my time on dating sites and conversing with a few different people I have also found that men seem to be looking for 'wives'. Most of the men in the past year who have contatced me have mentioned serious marriage questions in the first 2 weeks of on-line contact.

I don't think that marriage should be talked about right away except to let each other know if indeed you are wanting down the road to get married, 'when and who' is right. You really need time to get to know one another on and off line as friends and let the relationship grow slowly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:58pm
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Funny how that happens. You want "casual" or friendship and are contacted by men as you've described above. And I want someone "marriage minded" and all I get are:

"Looking for something casual and intimate on an ongoing basis. Interested?"

"Looking for hot intense sex. How about you."

"Can S&M coexist in an ongoing relationhip?"

"Do you give good...?" (I'm leaving out what he said but you can use your imagination).

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:10pm
Hahaha damn! I'm curious, what the heck are you writing in your profile that make men ask you those questions? Is that what always happens to women on online dating sites? Maybe you picture is too seductive or something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:49pm
My photos are head shots - nothing seductive about them at all. I specify that I'm looking for "marriage and children." Regarding my essays - I come across as pretty conservative. I have had my profile objectively critiqued to ensure that I wasn't inadvertantly attracting the wrong type. Certain info that could perhaps vaguely imply an incorrect image (not necessarily sexual) was removed or altered. But it didn't help - I still get sexual proposals. Interestingly, it's usually from men who are too young for my taste (early 20s) or too old (late 40s). From what I've heard though it's not uncommon for women to receive this type of response.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 6:04am
Wow!! *LOL* Gee if I could only get such a reply...hehe just kidding Actually if someone asked me some of those questions right away then they are only looking for a one night stand..no strings attached...and usually not even friendship :-P

Maybe try your title as "Marriage material ONLY" lol

There is another site for dating that allows you to choose which category you would like your profile to appear in dating, relationships, or intimate encounters within the same site. You make a different profile for each category.

Just a little advice, be careful of those who are looking for marriage right away. I have found that some are very insecure and go from relationship to relationship just needing to be 'in a relationship'. They convince themselves you are the right person. Usually won't let go easily either. I just got out of one like that and it became almost a stalking situation. So just be careful and follow your heart and your head when you meet someone.

Have some fun meeting different people and just see where things go... :-)) Sometimes our Mr. or Mrs. Right will turn up when we are least expecting it.

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